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DEAD POET'S SOCIETY sucking the marrow out of life |
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[re:] -- natalya, 14:37:13 03/01/04 Mon
Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
What [and how] do you know?
With flashing lights and sleepless nights,
And true heroes all on death row.
dear sin -- jian, 00:38:26 03/01/04 Mon
dear sin dear sin
so what was said was true
happiness does come looking for you
i found hope
in a city so cold
i found inspiration
although i didnt know
life is better
although i dont know
life is easier
because i know
why -- mel, 22:39:48 02/24/04 Tue
why is life
filled with so many uncertainties
that hits me in the face
just when i think
everything is a routine
lives in the same room -- jian, 00:27:01 02/19/04 Thu
a lizard ran across the wall
i think the lizard is lonely in this empty house
always running when it sees me
dashing from one room into another
looking for a home
i wonder where it sleeps
perhaps on my pillow when i lay asleep
or in my shoe
awaiting for me when i leave
the lizard is shy
i wish he would stop
so that i can say hi
then i can ask
who accompanies him
when i roam the streets
distance -- mel, 16:11:41 02/17/04 Tue
so near
and yet so far
it seems as if u were at my fingertips
but that was naught but
u captured on film
thinking back
brings back memories
of laughter and joy
to meet was not to be
for distance
was what's between us
there we live
in our own worlds
yet in the same universe
so near
yet so far
love poem -- sin, 11:34:30 02/17/04 Tue
I watch you sleep.
That's when your vulnerability is most exposed.
I can hurt you but I don't.
Inside, I feel a certain need to protect you.
You shelter me in the day.
When night closes, I take over.
Instead, I let my thoughts runaway with your stolen dreams.
So this is as close as you can get to an eternity.
[radio interference: just can't get enough] -- natalya, 09:29:45 02/13/04 Fri
It wastes time
And I'd rather be high
Think I'll walk me outside
And buy a rainbow smile
But be free
They're all free
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
do you? -- sin, 01:49:18 02/04/04 Wed
Yes I would love to indulge in the melodrama
Of us leaving.
Take me to Taipei.
In your hometown
I will find myself there.
there again -- jian, 10:02:52 02/02/04 Mon
perhaps it is the uncertainty
that keeps people apart
perhaps it is because of others' approval
that people stay together
is it better to for either to be happier
when none can be happy?
is it because of others
that we dont want to be lonely
spoken is always better than silence
but silence is deeper than actions
i'll miss the times
when it happens
ledzep -- sin, 01:45:50 01/25/04 Sun
Why don't you
Take a good look at yourself and describe
What you see?
And
Baby
Baby
Baby,
Do you like it?
There you sit,
Sitting spare like a book on a shelf rusting
Not trying to fight it.
You really don't care
If they're coming.
I know
That it's all a state of mind.
here with me -- jian, 23:22:53 01/24/04 Sat
and i saw my sunset
in the sky
amongst the clouds
it was spectacular
i wish you were here
because it would mean that it would be even more beautiful
27/12/2003 1850hrs bbk
12 years -- how, 14:38:47 01/21/04 Wed
funny how 12 years slipped by like nothing.
and many thought they did something.
i ponder and wonder.
wat am i or where am i or how am i.
funny how 12 years slipped by like something.
or is it 12 years only?
[radio interference: recurring mirrors] -- natalya, 12:43:46 01/21/04 Wed
If you go down in the streets today
you better open your eyes
Folk down there really don't care
really don't care
don't care
really don't
which way the pressure lies
So I've decided what I'm gonna do now
So I'm packing my bags for the Misty Mountains
where the spirits go now
over the hills where the spirits fly
I really don't know
sore -- mel, 01:19:51 01/20/04 Tue
seeing you sitting there
irks me
wandering around aimlessly
with no goal in mind
go get a life
sitting here -- jian, 08:59:03 01/17/04 Sat
and so he was sitting next to me all along
a presense i didnt sense
a presense i cannot understand
and so we sat together again
but he pretends
so i have to
sitting here, it makes no sense
butterfly in reverse -- sin, 01:22:31 01/15/04 Thu
He makes me forget you.
Why do you never come stop it?
