| Subject: A funny for ya - little bit rude |
Author:
Trevor/TJ
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Date Posted: 16:40:16 08/10/03 Sun
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
> 1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
> 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
> 3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
> 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
> 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
> 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
> 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
> 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
> 9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
> 10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
> 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."
> 12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."
> 13. The recommended grace before a meal is not "Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeaaah, GOD!"
> 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
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