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Date Posted: 19:59:12 10/23/03 Thu
Author: Eric 2.0
Subject: Temptation is at every turn
In reply to: Saved-Man78 's message, "OPB: We Christians are not perfect; just forgiven." on 18:46:30 10/23/03 Thu

I just got back from my Thursday night Bible study. Unfortunately, brothers, what began as a night aimed at strengthening my relationship with God, ended up a night of sin and debauchery. It is my Christian duty now to share with the sanctified brethren how I began my evening smelling of Old Spice, but returned home defiled with the stench of sweat and sex.

Delores, ah, Delores. She's been attending this Bible study since 1986. Her tirades on homosexuals, communists, and Jews reverberate with the dulcet tones of Christ's love. After an hour and a half of some pretty hot 'n heavy Biblical exegesis, most of the group had left, and Delores and I were alone with closing duties, turning out the lights, locking up and such.

The church was quiet. So quiet the air conditioning unit was the only sound heard as it cycled on and off. I don't know if it was the dim lights, or her rose perfume...but there was something about her on this night. Her platinum blond tresses were suspended, wing like, across her temples. They were probably secured with aqua-net, but it could just as easily have been the hands of angels. The glitter in her blue eye shadow reflected the dim light of the Calvary room. She complained that it was hot, because we'd turned down the thermostat (which is regular closing procedure.) She removed her sweater-vest, so cute with its sequined farm animal motif. The tops of her alabaster breasts heaved against the fabric of her white cotton top, tempting me.

She told me she had not lain with a man for over 15 years. Confused, I asked about her husband, the choir director. He frequently visits gay bars to minister to and convert nubile young men. She responded that she and her husband were married in the eyes of Christ, and that sexual fulfillment was not part of a decent Christian marriage. She was so blessed, she said, that her husband had never really made such demands of her. But tonight, dear brothers, she could not face another night alone, and together we were soon on the floor in a sexual frenzy, a celebration of god's choice to make us his chosen people, white Americans.

Seven minutes later, I was back home, my primal needs satisfied. Wiping the blue eye shadow off my stomach, I began to think about the sin, and I wept. Why was Delores such a whore? Why did she tempt me so? I asked the Lord to forgive me. He did. Praise!

This Sunday, in church, I plan to make an announcement encouraging all godly men to avoid Delores and her wanton advances. I also plan to inform her husband when he returns from his trip to Bangkok.

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