OPB: We Christians are not perfect; just forgiven. -- <font size = "4">The Drunks Bar </font size "4">

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Date Posted: 18:46:30 10/23/03 Thu
Author: Saved-Man78
Subject: OPB: We Christians are not perfect; just forgiven.
In reply to: NRB 's message, "I have backslidden!" on 14:41:34 10/23/03 Thu

Today my foot strayed from the path of righteousness. Thank God I am forgiven! As is my morning habit. I began the day with a brisk jog. As I was jogging. I noticed the blinds in a home opened. Curious, I climbed the tree outside the window and saw a beautiful woman dressing. She was sexy as she slipped her bra and panties on. I started treebaiting and soon had spilt my seed on the mighty oak.

Then Satan seized me! I soon found myself in my classic 1967 Cadillac Eldorado cruising the bad part of town looking to score some Oxy. A hooker offered me a deal I couldn't refuse: Oxy and a blow job for $100. I said, "I'll take two at that price!" She got in and I poppped the pills and headed onto
I5 at 90mph.

As she dove onto my lap, she saw my big black KJV 1611. "What's this?" she asked.

"Nothing," I stammered as I threw the book out of the window. I felt just like Peter denying Christ. As it turns out, the Bible flew into the windshield of a big rig and that page was open to the verse that says witches are to be killed. The trucker, a gay man, had his " transgendered girlfriend" riding in the seat next to him. The TS was reading a book on Wicca. The trucker took the Bible verse to be a sign. He pulled out his .357 and killed his transgendered lover, which I guess is cool with God because she was a witch. Then the trucker killed himself. The truck careened across six lanes of traffic and caused an 82 car pileup that killed many people. I praise God, that even in my sin, he showed his love in sparing me while judging gay men and sinners in other cars.

The hooker did her work on me. After I was spent, I threw her out of my car in a bad part of town because I realized that she was a sinner. So that I could be a witness for Christ, I tossed a Chick tract at her as I sped away so that I would not be late for the pro-life rally.

Man! There were some hot Christian chicks at that rally! I wound up getting it on with one sister in the back of my Eldo. Even though her spike heels gouged the headliner in my Eldo, it was worth it. I can always get the headliner fixed, but how often do I get some primo Christian pussy?
Brother, I tell you, God is good. I am getting more tang being saved than I was when I was a sinner. Praise!

Taking a cue from my brother in Christ Scott, I went to a Bible bookstore and bought a bumper sticker. Yep, you guessed it: Christians aren't perfect; they're just forgiven. I got another bumper sticker that said, "Warning: In case of Rapture this vehicle will be unmanned." I also picked up a 12 pack of "King James Christian Condoms." They are ribbed and lubed. I figure I should use them when I boink Christian whores because I don't think that it's God will for my life to have STD's.

Anyway, I taped the bumper stickers to the inside of the back windows of my car. I just had the bumpers re-chromed and I don't want stickers fucking up the chrome. I think Jesus would understand. I mean, while you can always get saved, you can't always get a cherry '67 Eldo like I have.

Praise God!

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Replies:

Temptation is at every turn -- Eric 2.0, 19:59:12 10/23/03 Thu
- A word, Brother Eric.. -- Saved-Man78, 20:39:51 10/23/03 Thu
  - YOU ARE NOT CHRISTIANS YOU ARE BLASPHEMERS!!!!!!! -- Brother E. J. Looper, 12:38:34 10/24/03 Fri
    - You will notice that I am among the unsmitten, as is my dear brother, in Christ and in fact, Willard G. Tubbs. Glory! (NT) -- Miss Leticia Tubbs, 12:48:22 10/24/03 Fri
      - As well as me, Leticia. -- Mrs. Willard G. Tubbs, 15:28:21 10/24/03 Fri