[untitled] -- natalya, 15:21:56 01/14/04 Wed
It's been days
and I still do not know what to say
as I see you
slowly
slipped away.
home -- mel, 17:36:28 01/03/04 Sat
a step out
a foreign land
little did i know
what was in store
there,
a reflection of joy
of sadness
and pain
an experience
i sought for
only to yearn
for the familarity
i once known
and now i am home
disorientated and lost
admist the familarity
where am i
i do not know
leaving -- sin, 21:38:37 12/31/03 Wed
Why is your home
So far away?
How
Can it be further than Taipei?
But I dont have to go home.
But eventually you will.
time to go -- mel, 01:07:01 12/24/03 Wed
an awkward silence
for i knew not what to say
an exchange of glances
an awkward smile
bit by bit
i had walked away
taking larger steps
along the way
it made me fall
i hoped for his hand
in front of me
but that is naught
but a dream
i knew this would come
yet i had sunk in
deeper
as time passed
only to feel myself
being pulled apart
it wasn't anyone's fault,
but a play of circumstance
it is indeed
time to go
dear sin oh dear -- jian, 09:10:34 12/19/03 Fri
dear sin oh dear
i went running after happiness again
when i fully know that
happiness finds you
the time will come
when i will crush
but it is not now
i am in a rush
when i am at rest
then reality will clash
and then i will have to move on
and on
oh dear
oh dear
[radio interference] -- natalya, 15:05:21 12/17/03 Wed
I love you
I love you?
I don't know
I thought I was...
I don't know
I made a list of songs for you
but I don't think you'll ever get it
Guess what?
A cop with a mohawk
and a six-year-old bleached
Are you?
Am I...
I didn't know
I think we are looking at the same piece of cumulus
Are you still there?
Ha, that stupid MNG pencil case of yours
Am I all alone?
...again?
Were you afraid?
I knew I...
We ran a lot, didn't we?
Whatever
I am
wrenched -- mel, 00:12:57 12/15/03 Mon
i was told
that he was sad.
yet,
among the sadness
he was beaming
with a certain radience.
it bade me forward
to touch,
to feel.
only to be scorched
by his flame so hot
should i retreat
i do not know.
standing at the cross roads,
neither path am i willing to take
my legs are but rooted
leaving me stranded
alone...
the sight of him
tortures me
with a warmth.
two perfect opposites
wrenching me apart
life has once again
played its tricks.
gullible am i
to take it in.
hook,
line,
sinker
once upon -- how, 08:18:39 12/13/03 Sat
she likes vagueness
yet she chose certainty
such a scene
not the first time i've seen
some say tragedy
i say
its only part of a melody
of a beautiful song
that isn't long
like the story
of the Happy Prince
his love lived
and that is all that matters
so did hers
so are yours
just that they didn't meet
didn't meet at all
shirts and gloves -- sin, 23:29:31 12/12/03 Fri
I think I miss you most
On Wednesdays and Saturdays.
[untitled as yet] -- natalya, 17:06:01 12/12/03 Fri
I love you
war -- jian, 14:33:49 12/10/03 Wed
i thought that the war has ended
but the struggle continues
perhaps it was never a war
but a scene of a mind
so i shut the mind
and removed myself from reality
only to find a still moment in
my fantasy
india in an email -- jian, 12:13:51 11/28/03 Fri
ah...that was living
though i am in a distant land
india has followed me
stayed close to my heart
appeared every once in a while...
today it came in an email ...
in these few months,
through conversations, child labour and india flow from my mouth
while visiting korean architecture, spaces reminded me of the times where i tried to analyse columns with jo and spoke in canto with marcus and yen abt good workmanship....
catching sight of prata...and all the eggs we had to go along with them...
the winter sun that disappears before you and the orange strokes across the indian skies
stars and the moon reminded me of those rooftop explorations, to see the galaxy from our small perspective
of koreans holding my hands and giving my hugs reminded me of the warmth of a people whom i still do not really know
of weeds that creep along the korean roads and the tour and bouquet that middle arun passionately collected
of elwin's tears when i know i will leave korea and leave yet another part of myself in another world
somethings just dont change.... i still talk about food here all the time
but i am in tears knowing that we are all apart
that all you can see are my words and not my heart
thank you tara for reminding me
that there is so much more to life
of the good times we had
take care and i'll see you soon enough
then i can keep my tissue and recover my heart.
here and then -- sin, 23:42:03 11/21/03 Fri
Seven years ago
I stood by the corridor watching
Your boyish charms drowning in molecules
Of oxygen saturated in my way
As I inhaled.
