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Subject: so scared

mercedes (scared)
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Date Posted: 10/26/09 6:55pm

im soo scared im 18 i graduated highschool but not yet gone to college i just found out im pregnant and have no idea wat to do with my unborn child.. i am steering more towards abortion thenn anything thats all i can think about i really dont want to ruin my life because i havent
even lived it yet i want to go to college and with a child iwouldnt be able to do that and really dont want to have this child but i wouldn have an adoption ither because if i were too keep the baby for 9 months n deliver it and see if i would oviously keep it HELPPP! please i really dont no and i know no one can make the decision for me

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[> Subject: Re: so scared

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Date Posted: 10/28/09 12:06am

Hello, Mercedes,

Please don't think that you won't have the opportunity to live your life. You say you want to go to college? Well, go to college already! I went to college when I was pregnant with my second child, who was born in the middle of the semester, and I aced my courses, and by the time I graduated, I had four children, three of them preschoolers. If I can do it, you can, too!

And you know what else I did? We raised seven children, and I homeschooled them. And I learned far more than they did. By the time they left home, I had learned the law and could defend myself in court, I had learned so much about desert herbology that I am in the process of writing a book about it, and it already has 900 pages. I learned to play two new musical instruments. I learned several new art forms, including creative needlepoint, glaze calculation (for pottery), and also several arts done digitally on the computer, including making fractal images with four different programs, digital landscapes with several programs, and abstracts. I also learned to read 14 languages fluently. I was the general contractor for our home, and I learned how to run a goat ranch. Much of this was a result of having children, believe it or not. And although I didn't have a lot of money to travel during the time we were raising our children, since they left home, I have done a great deal of traveling. And I have the photographs to show for it. I am even selling my photos and art online. And I have done plenty of other things as well.

If you would like to see my art, go here:


And now I have nine grandchildren and counting, and they are precious!

Hey, if I can live a full life like that, you can, too! Don't resort to violence. Think of nonviolent ways to deal with your problems. Please.

If you are going to college, you can get a Pell grant, and other kinds of help, if you are in the United States. There is also the college outreach program, which helps women with housing and other needs while attending college. You may have one at the college you want to attend. To find out more about this program, go here:


If you have an abortion, there is a good chance that you will lose interest in college and anything else that has meaning to you now. You know you have an unborn child. Do you want to live with the fact that you fatally harmed your baby, for the rest of your life?

Adoption is a good choice, but if you can't make that choice, being a mother is fine. We have two adopted children, and our younger daughter has two. But there are resources to help you. These organizations provide counseling, information about your choices, medical help, financial help, furniture, clothing, and supplies for your baby, and many other things. To find one near you, if you are in the United States, go here:


If you live in another country, go here:


Choose your country from the country list. There may be several pages. Click on "details" to get contact information.

Abortion is dangerous and can kill you or leave you seriously disabled. It can harm your future children. It can cause you to develop breast cancer while you are still young. It can prevent you from ever having children. It can fill you so full of despair that you won't even want to live. It is several times more likely a woman will experience a violent death in the year after her abortion, than if she carried to term. It's not worth the risk. You deserve better. Please keep yourself and your baby safe.


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[> Subject: Re: so scared

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Date Posted: 10/30/09 1:37pm


I know it's scary right now, but life has a beautiful way of working out. I almost aborted my first child. I was 18 and had just started college. I ended up cancelling the appointment and I am SO glad I did. My son turns 30 in December and his little boy just turned one yesterday! What I didn't realize at the time I was considering abortion is that the child I was carrying in me was a complete human being and was my first child! I thought of him as a "blob of tissues" or "mass of cells" like Planned Parenthood kept refering to him. But, even then, he had all his fingers and toes, he had all of his organs, his heart was beating and he had BRAIN WAVES! If I'd had an abortion, I would have never known the love and joy that my son (and now HIS son) would bring to this world. Instead, I always would have wondered "what would he or she have been like?" I would have lived with regret and loss.

There are all sorts of resources available for young women in crisis pregnancies. Your local county health nurse can help you apply for the WIC (Women Infants and Children) Program. It will give you vouchers for all sorts of free, healthy food!

This will be a life-defining decision for you: If you choose to carry the pregnancy to term, you will grow into the mother you are already starting to be. If you choose to abort, you will live forever with that reality - and you will never be able to undo it. (I've never known a woman to regret NOT having an abortion, but I've known of LOTS of women who regret HAVING HAD an abortion.)

Please step back from the option of adoption and look at it objectively. Maybe placing your baby with an adoptive family, while difficult for you, would be the most loving thing for you to do for yourself AND for your baby. You would know that you'd done something very meaningful and beautiful - and you would not have to live with the knowledge that you killed your first child. It would be such a generous, self-sacrificing thing to do. You could do an open adoption (most are open these days) that would allow you to play some role in your child's life (a role that you and the adoptive parents would decide upon.) Who knows, it could be that a family right now is praying for your very child to come into their family! Maybe everything is happening for a reason at this time in your life...

I'll say a prayer for you.


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