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DEAD POET'S SOCIETY sucking the marrow out of life |
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isnt it -- jian, 00:56:00 06/22/04 Tue
isnt hard to smile
when you really want to cry
isnt it hard to leave
when you want to stay
isnt it hard to contain
your tears
isnt hard to contain
all your fears
[11pm bus] -- natalya, 15:28:36 06/20/04 Sun
The filter crashed unto the drain cover and the smoldering tobacco splashed
fireworks. FIREWORKS!
before all slipped through the grilles into the vault of dark waters.
It lasted but a second.
[4 hour conversation] -- natalya, 15:18:20 06/20/04 Sun
"You wanna eat?"
"Yeah, I'm starving."
"..."
"..."
"So, am I supposed to cook?"
"Yeah, I was waiting for you to do it."
"Ha. Ok you do the dishes."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
squirrel -- platypus, 02:13:49 06/09/04 Wed
platypus
platypus
platypus
platypus
platypus
platypus
platypus
platypus
platypus
platypus
platypus
platypus
platypus
platypus
platypus
platypus
platypus
platypus
platypus
platypus
platypus
platypus
platypus
thinking
squirrel
squirrel
squirrel
squirrel
squirrel
squirrel
squirrel
squirrel
squirrel
squirrel
squirrel
squirrel
squirrel
squirrel
squirrel
squirrel
squirrel
squirrel
squirrel
squirrel
squirrel
squirrel
squirrel
I opened it.
Tasting Sweetness -- Hum Jim Bang, 13:37:33 05/30/04 Sun
Sweet:
a)Pleasing to the mind or feelings; gratifying
b)Pleasing to the senses
c)Kind; gracious (www.dictionary.com)
Do U mean any of the above?
If U do,
Do U really mean it?
Do U have anymore to say?
I jus wonder.
sigh -- Hum Jim Bang, 13:23:39 05/29/04 Sat
I know,
This is cliche,
and too over used a phrase,
But
life is,
really like a roller coaster ride.
nowadays -- sin, 01:04:17 05/24/04 Mon
But what happens when I still love you.
trying -- jian, 10:32:20 05/22/04 Sat
everyone is just trying to live their own lives
we are all trying
just trying
[] -- natalya, 11:44:05 05/11/04 Tue
I like the part where you went
la la la la~
I remember that
7th evening -- sin, 02:02:20 05/11/04 Tue
You can't come back soon enough.
Please please please do.
And when you do
I will drink you from my lips
And spit out in return
these seeds you've sown.
7th evening -- sin, 02:00:00 05/11/04 Tue
You can't come back soon enough.
Please please please do.
reminder -- jian, 23:01:16 05/10/04 Mon
someone asked why i was wearing a ring
because i lost a bracelet
in a fireworks display
because you said
you would never buy me one
because i wanted
you to buy me one
but it has been too long
so much so that i forgot
the tale behind the ring
but i didnt forget
to smile
at it's gleam
goodbye -- jian, 10:27:02 05/08/04 Sat
so you have decided to get off the bus
to let go your seat
is it indeed your stop?
or did you just need a change in the scenery?
perhaps you prefer the tunnel
to the street
the glow of lamps
to the sky
perhaps i shouldnt say bye
for i would only cry
but then i chose to
stay on while you alight
for i gave up my seat
to the elders too often
in a sea of jellyfish
i wonder how is your trip
whether you'd imagine
the sky above
for i will imagine that i am in a tunnel
there -- jian, 23:32:26 05/05/04 Wed
i went back today
i dunno why
but i went back today
i sat there today
i dunno why
but i placed my bag there again today
but u werent there today
so it is true then
i hope u had a better day
then the day i teased u away
on a bus i read a note
which i had wished to hear many moons ago
i dunno why
but my eyes are moist
the day that u were not there
that i acted as if i didnt care
[forty-two] -- natalya, 00:28:13 05/03/04 Mon
Frigid lands. howling mounds, sacred towns
Mirthless men, silent beasts, midnight frowns
Three mentions of Søren two days in a row
A-HA!
I almost knew what to do and where to go
together -- jian, 13:10:10 04/28/04 Wed
maybe they werent meant to be together
the collision of two worlds
created confusion to give birth
what had they seen in each other
i would sometimes wonder
would they be happier
without one another
contentment they say is the answer
but their tone betrays each other
[hangover dawn] -- natalya, 14:16:38 04/27/04 Tue
| cold early morning shower wakes me up |
[6 seconds after you alighted from the bus] -- natalya, 02:29:03 04/27/04 Tue
I regret pulling away when you grabbed my shoulders and tried to kiss my lips
I regret withdrawing my hands when you wanted to hold them
I regret shoving your arms when you mischievously tickled the back of my ears
I regret not reciprocating your hug
I regret looking away when you looked at me
I regret waving goodbye to you
I regret my apparent indifference
I regret not telling you everything
Truth is
every ounce of me wants you
but I'm just not brave enough
You belong up there amongst the stars
not down here with a tatter-winged butterfly
I want to say I love you
but this is one time the heart refuses its role
I want to say I love you
but I'm just not brave enough
my morning love -- sin, 01:49:48 04/25/04 Sun
I wish you would stop giving me that smile, intoxicated with sleep when I kiss you in the mornings.