Today
I nestle in your bed holding
Your weary head sinking in my obivilion
Taking in the most of me
As you inhaled.
I never thought you could be mine then.
But still you never are really mine now.
forget + recall -- jian, 00:02:01 11/15/03 Sat
i forgot the colour of the sky
but i recall the smell of the sun
i forgot the colour of the sea
but i recall the smell of the salt
perhaps i never saw the sky
it was but the ceiling
perhaps i never swam in the sea
but rather stayed in a swimming pool
my color -- how, 21:11:40 11/13/03 Thu
Is the sky the colour i think it is?
Or the sea what my little nephew will color it?
Or the water i drink when i needed it?
Or am I just color blind, its not the color that I see?
Teach me my color again. Please.
Is it the color that I used to know, used to see?
this familiar blue. -- sin, 18:54:25 11/13/03 Thu
.... .. ............
.......
... ........ . . ......
......... ... ...
... ..
.............
......... .... .........
..... .. ........ ...
. .
[phoenix fly by] -- natalya, 16:23:17 11/13/03 Thu
Home
I've never been so alone
I've never been so alive
Those
from a blind
to a blind
Perchance
I'm not the drunkard
I'm not the dreamer
I'm just alone
among drunkards
among dreamers
I'm just alive
among the anesthetized
among the desensitized
waiting -- jian, 23:41:01 11/05/03 Wed
i looked forward to the coming of spring
i wanted to bask in the meadows
dance in the wind
it took me a while to realise
that spring was polite
that she didnt mean to appear
yet i caught the rays of the sun
instead winter came forth
along with all of his gloom
my heart roamed
as i wanted to find out
why spring was accompanied by summer and autumn
while i was all alone
i want to know
why i was left out in the cold
i felt the coldness of the frost
i dont want to create reasons and excuses
even though i hear whispers in my ears
of a tale that the winter wind had foretold
frostbitten
i dont wish to know
the reason she let go
not to be -- mel, 20:42:57 11/05/03 Wed
a lid
fell across my eyes
total darkness befell
leaving me
searching...
searching for the light
which has eluded me
a new morn
was at my fingertips
waiting do be seen
and yet,
it was not to be
for darkness has fallen
and enveloped me.
i am not to run
i am not to fight
adaptation was the word
i was to learn
life became a chore
i wanted out.
but it was not to be
so here i stayed
waiting
for the end of days.
turn -- jian, 21:49:18 11/04/03 Tue
turn
turn
turn
it was always there
yet i went so far in search of it
i told myself to look no further
so i turned around
i tried too hard too see
but i looked too closely
blinded by my own darkness
i fail to realise i live in a box
so i turned
and turned
and turned
My morning call -- how, 10:05:11 11/04/03 Tue
She wakes me up
every morning with her warm hands
That slides gently across my cold face
Gradually waking me.
No words exchanged. Just stares. With a gentle smile.
Though I can't see the details of her face
Though I don't know her name
Though I can't see the contour of her hand
Though I don't know her name
Like a stranger who greets each other every morning
Probably the only family in an alien country.
She wakes me up
every morning with her warm hands
just my imagination -- jian, 21:42:46 10/31/03 Fri
i gave my heart knowing
that there would be no returns
even if there were
it is all but my imagination.
unravel -- jian, 20:44:57 10/30/03 Thu
for i own no one and
no one owns me
perhaps i dont believe in frivolous fun
but perhaps it is what people want
i dont believe in entertaining
for the sake of entertaining
nor do i believe that it
will make a difference
perhaps we will meet again
that will be a different story
let it unravel then
not now
i cant
give and take -- jian, 21:59:04 10/29/03 Wed
i gave the worry to him
the happiness to myself
i gave the insight to him
the folly to myself
i gave the blessings to him
the sadness to myself
i gave my wishes to him
the disappointments to myself
if i had one wift of sadness
let it grow apart
if i had one sense of madness
let it be a part
if i had one bit of happiness
let it be his luck
1027hrs 19102003
repentance -- mel, 18:18:15 10/26/03 Sun
there i stood,
throwing cautions to the winds.
shaking to the core,
repenting for my sins.
and yet i wondered,
who decided to judge me.
for all was naught,
but a part of me.
