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Friday, April 26, 11:54:17

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Subject: Re: First pregnancy Author: Lahela [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 07/18/06 9:29pm In reply to: Jacqueline 's message, "First pregnancy" on 07/ 9/06 8:50pm Jacqueline Also, I'd like to use an objective counseling technique used by many counselors, called reflective listening, to help you explore your own and others feelings a little bit more closely. From your previous messages I hear you saying... "The truth is if there was any way possible to keep it i would." "but back to the present time....i wish there was a way to keep my baby..." "i love my baby is that possible at 5 weeks???" "also its not fair to my boyfriend hes not ready." "My point is i dont want to have children the way my mother did." "I know im going to regret this abortion i know im going to be depressed i know its going to kill me but what choice do i have.." "Ive decided in my heart that i want to keep my baby...long term people will get over it once they see the beautiful baby...but i dont think i could ever get over having an abortion." "...my parents tell me to have an abortion, my best friend and my boyfriend...the people that are cloest to me want me to just kill it." "Dom just called me and told me that he cant speak to me or see me today that he needs to think and that he will talk to me tomorrow. Im scared i dont want to loose him." It sounds like others are saying to you... "they said the would support me either way but the smart thing to do would be to have an abortion" "...with my best friend i feel like i would be letting her down because i wouldnt be able to be involved as much as her." "...everyone seems to be on my boyfriends side...poor dom...how could you do that to him..he will never talk to you again if you keep it....what about me what about the baby..I dont know what to do..." How does hearing these statements make you feel? Are others are encouraging you to make a decision for yourself and your own best interests? Are your own needs and feelings being considered by others? What is your heart telling you right now? A suggestion is to write your answers and feelings in either a journal or here if you're comfortable sharing them. Love, Lahela [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

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[> [> Subject: All of the above.. Author: luka [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 07/19/06 5:39am Jaquline i hope your have read all of the above posts because they all have very good and varied points. I am glad to hear my thoughts echoed also with regard to us all not trying to control you or us hating you should you decide to have an abortion. I can't remember who said it but someone posted about being swept into having an abortion once at the clinic even if you aren't really sure and with other women who seem more sure ect. Oh man that has happened to me!! God that's SO true. That statement is bringing back some pretty eerie memories for me.. Ick...i'll never ever have another abortion ugh i just could not bring myself to walk into one of those places. Even if someone payed me to pretend to want to have an abortion with the idea that i would not go through with it.As irrational as it might sound i would be afraid of somehow being forced into one- i don't trust those people.And i don't want to be in any place anywhere near those instruments or even the faintest possibilty of my babys life being taken away. Please forgive me for rambling on here. I just remember so vividly the regret afterwards i don't want you to go through it also.. and the anger, the anger actually surprised me. I was expecting to be sad but i was so furious with myself and just everyone..As i think about it i am physically shaking my head screwing up my face trying to shake of the feelings asociated with that memory. I wish i could have gone back and stopped myself from doing it. It makes me angry so think that the people around you are not supporting you. It's creepy to me that they call themselves your friends/boyfriend ect when you have not once written anything about them that suggests that they have given your feelings any consideration what so ever. Even you said you would never ask another woman to do this but here you are being cornered by those who are supposed to be closest to you. That bugs the hell out of me to me that's manipulative and unfair of them to expect their feelings to be taken in if they don't seem to give a hoot that you actually love and want your baby. Ok sorry i just have trouble when i hear of women in a vulnerable postion seemingly surrounded by people who don't have their best interests at heart because that has been my position so many times. And boy is it confusing! You want to do 'the right thing' but what is it? you think to yourself. I know, i know...honestly i do. You're never going to be able to please everyone but you can please yourself.. you shouldn't and really can't live your life based on what others want.. they need to be able to respect whatever you decide regardless of wether it suits then otherwise their friendship, their love, their support is conditional -on the condition that you kill your baby. If that's the case then they can't truely call themselves your friends. I hope at the very least even if you do have an abortion that you rethink who your true friends are!