Re: My precious daughter, Sam -- Angelic Whispers and Reflections Forum

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Date Posted: 17:30:17 04/16/05 Sat
Author: Louise Schickram
Subject: Re: My precious daughter, Sam
In reply to: joyce sullivan 's message, "My precious daughter, Sam" on 21:35:31 08/13/04 Fri

Dear Joyce,
Oh how I feel your pain! I'm glad to know that I am not alone with my feelings. Yes, noone understands. I have read in a grievance book, "to lose a spouse or mother or father, or someone close is like losing an arm, "BUT" to lose a child is like losing a lung". That is so true. When your child leaves, part of you goes with them.
I too, feel as you do. I lost my son 5 years ago, and yes, it still feels like it just happened yesterday. I will never get over it. My son Gary, took his own life with a gun. I have no clue as to why, and will never know. It is such a pain to have raised a child and then to lose them.
But we have to go on to be there for others who love us and depend on us, this is what kept me going. Yes, there are times when I feel I failed and I want to end it all, but what would that prove? What what the results be?
It is so hard to think of others, rather than ourselves and our pain. Noone ever understands. Only those of us who have lived it.
Please try to accept what happened and realize it was out of your control.
Your baby is O.K. I talk to my son everyday. He knows my pain and I don't think he wants me to feel it because I know he is finally free from all the pain he felt in this life. Yes, that too is so hard believe and accept.
But we have to try to let go, or we will never heal.
We never forget. I can't And I am still haunted by it everyday. But yet I go on. I miss Gary so much.Almost every night I dream of him. Sonetimes nighmares, sometimes memories. I feel he is trying to be with me.
Do you ever dream of your Samantha? I fought it at
first,but now I really feel he is trying to show me he is with me and he is o.k.
I cry alot, I will never forget him, he was my best friend.
He would not want me to wreck my life over him, I know that.
I still have another son and 3 step-children. They need me and if my pain shows, they feel it too. I am going through alot of emotional ups and downs. But I have to be strong and remember that others need me. Yeah, I know, why can't they see that I need them? Because they have never suffered the worst pain ever that I have felt. But you have, and I am glad to have come upon this sight so I can talk and share with someone else who is hurting like me.
Please write me, and we can talk. It is the best way to heal
and go on. It doesn't hurt to remember, for they will always be our babies.
But I know they would never want us to stop living. They are with God and at peace. Please try to comfort yourself with that. I know it's hard, it is for me too, cause I want him back, just for 5 minutes to tell me why? But I will never know. I just have to accept that it was to be, that it was God's plan, and he is at peace finally with God.
I will pray for you and keep you in my thoughts as I hope you will me too. Please feel free to contact me. I would love to talk to someone who also feels and understands my pain.

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Replies:

Re: My precious daughter, Sam -- David, 13:01:09 05/20/05 Fri