Create a New Forum Admin Login Member Login Contribute to Voyager Search VoyForums Help Desk VoyForums Exchange VoyForums Directory/Categories VoyForums Homepage VoyForums News FAQ - Frequently Asked Questions

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

Tuesday, April 16, 4:49:54

[ Login ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 ]

Subject: Re: Just found out...now what?? Author: Lori [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 07/28/09 1:10pm In reply to: Kristen 's message, "Just found out...now what??" on 07/27/09 6:42pm Kristen, Welcome to the board. I myself have experienced an unplanned pregnancy at the age of twenty. So, I do know what your going through. It can be scary and very overwhelming. Your mind is boggled with so many different thoughts and your emotions are running high and on overdrive. The first thing I will say is don't make any decision based on your emotions period. You need to think everything through, investigate all of your options and after you have done this then make a decision that you can live with. You are the one who will live with your decision and most people who make an informed decision do not regret it later. You need to know about abortion, all of the details as well as adoption and keeping your baby. Like Tracey said you are already a mom because you are pregnant and no matter what you choose you will still be a mom. God has given you this child and its up to you to decide what your going to do. I understand that you don't want to make a decision based on fear and you shouldn't. Any decision you make should give you peace and you should know deep down that your making the right choice. I did have my child and there was never a time where I wished that I had the abortion. I'm thankful everyday that God gave me two wonderful blessings. Did my life change? Absolutely, any time something different happens in your life you automatically have change. Change is what life is all about and change can be beautiful. Change can also be scary and overwhelming but when you decide to give life it can be one of the best changes you'll ever experience. Were all here for you. Were not going to judge you, or be critical of any decision that you choose to make. No matter what you decide we will be here for you. Your in my thoughts and prayers. If you need to talk feel free to email me any time. Take Care, Lori [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> [> Subject: Re: Just found out...now what?? Author: Kristen [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 07/28/09 3:49pm Thanks so much for the kind words, both of you. You're right, change is absolutely what life is all about and is thrown at you at the most unexpected of times. I think in my heart I want to keep this baby but it's my head, and the reality of the situation that I'm in, that's making me think twice (and three times, and four times...). I currently live with a roommate in a large-ish, expensive city. I wouldn't be able to afford to live on my own without help, nevermind with an infant. Moving home is always an option, but like I said before, I'm 27 years old. Moving home is the last thing I want to do. I've got student loans from college that I'm still paying off, and some credit card debt. I'm also paying off a car. I keep wondering...is this really the environment I want to raise a child in? I spoke to the father late last night, who lives in a different, but not significantly distant, city. We hadn't talked since the night this baby was conceived, and to his credit he didn't have a total meltdown. He was shocked of course, but he took it in stride. He does not want me to keep the baby, but is prepared to accept whatever decision I make - though he made it clear he would not be moving back to my city. He "has given up too much and come too far" to come back here. As if I woudn't be giving anything up to raise a child... But he said he would never turn his back on me, no matter what. I don't know what to do. I think my heart says keep it but there are so many factors that would prevent this child from having absolutely everything in this world that he or she deserves. I can't help but think it's irrisponsible to bring a baby into the world without being absolutely prepared to give it the best of everything. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> Subject: Re: Just found out...now what?? Author: Lori [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 07/31/09 12:40pm Kristen, I totally agree with what Tracey has said. Change can be good but change is always kind of scary because your moving forward without seeing exactly what is going on. We as humans love to be prepared for everything and see what's going to happen next before we decide to walk forward. Unfortunately, life demands us at times to walk forward without knowing. You said that in your heart you know that you want to keep the baby but your mind is telling you something else. I understand you completely. I myself was debating with my heart and mind when I experienced my unplanned pregnancy. I knew though that whatever I chose that I needed my heart and mind to agree. I don't like change either and its a hard process because your not certain of what will come next. However, the reward for change is all worth the uncertainty. No matter what you decide to do you will have uncertainty. The only thing you can do is investigate your options and go with the choice that you have total peace about. For me to have peace about any decision my heart and mind have to agree. If I don't want to have any regrets I know that I need to make an informed decision. You are a mom no matter what choice you choose to make and your heart knows that. Your mind is kind of a battlfield right now because your fighting your heart on what choice you should make. Your logical mind is looking at your current circumstances and wondering how you could be a mom right now. But, your already a mom because your pregnant. One thing I have learned in life is that circumstances always change. If we make a decision based on our current circumstances we are setting ourselves up for regret. We don't know what the next year may bring. This is why it is so important to make an informed decision because when you investigate all of your options and make a choice that you can live with for the rest of your life your less likely to regret your decision. As far as the child's father is concerned. I see guys like this all the time here on the board. Some of the guys don't come around but they are not the majority by far. He may ultimately decide to be the father he has destined himself to be. But, I wouldn't base my decision on this alone because there are many resources out there to help you and he would be responsible for child support regardless of the situation. I know your concern is the well being of your child and your child's future. We all want what is best for our children. However, the world has set us up to think that we need to have a lot of materialistic things in order to have a baby. The truth is that a baby needs health insurance, shelter, food, diapers, clothes and most importantly love. All of these things you can provide for them. There are many resources available that can help you with free health coverage, food, clothes and diapers. If your interested in any of these resources let me know and I can send you a list with phone numbers. If you contact your local pregnancy center they offer free counseling, and resouces. To find your local center copy and paste this address: http://www.pregnancycenters.org/advantage.asp . Your in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us updated and remember no matter what you choose we are here for you. With Love, Lori [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> Subject: Re: Just found out...now what?? Author: Tracey [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 07/28/09 4:26pm Hi Kristen! Yes, change can be good and of course scary when thrown at you and hits you like a mack truck out of nowhere! :) But you know, as scary as change can be, it can also be beautiful and enlightning. It can open a whole new chapter in our lives---one that we may not be quite prepared for, but nevertheless beautiful and exciting. It sounds like the father took the news well...even though he's leaning towards terminating, it doesn't sound like he's completely freaked out and demanding that you terminate. Lastly, I want to leave you with this...while all these emotions and feelings feel scattered and you're left just trying to pick up the pieces and make some sort of sense in all this...stop, take a deep breath, and listen to your heart. What is it telling you? We are here for you anytime you need to talk. My e-mail is always open as well. I am praying for peace and understanding in all this! Please continue to come back and keep us posted!!! God bless, Tracey [ Post a Reply to This Message ]