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Wed, Apr 22 2026, 21:34:35 [ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, [3] ]

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Date Posted: Mon, Jun 12 2000, 14:19:28
Author: steve
Subject: Lawyers

Lawyers

"Lawyers typically aren't funny -- unless by accident.
Case in point: The following questions from lawyers
were taken from official court records nationwide...

Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in
his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away
and doesn't know anything about it until the next
morning?

Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you
can identify me.'
Q: Did he kill you?

Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

Were you alone or by yourself.

How long have you been a French Canadian?

Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize
that picture.
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

Were you present in court this morning when you were
sworn in?

Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage
terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on November 8.
Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August
8?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?

Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally
stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

So you were gone until you returned?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there girls?

You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it
looked like, but can you describe it?

Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.

A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of
unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and
said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next
question."

Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you
examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about
8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that
correct?
A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table
wondering why I was doing an autopsy!

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