"listen", i said.
"life is not what it seems.
no one else judges,
but me."
song for selma -- jian, 10:20:22 10/26/03 Sun
someone is sleep walking on the subway
how mad can she be?
red shoes with red pants
glittering socks with purple seams
pink inlays covered over in grey
she sways like she is singing
she looks like she is staring
i wonder what tune is in her head
she lifts her lips in disgust at the world
she pouts at the judgement placed upon her
she grunts at the displeasure she gives others
slipping an occasional smile at the pleasure she gains
how should i -- jian, 10:30:11 10/25/03 Sat
how should i know when rain comes again
tell me why you're leaving me again
please dont go now and forever come back to me
- loveholic
cos you are breaking my heart
with each breath
i inhale memories of you
how can i go on knowing
that that brief instance
was but a neverending story
that will play in my heart
in my mind
how should i leave
knowing that you will be encased
in glass and concrete
that i will never see you again
how should i know when you
will back come again
how should i know when the
leaves will turn green again
please dont go now and forever come back to me
cool rush -- jian, 02:23:39 10/24/03 Fri
the wind blew
into this small cubicle
a wooden door
a solitary light bulb
with a multitude of visitors
pours of warm water
mixed in proportions
too warm
too cold
the water swirls
but now the water sprays
it is easy to mix
to obtain a proportion
requires a shift in a lever
it is not the same
it is different
for i have changed
A message to the unknown -- how, 12:11:33 10/20/03 Mon
If only we can converse
It should be in riddles
Riddles of a heartfelt story
That is full of mysteries
Mysteries of our past, present and maybe future
Stories of now and after, words that paint a picture
But it is if. Maybe. Uncertain. Unconceivable. Unstable.
Maybe even unreasonable.
Let’s just be.
poem to a king -- jian, 11:01:36 10/18/03 Sat
is it lonely or busy?
to have so many people protecting you
walled into a sanctuary
you wish for others to see you
yet you don't wish to be seen
you want protection
from divine intervention
do you believe in all the things around you?
you must
because you are king
wishing -- jian, 10:48:44 10/18/03 Sat
be careful for what you wish for
it will always come true
for your image has melted into my heart
and it lingers
even though i have an eraser
darkness is a gift
the light is a joy
living is a bark
calling out loud
water is but water
air is but air
freedom is around you
just dont stare
give it more care
numbness is but one sense
there are so many others
living side by side
we become like no other
I can only wish -- how, 00:58:31 10/18/03 Sat
I wish i could
dissolve
like a sugar cube in the coffee mug in the coffee place
at least there's some significance in my disappearing act
at least i can be gone with my lingering taste
I wish i could
switch off
like the dark switch in the classroom on the old dirty wall
at least there's some control in my thinking brain
at least i can be gone in the darkness span
I wish i could
jump away
like the dolphin in the water in the wide pacific ocean
at least there's some freedom in my moving way
at least i can be gone in the deep water pit
I wish i could
do it
to do what i've mentioned, what i've said
to gain some senses that i've lost
in a stark cold land.
losing -- jian, 19:58:53 10/17/03 Fri
i want to lose you today
you will drop somewhere someday
i don't want to know when you will leave
just leave when you wish to
perhaps i won't even know your way
Rant -- Sin, 22:19:38 10/15/03 Wed
I took two hours to finish my dinner
Because I knew even if I could you wouldn't love me sooner.
Wander -- Sin, 22:12:52 10/15/03 Wed
Harsh words
Stonic faces
Thrown over the table
In feeble exchanges
The rain outside falls relentlessly.
And all that I can imagine
Is the ghost of your breath
Like tendrils
Slowly flickering, unravelling
Me under
The depths of my skin.
one day in the corridor -- jian, 02:24:21 10/05/03 Sun
i smell the smoke that DongQ smoked
the aftertaste of one's relief
leaves a sense of bitterness
in my existance
unknowingly i inhale the thoughts and worry of another
a burden like no other
only the owner is able to tell
but then he is freed by his cloud of splendour
assumptions -- sin, 02:09:05 09/21/03 Sun
Raging proud declarations
Of my pretended indifference
Falls to nothingness
When I open this diary
Only to find
the fragments of my memory,
That is you.
still -- sin, 01:51:55 09/21/03 Sun
I wanted to shout out
To lash.
