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Date Posted: 14:57:11 05/26/05 Thu
Author: Reverend E. Dwayne Looper
Subject: You all need to come to Jesus
In reply to: Laura Gay 's message, "There I was, minding my own business ..." on 21:41:00 05/25/05 Wed

I too have been out in preaching in my giant tent that I pitch on dirt lots around America. It's called REVIVAL and Jesus won as you can see by the GOP control of Washington DC.

When I pitch my tent, my team throws some sawdust done on the dirt and sets up the chairs and pulpit so I can git to preaching the WORD OF G-D and lighting the fires of HOLY GHOST REVIVAL!!!

I have given altar calls countless times and have seen 1,000'000's of sinners walk that sawdust trail to glory and then vote Republican as is G-D's will. The fluoride in the water helps to control them as well.

These sinners kneel at the altar to abase themselves before G-D and then give tithes and offerings which I use in my ministry. I am still preaching the Gospel to aliens and have brought many of the Grays to Christ. However, the reptillian races do not like Christ, nor does he like them. That is why Jesus gave me a ray gun to use on the vipers when they attempt to menace me in the ways in which Tom DeLay might menace Liberals.

I have been gone and have come back only to see that none of you has found Christ Jesus as your Savior. Surely I thought that at least J. Croft would have realized that Jesus is not only the Savior, but that wants us all to own weapons whereby we mow down the heathen. Instead, Croft is still hunkered down for the coming Apocalypse which has already happened and he missed because none of the networks covered it as the Apocalypse. The Apocalypse happened in 2000 AD, involved only five people, and lasted less that three hours.
It was done and over with and no one saw it come or go as the Apocalypse.

It has been all over with for five years now. We are living in the post-end times. However, through weary bloodhsoot eyes, I will continue to minister -- largely in vain -- to sinnermen, alcoholics, and homosexuals as I have done lo' these many years.

Bow your heads with me in prayer:

" Father, I know that I have broken your laws and my sins have separated me from you. I am truly sorry, and now I want to turn away from my past sinful life toward you. Please forgive me, and help me avoid sinning again. I believe that your son, Jesus Christ died so that Republicans might have power in America and also for my sins, though of course my sins are not as important as a Republican majority. I invite you Jesus to become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward and I promise I will be a Republicam even as you and God and the Holy Ghost are all Republicans. Please send your Holy Spirit to help me obey You, and to do Your will for the rest of my life. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen. And I wil send Reverend Looper a love offering of at least $5,000 in US cash by Western Union."

If you decided to repent of your sins and receive Christ today, welcome to God's family. Now, as a way to grow closer to Him, the Bible tells us to follow up on our commitment.

* Get baptized as commanded by Christ.
* Tell people about your new faith in Christ.
* Spend time with God each day riding bicycles.
* Send Reverend Looper some money each week
* Seek fellowship with other Republicans.
* Sin often and be forgiven.
* Have a problem with internet pornography and
be forgiven.
* Commit adultery, get divorced, and be forgiven.
* Ignore the inconvient parts of the Bible.
* Start a fire for Jesus. Make sure no one sees you.

PS: The rumors that Laura Gay was seen tiptoeing out of my Bluebird Gospel Bus late last night were not true.

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