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Subject: hi

Author:
shelby

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Date Posted: 08/28/06 5:33am

Hi everyone,
I just want to say sorry for my last post i was just upset and didnt know who elsa to take it out on so i apoligize. But i have been talk to Sharon quit abit and shes help me out alot even to the point of how old my baby is we foundit out and im actually 21 weeks pregnant on the 1st when before i went from the last time my dad... but i was suposed to go from my last missed period which i never knew. But yesterday i went back to the clinic to have a check up and SHE is so beautiful i never thought something so wonderful came out of something so horrible. And Luka im very sorry to you b/c you have helped alot i just didnt want to see what was right infront of me so i am sorry.

shelby

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Replies:

[> Subject: Re: hi

Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 08/28/06 9:47am

Hi Shelby,

You don't have to worry about your last post at all. Considering the amount of adjustment you must be going through, it was pretty tame. :)

21 weeks! Wow, you're more than halfway there. And you're having a girl! I'm really happy for you. I have three girls and they are the BEST. I have a son, too, and he's equally wonderful so many different reasons. I'm really happy for you that you're having a girl, though.

I'm so glad to hear you've gone to see a doctor, too. Good care is important.

This is just my opinion, but I'm thinking since you are already 21 weeks, it might actually be a good thing to wait another 3 weeks, until you are 24 weeks pregnant, to tell your mom and dad if you opt to tell them. The reason for this is that pressure to have an abortion will drop significantly after that milestone because abortion after 24 weeks cannot be done on a walk in basis at a clinic, it must be done in a hospital and is considered a late term abortion that is much more involved. Your parents would be less likely to view this as a viable thing to pursue, I think.

But that's just me, and I don't know all the dynamics of your home.

I know you have things to deal with up ahead that you must be apprehensive about, but I'm glad for now that you've had the joy of seeing your baby by ultrasound and hope you can enjoy a respite of peace for a little while. Consider yourself hugged, congratulated, and supported. :)

Entrust yourself and your little girl to God. I will be earnestly praying that you find another place to live, even if temporarily, so you and your daughter can be free to live without being sexually violated. You deserve that! Please don't hesitate to let anyone help you into better living conditions for yourself. And please by all means post here just as often as you like. It's a safe place for you to share whatever you want and be unconditionally accepted.

With Support and Cogratulations,

Heather

[> [> Subject: Re: hi

Author:
shelby
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Date Posted: 08/29/06 2:34pm

Heather,
I am going to try and go as far as possible with out telling my mom so if i can pull it off untill birht that would be the best but i have decided that i am not going to keep my baby i will put her up for adoption even tho dont want to i think it will be the best thing for her and he future is way more important then my happieness.
Luka,
Yes i am having a baby girl and i have two names already picked out hopefully the adoptive parents will keep that her name but i dont know.

shelby

[> [> [> Subject: Re: hi

Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 08/29/06 7:41pm

Shelby,

I think your decision to place your girl with another family is an incredibly beautiful one and I am amazed at the maturity and grace you carry for your age. Adoptions are wonderful, almost always win/win situations and in addition to giving an inexpressible gift of joy to another couple, you are giving a gift of pure maternal love towards your daughter that is thinking so selflessly of her. Congratulations on making such a beautiful choice.

As an aside, my husband was adopted. His birthmother wass 15 when she conceived him and almost had an abortion but decided at the very last minute to let him live and place him for adoption. When I consider what an amazing, loving man (both husband and father and human being) this person I married is I am so incredibly thankful to his birthmom for giving him life. His adoptive parents raised him beautifully and he now enjoys a friendship with his birthmom, too.

Most adoptions today are open adoptions, which means that you as the birthmom will get to choose who you want to be the parents for your little one, and you can decide also how much contact you'd like to keep. The adoption agency will set you up with parents who have the same views as you on this. Some birthmoms don't want any contact, some request photos and an 'update letter' twice a year, some want to be able to visit the child from time to time, etc. It's entirely up to you but the point is that there is a great deal of flexibility to accomodate you as the birthmom for what your ideal is.

Prospective parents fill out profiles where they include their photos, history, descriptions of themselves and their philosophies in raising children, etc. You'll get a chance to look through all these, select a few that you think would make good parents for your daughter, and you can meet them first if you like, too. Many parents will be more than happy to keep the name you select. You can make this one of your 'requirements' if you like.

It's very easy to find adoption agencies in the yellow pages or online, but if you want any assistance at all you can go to your local Pregnancy Resource Center and they will totally walk you through everything.

I am very moved by choice, Shelby, and think you're an amazing person. I'll keep on praying for you that God will shower His grace on you and your daughter and fill you with peace.

With Much Respect,

Heather

[> Subject: Re: hi

Author:
luka
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Date Posted: 08/28/06 4:48pm

Thats ok :) I understand (i was abused as a child as well), i never took it personally. It's difficult to disentagle yourself from abuse especially when part of what you were told (eg i love you) is what you really need to hear and want to believe. If youre 21 weeks now then we are probably due around the same time. So did you find out that your baby is a girl? If so then wow that's wonderful! Girls are so much fun :) I am really glad that Sharon has helped you out so much.

[> Subject: Re: hi

Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 08/30/06 3:29pm

Hi, Shelby,

I am overwhelmed by your courage and grace. You have overcome so much!

I would urge you to go to a crisis pregnancy agency. They can help protect you from coercion by your parents. This is very important. Your parents could figure it out any time, so it is important to have someone in your corner you can go to if you have any problems. Even though reaching 24 weeks may help with the coercion, there is no guarantee.

Adoption is a wonderful choice. We have seven children, and two of them are adopted. We forget that they are all the time, and all of our children are very close, and help each other in time of need. I am incredibly proud of all of them. At the time we adopted, open adoption was rare, and ours were both closed. Both of our sons would like to find their birth moms, and we support them. I want to tell their birth moms thank you for the incredible gift they gave us.

Be open and flexible. It sounds like you have made an excellent decision and you are at peace with it. I hope and pray that things work out for you in the best possible way, and I will never forget your courage. When you do have children that you raise yourself, you will know how to protect them. Look for a man who will cherish you, a man who will love and protect you, and who won't ask for sex until after he has made a real commitment (i.e. marriage). I hope you will come back and keep us informed of how you are doing (even for years), and if you need to rant or talk, we are always here. :)

Hugs,
Pat