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Date Posted: 03/31/10 9:09am
You need to make a break from this man. And, please, please, please don't let your little one pay with its life for his being a jerk. You are stronger than you think. You can see right through the lies he's told you. You know you're worthy of love and you know that HE has to claim FULL responsibility for HIS cheating. I know you say you're "weak", but I think you'd surprise yourself if you committed yourself to washing your hands of him.
There are a lot of resources available for women and children. You need to be sure to get on the W.I.C. program. That provides you with free vouchers for milk, eggs, cheese, iron-fortified cereal, fruit juice, peanut butter, and beans! It's a wonderful program and has a very high income ceiling (meaning you can make quite a bit of money and STILL be eligible for it ;-) In fact, it covers you through your entire pregnancy and for one year after the baby is born, if you decide to nurse. If you don't nurse, it covers your baby until he or she is 5-years-old. It would cover all of your other children up to age 5, too! To get on the program, contact your County Health Nurse at your County Courthouse.
It sounds like you are a spiritual person. I'd strongly recommend praying and asking for strength and wisdom. You need strength to withstand the temptation to take your husband back. He is not a good influence on you or on your children. And, he says he'll shape up, but he doesn't. You've given him MANY chances. He's emotionally abusive. You deserve to be free of that. God can show you a path to freedom from that abuse. And, pray for strength to be the strong mother you obviously are, to protect your little one and not sacrifice him or her as the "easy" way out. It would haunt you forever if you did. I don't say that to everyone, but from what you've posted, I feel very strongly that you would live with tremendous regret and remorse.
You have four children depending upon you. You need to take care of YOU and be free of this man's detrimental effect on your life.
I will say a prayer for you for strength and peace and God's guidance. I know He will show you the way.
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