Re: Possibly having to choose to terminate or not -- Poor Prenatal Diagnosis-Advice And Support

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Subject: Re: Possibly having to choose to terminate or not

Author:
Sharon

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Date Posted: 20:25:29 03/18/05 Fri
In reply to: Heather Bailey 's message, "Possibly having to choose to terminate or not" on 19:24:14 03/15/05 Tue

Heather,

I don't usually post to this board, but I saw your post and my heart goes out for you. I feel I need to share my thoughts.

First, I can't imagine losing two babies. That must have been absolutely devastating. I don't blame you for fearing having to possibly go through that again and possibly having your baby suffer, as the second little one did.

But, I think perhaps the single most important person right now is your 7-year-old son. Even if you try to gently explain it to him, he will know that you chose to "kill" his little brother or sister. He will likely feel fear, even though it wouldn't be founded, that HE might be in danger of possibly not being perfect enough or good enough to warrant your protection. I know this sounds harsh, and I SO wish you weren't having to wrestle with this at this time (that there were no cpc's and no threat of any abnormality), but I truly think that of all the ones involved, your 7-year-old stands to suffer the most if you decide to abort at this late stage. True, it may be this baby also has the abnormality and may not live for long. But, your little boy is right: he will love his little brother or sister no matter what...in fact, he already does.

God bless you and your family. I will truly keep you in my prayers.

Sharon

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Re: Possibly having to choose to terminate or not

Author:
Monica
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Date Posted: 20:30:20 03/18/05 Fri

Hi Heather,

What an incredibly difficult situation you are in. I'm sorry for the loss of two precious children and all the stress of the upcoming testing and decisions . . . I'm glad you are reaching out for some answers and support.

I don't think anyone would want to face losing a child again. I mean, wouldn't you rather cut off your arms than go through that kind of grief? But still, you have that voice within you that is conflicted. You have a child who wants to welcome a baby brother no matter what. Lots of difficult things in the mix there.

I think you've got to ask yourself, ultimately, if the brief time you had with your children was precious time. IF this baby is affected, would you throw away that precious time?

I can think of two moms in similar situations as you. One had two children with Zellweger's syndrome -- her name is Nancy Guthrie and she wrote a book about her story - I think it's available thru Tyndale Press. The second child with this disease she knew in utero -- so like you, she knew what she was facing.

The other mom is Theresa. She carried two babies with anencephaly, which if you've not heard of it is universally fatal within hours, days, maybe a week and a half at the most. I will share an essay she wrote while she carried Charlotte (her second baby with anencephaly):

http://www.benotafraid.net/article.asp?id=26

I hope that reading about these moms will help you know that you aren't alone. You know more than many that you will face a lot of opposition if you decide to carry your baby boy after finding out that he does have the condition -- but you alone are this child's mother and only you will understand the value of his life in this world, however short it may be -- you, your husband, and your little boy.

Please hang in there and share your thoughts and feelings as you can!

Sincerely, Monica