How you left
How you left me here
How I've managed to live without you
How I've forgotten
How I've found someone
How unworthy I finally knew you were.
But then I realised
Beneath all my struggles,
All my resistence against remembering
You're still here.
In between the lines
In the air
And in my essence.
I miss you still.
Now -- MCKY trey, 17:24:28 09/07/03 Sun
we drag our feets
towards another task deem important
by whom
since when
are tasks that keeps our sights narrow
and thoughts subdued
from the inner most need
from the more important
we stop our physical damp from breaking
and forget about the cistern of our soul
yet,
we keep going the way everyone goes
the wider broader road we follow
to where
and why
to who's porpoise we serve
and to what our time invest.
We walked to the end our body stop
and nothing we earn we'll bring with us
like rain drop on a massive pond
others before
and others follows
dissapear.
apologies -- sin, 01:58:25 08/12/03 Tue
Do you know that I still think about you?
Even though I know that it's too late.
Do you know that I'm still missing you?
Especially right now you're far away.
There's no need to for you to tell me that; "I'm sorry",
There's no need for you to tell me that; "I'm sorry",
I said I'm sorry
I said I'm sorry
I've got to find a way
To stop you falling into my mind
I've got to find a way
To keep myself from thinking
I've got to find a way
To stop you falling into my mind
I've got to find a way
To keep myself from thinking
Of you.
~plain sunset
coming to gripes with loneliness -- jian, 23:52:26 08/02/03 Sat
coming to gripes with loneliness
perhaps i never saw it that way
that reaching out meant i was lonely
that display of affection
seemed irritating to someone else
that i was desperate not to be lonely
that i had not come to gripes with being lonely
that it was wrong to share
with someone whom i thought had the same vision
it is indeed lonely
that one fails to see my love
but chose to see my loneliness
loneliness returned with loneliness
begets hopelessness
vision -- jian, 10:51:38 07/25/03 Fri
i like to see the world
ever so slightly slanted
everything looks better on its side
sometimes even better when out of sight
the reflection of motion is realistic
beauty in the unrealistic
perhaps a creation
of a search for perfection
empty attic -- jian, 10:46:12 07/25/03 Fri
an empty attic
that contains a blackboard
a streak of white chalk
that cannot be erased
a ray of hope that cannot be sustained
a box of coloured chalk
awaits a new rainbow
a wet cloth
awaiting to be dried
I never had a perfect gift until now - for WJ -- sin, 15:14:07 07/19/03 Sat
I looked in
a looking glass
Hoping to
find myself
But found
you, waiting.
~Anoynomous~
second glance over -- sin, 23:38:48 07/16/03 Wed
Because both of you
Walked with a slight gait
In my mind I used to think
It was your way
Of reaching out to me.
Your attempts
To bridge the distance
That spanned infinitely
Between your heart and mine.
And that with every hunch
Every careful placement of
Your eager ear beside my aching words
Came an invitation
Into a tunnel dug solely by you
For the liking of my pleasure
To embark on a journey
In the unravelling explorations
Of your depths.
this time -- sin, 23:01:50 07/16/03 Wed
I want for you
To kiss me
And salvage my thirst
With your undying hunger
Until I am swallowed
Whole like a forbidden fruit
Into your soft belly
Of my eternal residence.
Separation -- jian, 09:54:46 07/15/03 Tue
my heart was put at rest
when i realise i spoke
to the one on my mind
the one who left my heart
deep in sleep
my thoughts lay
unaware of a visitation
comfort in a conversation
i recalled not too long ago
an image i havent seen in a while
something i havent received in a while
no wonder i slept so well
at second glance -- jian, 15:03:05 07/13/03 Sun
because your names
start with an "e"
i may have mistook him
for someone else
because of similarities
i thought i found the same
and realised it was someone else
wait -- sin, 01:21:10 07/11/03 Fri
Seems like eternity
Before my eyes could lift
My weary soul to the heavens
In search of the slightest wind
That would blow you back to me.
math -- sin, 00:10:40 07/08/03 Tue
Slowly I begun to unlearn
Formulated numbers my mind incessantly churns
Permutations of burning possibilities
That you left,with a suitcase full of me.
would I meet you here too if I thought of you hard enough? -- sin, 01:08:01 07/07/03 Mon
If sight was denied to your eyes
Look beneath where your heart lies
Underneath the debris of shattered dreams
In between corridors of broken scenes
You'll find me.
