Re: Secound time around. -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject: Re: Secound time around.

Author:
Pat

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Date Posted: 07/29/06 7:16pm
In reply to: Chyna 's message, "Secound time around." on 07/29/06 3:25pm

Hi, Chyna,

I am so glad you came!

If you don't want an abortion, don't have one! You have a right to refuse, and nobody has a right to pressure you into it. Obviously, having an abortion the first time didn't really solve anything, and it wouldn't this time, either. Once you make a decision and tell everyone that your mind is made up, most of them will stop pressuring you. If some still try to pressure you, just keep reminding them you have your mind made up. Nobody has a right to ask you to go through that. If they still bother you, leave the room or hang up the phone. And if they follow you, just tell them you are leaving the room, and they may not follow you. Keep this up until they leave you alone.

Your boyfriend decided to take a chance for the second time around, so he doesn't have any right to make any demands either. After all, he is just as responsible as you are. I suspect he's hurting from the first time, so cut him a little slack, but tell them your decision is firm. Most guys don't relate to pregnancy until they can see some evidence anyway, such as seeing changes in the mother's body, or feeling movement, or hearing a heartbeat, or seeing the ultrasound. Since he was excited the first time, chances are he will come around. Maybe he is trying to shield himself emotionally; he doesn't want to get his hopes up. You never know. Just give him a chance, but don't let him force you to do something you don't want to do.

And don't worry about messing up other people's lives. They're putting you into a position where you feel you have to either mess up their lives or mess up your baby's life. Your first responsibility is to your baby. They can choose whether or not to let what you do mess up their lives. It's not your responsibility to cave in so they won't "mess up their lives".

As for the practical problems, go to a crisis pregnancy agency. They'll help you with all the practical problems you face. They will also help you with counseling, and to stick by your decision. We will be here any time you need us. Good luck in sticking up for the two of you. Take care of yourself and your baby!

Hugs,
Pat

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[> Subject: Re: Secound time around.

Author:
Lisa
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Date Posted: 07/29/06 8:56pm

Hi Chyna,

Welcome to the board and conrgratulations on your pregnancy. All of us here on the board are of the philosphy that a baby is a blessing no matter the circumstances. Most of us on here have been in your shoes. Myself included. I am 38 years old and I got pregnant with my first baby (I had one prior miscarriage) at age 35. My daughter is now 2 1/2 and she is the best thing that ever happened to me. When I got pregnant, I was in school full time, had a great apt and a good car.

I decided right away to keep my baby, and things got complicated right away. I had to quit school, move to another place and I ended up on assistance. Not a bright story, I know, but it was all worth it. I am getting back on my feet again and I have my daughter! Her father does not see her, although he was excited about her in the beginning. I do get child support and you can too.

There is much help out there for single mothers. For starters, there is WIC which will provide you with good food and free formula if you bottle feed. I got it and I was working. My daughter still gets it.

A lot of the women on here are great at finding resources. They will need your state and nearest city if you can.

If you do not want a abortion, I would not have one. I dont know how any one can survive one, more or less 2 in less than a year. You can do this and we can help you.
Chances are your dad and your boyfriend will come around. My dad was so mad when I told him (and I was 35!) He is 71 now an my daughter (his only grandchild) is the apple of his eye. The minute he saw her, he was in love. Things take time, and like the ladies on here will tell you, there is a reason we are pregnant for nine months!

Good luck to you and follow your heart!

Love,

Lisa