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Date Posted: 08:12:14 03/25/03 Tue
Author: Molloch
Author Host/IP: NoHost / 203.55.173.3
Subject: Alrighty then
In reply to: morgain 's message, "Review of the B/A selection: The College Years" on 10:46:52 03/24/03 Mon

First off let me say that this was quite long. But I really did enjoy it. There was certainly alot happening in the story. Which was good and bad. Good because it seemed to be well thought out and added many elements to the story but also bad because at one stage I was thinking how many other new characters were going to appear and how many new storylines would I have to contend with. Overall though I thought it worked well.
It had many recognizable elements in the story such as the Watcher's Council and the Initiative. It did stray from the canon we know but in a believable way. I actually liked the Initiative the way we know it and found this one a bit harder to believe, but with the background on what they did in the past it seemed to make up for the seemingly ineffectual nature of the government operation. The writer seemed to have very strong knowledge of the characters. The only things I would question would be Angel calling Buffy "beloved" alot. That just didn't ring true for me and also Buffy going to Giles after being attacked. Being the loner that she is I wouldn't have thought that Giles would be who she would go to. Plus we saw her so many times go in her bedroom window when her mum didn't know, that she could've easily done that. That said, everything else seemed to fit and everyone seemed to be the way I remembered them.
The story is original but retains enough to be familiar. But sometimes it did seem that the writer was going back on too familiar territory. It seemed like for some parts he may not have been able to think of something original. I was quite disappointed in the ending where Darla was brought back. While I remember this vividly it just didn't seem to fit his existing storyline. I am going to go back and read the rest of it to see how he handles the Darla storyline and see if that changes my mind.
There were some spelling mistakes like belief instead of believe and evr instead of every but overall this did not detract from the story.
It did seem to move along well but in some parts it clunked along a little and I was wondering when it might end.
Overall though I did like this and I am going to read the follow up to it. I am going to take marks off for the ending as this did give me a vague feeling of not liking the story but I would still recommend it to B/A ers.

87

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Replies:

[> Re: Review of the B/A selection: The College Years -- Kelso, 23:39:11 03/25/03 Tue (c66.190.39.48.fdl.wi.charter.com/66.190.39.48)

Two things about this story initially turned me off: the length (122 printed pages), and the title. "The College Years" just didn't do it for me. Then I read the story, and I really enjoyed it. It didn't feel like it was 122 pages.

First, the main plot was very original. Reading it, I felt like it could have been used as basis for an actual "Buffy" episode. It had that tone. The Huntsman idea made sense and I've never come anything very similar to it in any other story. I really liked how the plot fit in with canon (mentioning events from "I Will Remember You," "Hush," etc.) yet combined these elements with fresh ideas. I was never quite sure what would happen next, but when it did, it made sense.

Characterization was solid. I especially enjoyed the Riley portrayal, since he tends to get bashed in many B/A or B/S stories, and he was treated respectfully in this one. As for the others, they were in character and a line of dialogue only occasionally rang false. (For example, the bit where Xander said, "What would you have us do, Buffy?" It sounded more like wording Giles would use.) Overall, though, quite nicely done.

Problem areas:
-The consistent misspelling of "Mohra demon" as "Mhora."
-I wanted to deduct for Wesley's last name being spelled "Windham-Pryce" (the current canon version is "Wyndam-Pryce") but I found that the official site kept coming up with different spellings. Since they can't get it straight, what are fanfic authors supposed to do?
-The story was too choppy in a few places. For instance, all of a sudden Angel was human and the author recapped the events of "I Will Remember You" as explanation. Too much telling; not enough showing.
-The story really could have benefitted from more careful proofreading and editing. I noted an average of more than one error per page, which IMO is way too high, not to mention distracting.
A few examples from the roughly 200 mistakes I found:
She was right, he did need to heal. (Comma splice; story contained a fair number of these.)
Quentin Travers presence (punctuation error of missing apostrophe)
He resisted the urge to fiddle with hands. (missing word; "his" hands)
a big pot if ice cream (typo; "if" should be "of")

Rating: 92. I liked it a lot and would love to read more if the author goes on. Or has he already? I couldn't find a sequel. Anyway, this one was a very entertaining piece of fanfic.


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