Breathing, brooding, waiting
Soothing, cooing, singing
My tuneless songs to your swollen cavity
In attempts to fill that you have rendered empty
And salvage pieces from fate's twisted treachery.
catty again -- Jian, 01:01:41 07/05/03 Sat
same black cat
different reaction
a stare
a glare
wonder what is on it's mind
a rush
a gush
i wanted to grab, i wanted to run
far away
with the cat in my arm
but today it didnt want to follow
doubt vodka would make a difference
let me -- sin, 00:06:36 07/05/03 Sat
A tragedy
A sad joke
A glaring irony.
There are those just like me.
Shrouded beneath
A blinding flash of existence.
So easy to deceive
So wanting to believe
So ready to recieve
You
If you would
only fall
Away and into
the catching arms
Of mine.
catty -- Jian, 22:32:32 07/03/03 Thu
a black cat was curious about my vodka
it sat next to me
i nudged it twice
it looked at me
it got bored and left me for
greener pastures
but it looked up when i was leaving
think i've met my love
the clouds are beautiful because of you -- Jian, 22:29:07 07/03/03 Thu
two parallel lines fated to meet
travelling, wandering
they often miss because
one turns left
the other turns right
missed paths
creates pain
knowing each other's existance
brings pain
two hearts under the same sky
beating in one instance
faith makes fools of us
mere mortals who cannot comprehend
the sport we were born in
because the clouds are prettier than you ever will be -- sin, 01:26:42 07/03/03 Thu
He here is looking at she there.
While she there has her eyes on he there.
But he there
He will never never ever be looking back
At she.
pyramids -- sin, 01:18:17 07/03/03 Thu
He here is looking at she there.
While she there has her eyes on he there.
But he there
He will never never ever be looking back
At she.
answers -- sin, 02:23:02 07/02/03 Wed
What do you want?
Can't talk. It's hard with the wind blowing.
Is this a game?
If this is not beautiful I dont know what is.
Do you ever feel alone?
I'll built a sunrise for you tomorrow.
Then you wouldn't have to feel so alone.
alone on the steps -- jian, 22:30:42 06/29/03 Sun
i saw her there
standing all by herself
wondering, murmuring
under the light
she seemed sad
I wondered if her owner knew
that she was missing
that she was standing there
waiting to be found
tomorrow she will be found
unwanted
a piece of trash
sex on the bus -- jian, 00:42:34 06/29/03 Sun
i thought i heard a mother and daughter
talk about sex on the bus
Fuck this
Fuck that
i'll tell dad
it began to sound like bitter enemies
i wondered if they were mother and daughter
i realised that we never listen
not to the voice within
but to the voice that speaks
behind closed doors -- jian, 19:59:30 06/23/03 Mon
all is well
behind closed doors
i can think well
behind closed doors
to keep them shut
is to be serious
to keep them closed
i am still open
for the world is but
a step away
i dare you -- sin, 02:17:09 06/23/03 Mon
Tell me
your name
And I will bare you
Enough of me
For as much
As you dare to take.
Closed doors -- Yage, 01:05:26 06/23/03 Mon
Came in seek of refuge
it's a hostile world beyond.
But realised I am still out
Even when I thought I'm in.
Acceptance is not an issue.
It did not even exist
and it should not.
Am I really that different,
I asked.
Are You all really that distant,
I asked again.
An Interloper.
I heard.
Worst thing to come true.
I have failed as a friend
but scored perfect as an interloper.
A word I am not brave enough
to say in live.
I am sorry
And this shall be the last.
*grin* -- jian, 11:49:43 06/21/03 Sat
i feel happy
knowing the things i experienced
knowing the things i see
knowing that you are out there
knowing that I can be free
weird -- jian, 11:45:17 06/21/03 Sat
feels weird to read
all the disbelief I once believed
how strange it is that discontentment breeds
in a space that is so full of life
how strange that happiness breeds
in the many things we can live without
there are people beyond
content with a lacking
because they are seeing
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