Subject:  Howdy, strangers! |
Author:
Ken
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Date Posted: 18:33:20 09/01/02 Sun
Hello, all.
I apologize for being absent. As I told John, things have been weird lately.
I guess you could say I am depressed, although it doesn't usually feel like depression so much as simple irritability and lack of energy. It comes and goes.
Last month's computer and car problems turned into this month's ongoing computer and car problems, and I have spent a fortune on new appliances and repairs and such, but that is just backdrop for my generally crappy mood.
I have been interviewing for different positions at Verizon, as I have grown tired of my current job. Unfortunately, the economy is poor, so I am not getting anywhere, as the various departments are all jammed with people clinging to their jobs for dear life.
I don't see the economy getting any better any time soon, either. In fact, I believe strongly that it is going to get much worse. This is not simple pessimism, either, as I watch political and economic news very carefully. Everyone laughed at me when I pulled out of the stock market, but it tanked shortly thereafter.
I am sure Jeff and Curt would find this silly, but I get very frustrated with many government policies, and not just the ones that are irreparably damaging our economy. The beating of drums to invade Iraq again, for instance, fills me with revulsion. I am not a chest-thumping flag waver, but I am intensely patriotic. I love what this country stood for, the principles upon which it was founded, and it makes me sick to see this grand experiment ending in failure. We all take self-government for granted, but we are losing it, and our ignoramus fund-raiser-in-chief is not only not stopping it, he is spearheading the effort.
I am trying to write, but I am frustrated at the lack of time. I labor over everything I write, and the time I do spend seems like just odd moments at odd intervals.
In answer to the question, "am I satisfied with the level of participation on the board," the answer is "no." However, I think the level of participation is in keeping with the general acceptance by everyone that our unusual friendship is winding to a close.
I am extremely disappointed that we have not gotten together. September would have been ideal for me, but that opportunity is past, as the deadline for September vacation requests has passed. We can certainly meet some time in October, but I want and need a vacation as well, and Phoenix is not my idea of a vacation spot. November and December are not possible for me.
First, there were five of us, then four, then three, and now the opportunity is slipping away and we rarely even bring up the topic. This depresses me.
John has talked about his friends moving away and how it makes him feel alone. To be perfectly candid, I don't have any other friends I hold in esteem as high as I do you three. Lots of acquaintances, some I even call friends, but I have never connected with any other men the way I have with you.
I have always felt I had a particularly synchronous relationship with John, and as time has passed, I felt I came to know and respect Jeff much more. I was happy and relieved to feel that Curt and I had begun to patch things up after so many years of tension.
Now, John's Thailand trips seem to have trumped our reunion, Jeff seems primarily interested in getting his dick wet, and Curt is so busy with work and family that there's nothing left over. These are gross generalizations, but essentially accurate, I feel. I disagreed with Curt when he said we were growing apart, but he was right.
Anyway, I am disappointed and sad, and having more than my share of mundane aggravations, but nothing life-threatening. I am keeping very busy, and trying to appreciate and make the most of what I do have. And I am trying to keep that little robot John talks about from taking over my life.
One bright spot has been Laura, a co-worker of mine with whom I have grown very close. She is very sweet and kind-hearted, intelligent and funny, and she feels the same about me. Perhaps I will give you a detailed description of her genitalia one day, and tell you how I swooped down from on high, freeing her from her self-imposed isolation by convincing her to give me a blow job. But then again, no.
It was a big thrill to get my copy of Futures in the mail with my story published in it. I'm optimistic they will publish my other story, too.
Also, I have managed to build a detailed sketch of a character I call Neal Finnerty, a news reporter and all-around colorful character whom I intend to use as the chief protagonist in some short stories, and eventually, a novel (or two).
When I am not feeling creative, I play webmaster for my mom's new website. I just take her word processor docs and turn them into web pages with a simple template, and I have whipped up some graphics, too. Her monthly traffic went from 10 in April to just over 3,000 in August, and she now has 23 subscribers to her newsletter. She hasn't been this happy in a long time.
I don't know how much -- if any -- of this has made any sense, but this is pretty much where I'm at. I've got to write another Magnetron instalment now, so I won't bother with any editing here.
Well, I read back through it, and it's pretty rough all right, but that's essentially what I wanted to say.
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