You whine too, you know. And you laugh in pillows.
When I say goodbye you are not supposed to nudge closer and say dont go.
It all fades when you wake.
imagine -- sin, 01:27:29 04/25/04 Sun
In my dream
you said it was all for me
And I felt closure.
But it isn't me.
I'll always be a Thursday.
[come monday] -- natalya, 10:00:01 04/24/04 Sat
I really do
like
this queasy
finger fidgeting
thought of seeing you again
schoolboys schoolgirls schoolboys schoolgirls
A ticket -- Hum Jim Bang, 01:52:48 04/24/04 Sat
Enter Here, he said.
Shown a ticket to a forbidden place,
A strange but familiar place,
A Place, I was once not meant to be,
And A place I almost grown to despise.
But here I am, Stepping onto its virtual soil,
Backed from Recuperation and back in the Act,
but no more worries of being caught in the act,
As this time, its all meant to be.
I AM invited.
running security guard -- jian, 23:52:04 04/22/04 Thu
three times in a straight row
i see a lizard's tail rushing
by in the living room
perhaps he is guarding the house
or perhaps he is trying to escape
but no one is holding him back
from this little frame
there are gaps in the door
there are cracks in the floor
for him to squeeze through
but he's presence will linger
whenever i hear his laughter
[letter #9021] -- natalya, 10:07:20 04/19/04 Mon
You swine. You vulgar little maggot. Don't you know that you are pathetic? You worthless bag of filth. As they say in Texas, "I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel." You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you.
You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you. You are a bloody nardless newbie twit protohominid chromosomally aberrant caricature of a coprophagic colossal parasitic pond scum, and I wish you would go away.
You're a putrescence mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, and a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, revulsion, and a big suck on a sour lemon.
You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts that sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.
I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, and a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?
If you aren't an idiot, you made a world-class effort at simulating one. You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.
You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.
And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?
You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meatslapper.
On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.
I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know.
Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.
P.S.:
You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratries, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecile, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, Byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, despotic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, abrasive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, clueless, and generally Not Good.
Ode to Dermo - Mr Lang
You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you. You are a bloody nardless newbie twit protohominid chromosomally aberrant caricature of a coprophagic colossal parasitic pond scum, and I wish you would go away.
You're a putrescence mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, and a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, revulsion, and a big suck on a sour lemon.
You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts that sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.
I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, and a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?
If you aren't an idiot, you made a world-class effort at simulating one. You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.
You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.
And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?
You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meatslapper.
On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.
I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know.
Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.
P.S.:
You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratries, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecile, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, Byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, despotic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, abrasive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, clueless, and generally Not Good.
Ode to Dermo - Mr Lang
then -- jian, 22:21:41 04/18/04 Sun
she went to
bangkok on
07|06|1968
23|08|1973
31|05|1975
18|09|1982
21|06|1991
australia on
29|09|1978
11|10|1978
usa on
25|05|1990
he went to
indonesia on
13|06|1971
08|02|1977
23|05|1978
13|06|1978
01|08|1978
02|04|1984
13|02|1984
bangkok on
17|04|1977
30|11|1977
04|10|1978
05|02|1979
23|07|1979
23|05|1984
11|01|1981
15|09|1982
11|04|1983
new york on
11|06|1983
heathrow on
14|10|1985
07|06|1987
hongkong on
16|04|1987
07|12|1980
26|07|1981
their paths on two planes
met in the stars
their existance
like two smiles in a car
not a shame -- how, 02:19:40 04/18/04 Sun
no its not.
never a shame when people care
only when you are in trouble.
no its not.
never a shame when people call
only when you are in trouble.
no its not.
never a shame when people cry
only when you are in trouble.
no its not.
never a shame when people miss
only when you are gone.
for we are only humans.
at least not a stranger.
never care, never call, never cry, never miss.
for that we are better.
flood -- jian, 23:07:10 04/17/04 Sat
a flood of phonecalls
after the evening news
it is nice to know that
people care
but isnt it a shame
that it only occurs
when you hear bad news?
