Not doing so well myself -- The Front Porch

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Subject: Not doing so well myself

Author:
Dreemdanser

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Date Posted: 15:58:32 11/16/02 Sat
In reply to: SapphireMist 's message, "Not so good news..." on 07:36:15 11/16/02 Sat

Have been crying my eyes out in utter frustration.

My poor husband trying to say all the right things and feeling just as frustrated and helpless.

Some of it is the holidays approaching. I have been thinking I was fine with making thanksgiving dinner for everyone and just having a little turkey meat on my big same-ole-same-ole salad. But right now I am wondering if i will be OK or not. I made a really spectacular dinner for my son's birthday last night. This was after I baked him a giant chocolate chip cookie and didn't have a piece at all. The dinner was bacon wrapped chicken strips over egg noodles with peas...cheesecake (his favorite....and one of my previous real achilles heels)for his birthday cake. I grilled 3 chicken strips on my little george foreman grill and put them on my big ole salad....big glass of water...no cheesecake. I thought I was doing OK with depriving myself. Today i kinda came apart. I had a real attack of self pity...big time. I have been crying and crying about how hard this all is...how frustrating.....how i am so fed up with my slow progress. I said in my aingst, "maybe I should just semi-fast for a few days to a week and try to drop 5 or more lbs and then I could just be normal for a while after that!" Then my husband pointed out that my hair would probably fall out again if i did that which is most true since I have had a problem with that if I don't consume proper nutrition. That was it; I felt totally hopeless and proceded to ball my eyes out over being stuck with the slow-going progress and tedious monotony of sticking with this. I started wondering if is was worth it and why I was doing this at all.

Of course I do know why. I do know I have wasted too many years not enjoying life to its fullest by being encumbered with excess weight. I know I have put my health in jeapody. people younger than I have died of heart attacks, etc. I do know I want to be back to my healthy, slim self. It is just this process that feels like forever and is getting to me. If I am honest with myself...would I value it as much if i could wave a magick wand and suddenly be slim...or would I go back to unhealthy eating/non-excercising ways and let it all go to hell in a handbasket again?

I have tried to just do moderation...better choices, etc. At 46 they haven't worked. I don't lose wieght doing what other people can get away with. these diets that have one consuming 1400 calories.....I gain weight on them. At 1200 i hardly lose anything all month. So I am trying to walk the fine line between enough calories to not wreck my metabolisim further and still not drive myself crazy with impatience at the slow progress.

Keep doing the things you know are healthy. Run up and down the stairs a few times in a row. Don't beat yourself up with a whip to your back. You'll just head for the cookies. I have pondered from time to time getting into an excercise group, etc. I just have needed to do this alone. Today I have put off the excercise until here it is almost 7 PM. One thing I will not do is eat dinner unless I have excercised. So I will go splash water on my face and turn on the music. I will start moving...and before I know it the half hour will be past....then I will have my salad and some shrimp I bought yesterday. maybe tomorrow will be the day the scale will move (it hasn't in almost 2 weeks)...or maybe the next day...or the next. I know Thankgiving and Christmas are going to come either way....and next year too for that matter....

gotta go give my husband a hug....he is back with his chinese food he got for himself. Maybe chinese food kisses will be enough for now.

Please don't stop posting.
Dreemy

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
Re: Not doing so well myself	SapphireMist	14:07:44 11/17/02 Sun
Thanks for the encouragement -- Dreemy, 10:00:09 11/19/02 Tue