Re: Secound time around. -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject: Re: Secound time around.

Author:
Melanie

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Date Posted: 07/31/06 10:49pm
In reply to: Chyna 's message, "Secound time around." on 07/29/06 3:25pm

Hi Chyna,

I'm sorry to hear about all the pressures you are going through. Whatever anyone thinks, you are ultimately the one that will have to live with your decision most. Chances are good that if your boyfriend was excited about the baby last time that he will come around this time. The main problem is that you crossed the barrier the first time so everyone assumes you can go through it again. That isn't necessarily true.

If you do not want an abortion the best thing you can do is to tell everyone and dig in your heels. The sooner they realize it isn't an option for you the more likely the pressure to do so will lessen. If they think there's a chance you'll relent then the pressure will get stronger.

What do you think the odds are that everyone involved will adore that baby once born? From my experience they are probably pretty good. I have seen some men who are completely disinterested, but since your boyfriend was interested before the abortion last time I think that would increase the odds that he'll eventually come around.

To be honest I'm not sure how any of us manages the first time around. Most women want and could use a little help, so don't be embarassed if you need some. Most people (even with planned pregnancies) aren't 100% ready. IT's a growing/learning process when you have a baby. You have some time to prepare. In your case, I would recommend a Crisis Pregnancy Center in your area. They can help with practical needs, but more important can offer a bit of emotional support for you. If your mom is willing to go with whatever you decide, then perhaps she can help you in getting the guys to back off a bit from pressuring you to abort.

Stay in touch, and let me know if you need help finding a Crisis Pregnancy Center in your area.

--Melanie

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[> Subject: Re: Secound time around.

Author:
luka
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Date Posted: 08/ 2/06 1:36am

Hello :) I am glad you have come to this forum for support. Every one of us has faced someting similar. I have had abortions too and i agree with what Melanie said others will just assume that you can just abort again. But the thought of abortion and the act are two very different things as you have learned from the experience of having one. It's a horrible feeling isn't it? You feel robbed but then you have the added agony of knowing that you walked into that clinic and paid these strangers to scrape /suction your live growing baby from your uterus. I struggled with that for so long just being angry at myself for going ahead with it. It was a difficult feeling to resolve for me because there was no upside to any of it- my baby was gone there was nothing i could do to change it. The people who influenced my decision i realised were not worth it if only for the fact that they wanted me to abort in the first place. Apeasing others unhappiness about my pregnancy did not feel like (and wasn't) a consolation after i aborted my baby. I just felt hollow. There was nothing special about it, i personally was not relieved, i just felt horribly guilty, regretful and depressed.
You can have your baby. You know you can. I am just echoing the words of others. Really think about it, close your eyes and think about continuing your pregnancy see how you feel physically is it a good feeling? And think about having an abortion imagine doing it again this time-How does that feel? I am in a crappy situation and i don't know exactly how i am going to get through it i just know that i am going to. I also feel that even with the negative stuff to do with my situation i still feel good about having my baby~ Those problems surrounding having my child i consider 'quality problems' -ones worthy of trying to work out. I am happy to rise to the challenge because its worth it. It just is. You'll see what i mean if you have your baby. The things most of us in this situation worry about usually resolve themselves one way or another and you have this heaven sent little human being. You just can't begin to understand how much you can love another being untill you hold your newborn child in your arms. You'll never get your first baby back but you can honor that childs memory and make it mean something by not having another abortion with this baby. I am excited for you that you may keep your child because it's such a wonderful thing. I am at the stage of my pregnancy where i have begun to feel little kicks it's *So* cool :) I smile every time i feel it. I can't wait to finally meet my baby..I hope that you get to meet yours.