under a starry night -- jian, 10:02:20 04/16/04 Fri
the darkness reminded me of the light
a time when the moon reflected upon the water
where waves formed a screen of silk
when waves were the froth of beer
and here i am without you
wondering if i was ever a part of you
because i miss you
i do
the living and the dead -- mel, 00:47:11 04/10/04 Sat
i would like to belive
that life isn't
an empty vessel
screaming with echos
that reverberates
with an eerie silence
what i have in my hands
are seconds
going into minutes
which extends eventually to days
doing naught
but living
as a corpse would
killing time----by "the observatory" -- how, 01:27:00 04/06/04 Tue
killing time
killing time
don't really know what to do
sad is the man
who lives by the sea
wasting time
wasting time
watching as nothing goes by
sad is the man
with an empty life
killing time
killing time
long is the passage of time
sad is the man
with an absent mind
beating time
beating time
ran as the wind goes by
sad is the man
who is tired of life
so sad is the man
so sad is the man
sad is the man
who lives by the sea
hands -- jian, 12:40:25 04/04/04 Sun
a dragon's hand
turned into a crocodile
it tried to bite me
and so i flee
making it easy -- jian, 08:19:32 04/03/04 Sat
you dont make it easy for me to move on
the trails left behind
send me back to where i came from
i'm sure it doesnt mean what i think it does
but i cant help but read deeper into the the rush
but i know i have to go on
i cant continue sleepwalking
i have to move on
through the glass -- Jian, 08:31:07 03/27/04 Sat
i saw you through the glass
your hair is shorter now
your eyes look duller now
you look older now
perhaps it is the wake of work
that draws from people their youth
perhaps it is just that we are apart
so i didnt see you grow
but it is the distance
that makes a difference
that makes em recall
that makes me smile
that makes everyone a part
a part of it all
boyface -- sin, 16:13:12 03/17/04 Wed
I like it most when you wake up bleary and utter in your thickly accented mother tongue not quite the same as mine.
It is raining, isn't it?
It reminds me your breath is a foreign one but your hands are my familiar place.
fable -- jian, 08:32:00 03/16/04 Tue
the tales we have been told
are but fables
fairytales
about a giant orange
that saw red
when a latte was choosen over him
an elf running in chase across the bridge
only to find himself in some new york avenue
the fairygod mother
laying stiff on the table
covered by a silk blanket
awoken by the tears of cinderella
that puff the magic dragon
looked into the sky to find
that the sky was not blue
but came in many hues
that people are models
standing on pedestals
it is time to come down
dont frown
table thoughts -- sin, 01:15:26 03/16/04 Tue
I needed a one.
To spread my drawings upon.
I always said that
But I thought you never heard.
You must have climbed in after your rock show
I wished I was here to receive it, together with your sweated scent, I know you would surely ask me if you stink, if you played a good show.
But I love the way you stink. And your show was terrible, you are better off singing your bedroom songs to me.
Maybe I should go look for a pedestal
So I can spread you upon it beneath me.
Didn't -- how, 07:02:50 03/15/04 Mon
stuck in a hole
didn't even know.
gone the passion
didn't even mention.
proud to admit
didn't even submit.
got to continue
didn't know the avenue.
didn't I?
something is wrong with phantom planet -- sin, 04:51:32 03/15/04 Mon
Burn me down if that's how everything's gonna start
With a flame from the heat off the look on your face
On a day like today
I could have made out every raindrop falling down
On your head
Now I fear that I may taste
These tears rolling down my face
And realize something is wrong
With the light of the sun
In the color of the sky
With you and everyone.
not only you -- sin, 02:57:26 03/15/04 Mon
Truth is
like
like
a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.
I remembered.
Latte -- how, 22:26:55 03/14/04 Sun
The mug was new.
The foam, foreign.
Bubbles were bigger.
Taste was more bitter.
Finally I found something closer.
yet its not close enough.
The milk was weird.
The seeds, probably different.
But it seemed good enough.
Maybe it had been too long.
Finally something I can call
Latte.
Remembering the one in the subway.
Or the one by that frozen lake.
[the blanket] -- natalya, 20:10:26 03/13/04 Sat
You push it, stretch it,
it'll never be enough.
You kick at it, beat it,
it'll never cover any of us.
From the moment we enter crying
to the moment we leave dying,
it will just cover your face
as you wail and cry and scream.
requiem for a dream -- sin, 12:38:41 03/13/04 Sat
if this is orange
then
what is red?
enigma -- how, 01:19:16 03/13/04 Sat
even so?
am i deaf or am i just blind.
am i running for running or chasing for chasing.
what if i don't know.
what if things don't matter.
what if it is.
?
even so?
[] -- natalya, 17:32:12 03/11/04 Thu
But I'm not ok,
Even bridges make me cry.
I'm an orange!
I'm an orange!
And oranges don't cry.
and so -- jian, 09:40:33 03/09/04 Tue
and so i gave chase
running past buildings
running through tunnels
going down the escalator
only having to go back up
grabbing a pack of money
tucked in my hand
going after a fleeting hand
as if i were to catch sight of them again
i didnt care and just ran
[] -- natalya, 19:56:40 03/06/04 Sat
the used -- sin, 10:16:45 03/06/04 Sat
I remember now
You were always a little embarressed
When you said
I can't.
roses are red, violets are blue -- jian, 00:43:37 03/03/04 Wed
she didnt know
i didnt dare
the vision is blurred
but who cares
perhaps you do?
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