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Friday, April 26, 17:16:49

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Subject: Re: First pregnancy Author: Melanie [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 07/21/06 12:52am In reply to: Jacqueline 's message, "Re: First pregnancy" on 07/20/06 5:12pm Wow... if I ever gave the impression that you weren't a smart woman or that Dom was a bad guy I apologize as that was never, ever intended. I'm glad that the two of you are talking. I will echo pretty much what Lisa has said. I have seen a very few instances where a couple stays together after an abortion, but the deck is really stacked against it. I know your mind is pretty much made up, but have you and Dom thought of going together to see what sort of help is out there for the two of you? When I got pregnant with my first child, I was workinga low paying job and, my husband was on unemployment. With my last one, my husband lost his job and we had to be on assistance a short time and move back home with my dad. Anyway, just thought I'd ask. I will echo what the others have said in that no matter what we care about what happens to you as well and will offer support. Take care, Melanie [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: First pregnancy Author: luka [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 07/21/06 5:05pm I know you've made up your mind but i was just curious didn't you allready tell him you had decided to keep the baby? Last i heard he needed to not speak to you for a day and then what happened after that? Next thing we hear you've changed your mind. Unless i am missing something when you told him you were keeping the baby he stopped talking to you didn't he? Anyway you can only do the best you can with the information thats in front of you, with how you feel and what you feel is truth. Even if at a later point you regret your decision you can only do your best at the time. If this is what you think it is then ok. I don't think you're stupid, i think you got the impression i did because of my post earlier but thats not what i meant by it. I was just trying to tell you what i was seeing as an outisider based on what information i have. You want your baby -he doesn't, nobody except us were really supporting your decision to keep your baby and you are clinging to your boyfriend who wants you to have an abortion. It seemed logical to me to assume that you were begining to feel sorry for him too and feel bad about your decision to keep your baby because your mind was changing due to his and others influence. You decided they were right that you would be selfish for keeping your baby. But it's a far cry from one of your earlier posts about keeping your baby and how unfair they were all being and what about you and how you felt. So naturally i am looking at what you write and try to show you how you are systematically going against yourself because sometimes you're just too tired and sick and alone and you don't feel like you could or would want to have to defend yourself and your decision to keep your baby. You don't want to be treated like you've done something wrong and oh poor Dom. Thats not what you want, no one does. I say all of these things because i am in a similar situation in terms of lack of support. I understand why the idea of having this baby in some respects seems unappealing. When you imagine yourself having a child you want the father to be over the moon about it and you want those who are closest to you to celebrate with you. I get it. All i ever wanted to was to let you know that even under these circumstances things can work out. As long as you have considered the fact that you really could have kept your baby and things don't allways (rarely) stay the same and may well have turned around. If you truely understand that you DO have a choice here and the choice not to abort isn't ness all doom and gloom and you still want to go ahead and have an abortion.. then what can i say to that? I mean as long as you make an informed decision then it's better than you going into this aborton blindly expecting it to make things all better. It doesn't erase all that has happened it just kills your baby and makes your boyfriend and friends ect breathe a sigh of relief. It makes them feel better and you feel less pressured. You may not feel so hot afterwards but once the baby's gone it's gone. You'll have no choice but to go on with your life. And , one day, you may have another child. And when you do you will realise what you disposed of. Please don't get me wrong please understand i have had abortions i really do know what i am talking about here. I have seen both sides good and bad. I know you'll be ok and you can survive either way. But abortion at least for me has been a heavy burden on my consience it has affected my character knowing what i would have done, should have done if i'd only known better at the time. I have a hard time forgiving myself for what i did. And all the problems that existed before the abortion were still there after, it was only my baby that wasn't there anymore. It did not make me feel relieved and i wasn't able to just pretend it never existed or that i didn't do what i did. Please understand that what i write to you comes from trying to spare you unnessesary pain that's all. I do wish you all the best and please do let us know how you are after your abortion. Nobody here will juidge you or say we told you so, we are not cruel, we only care, we will just be here for you if you need to unload. There have been other women who have posted on this board after their abortions if you look at some of the older posts i'm sure you will find some and can see from that that noone is going to be negative towards you. We do support you! If we didn't, if all we were interested in was you not having an abortion then we would abandon you once you decided not to keep your baby and that is not the case. God bless.