Re: Just found out...now what?? -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject: Re: Just found out...now what??

Author:
Kristen

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Date Posted: 07/28/09 3:49pm
In reply to: Lori 's message, "Re: Just found out...now what??" on 07/28/09 1:10pm

Thanks so much for the kind words, both of you. You're right, change is absolutely what life is all about and is thrown at you at the most unexpected of times. I think in my heart I want to keep this baby but it's my head, and the reality of the situation that I'm in, that's making me think twice (and three times, and four times...).

I currently live with a roommate in a large-ish, expensive city. I wouldn't be able to afford to live on my own without help, nevermind with an infant. Moving home is always an option, but like I said before, I'm 27 years old. Moving home is the last thing I want to do. I've got student loans from college that I'm still paying off, and some credit card debt. I'm also paying off a car. I keep wondering...is this really the environment I want to raise a child in?

I spoke to the father late last night, who lives in a different, but not significantly distant, city. We hadn't talked since the night this baby was conceived, and to his credit he didn't have a total meltdown. He was shocked of course, but he took it in stride. He does not want me to keep the baby, but is prepared to accept whatever decision I make - though he made it clear he would not be moving back to my city. He "has given up too much and come too far" to come back here. As if I woudn't be giving anything up to raise a child...

But he said he would never turn his back on me, no matter what.

I don't know what to do. I think my heart says keep it but there are so many factors that would prevent this child from having absolutely everything in this world that he or she deserves. I can't help but think it's irrisponsible to bring a baby into the world without being absolutely prepared to give it the best of everything.

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Re: Just found out...now what??

Author:
Lori
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Date Posted: 07/31/09 12:40pm

Kristen,

I totally agree with what Tracey has said. Change can be good but change is always kind of scary because your moving forward without seeing exactly what is going on. We as humans love to be prepared for everything and see what's going to happen next before we decide to walk forward. Unfortunately, life demands us at times to walk forward without knowing.
You said that in your heart you know that you want to keep the baby but your mind is telling you something else. I understand you completely. I myself was debating with my heart and mind when I experienced my unplanned pregnancy. I knew though that whatever I chose that I needed my heart and mind to agree. I don't like change either and its a hard process because your not certain of what will come next. However, the reward for change is all worth the uncertainty.
No matter what you decide to do you will have uncertainty. The only thing you can do is investigate your options and go with the choice that you have total peace about. For me to have peace about any decision my heart and mind have to agree. If I don't want to have any regrets I know that I need to make an informed decision.
You are a mom no matter what choice you choose to make and your heart knows that. Your mind is kind of a battlfield right now because your fighting your heart on what choice you should make. Your logical mind is looking at your current circumstances and wondering how you could be a mom right now. But, your already a mom because your pregnant.
One thing I have learned in life is that circumstances always change. If we make a decision based on our current circumstances we are setting ourselves up for regret. We don't know what the next year may bring. This is why it is so important to make an informed decision because when you investigate all of your options and make a choice that you can live with for the rest of your life your less likely to regret your decision.
As far as the child's father is concerned. I see guys like this all the time here on the board. Some of the guys don't come around but they are not the majority by far. He may ultimately decide to be the father he has destined himself to be. But, I wouldn't base my decision on this alone because there are many resources out there to help you and he would be responsible for child support regardless of the situation.
I know your concern is the well being of your child and your child's future. We all want what is best for our children. However, the world has set us up to think that we need to have a lot of materialistic things in order to have a baby. The truth is that a baby needs health insurance, shelter, food, diapers, clothes and most importantly love. All of these things you can provide for them. There are many resources available that can help you with free health coverage, food, clothes and diapers. If your interested in any of these resources let me know and I can send you a list with phone numbers.
If you contact your local pregnancy center they offer free counseling, and resouces. To find your local center copy and paste this address: http://www.pregnancycenters.org/advantage.asp .
Your in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us updated and remember no matter what you choose we are here for you.

With Love,
Lori

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