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Date Posted: 10:02:58 10/23/02 Wed
Author: morgain
Author Host/IP: modemcable225.121-203-24.mtl.mc.videotron.ca / 24.203.121.225
Subject: General Review & Discussion: What She Deserves by Herself-B/S
In reply to: KatLurkin 's message, "General Review & Discussion: What She Deserves by Herself-B/S" on 17:03:02 10/21/02 Mon

I must say that I really enjoyed this story... well, perhaps “enjoyed” is not the right word, because I found the content disturbing. But I found that it was the most powerful way to explore the themes of self-loathing and self-contempt, penance and atonement, a first step towards forgiveness [of self and others], redemption, and reconciliation. This story tackled difficult subjects and issues, but does it in an admirable way.

Let’s face it... For many fans the attempted rape of Buffy was an action that Spike as a character could never come back from. Herself attempts to create a story that taps into what many Spike fans, Spuffy enthusiasts, and redemptionistas see within the character: the extreme horror that dawned on Spike that night in the bathroom and the shattering of his illusions that he would never hurt Buffy, the attempt to make a change so that he would never hurt her again, and that ultimately Spike does try to get it right, only to have things turn out so wrong.

The story draws on many innuendo that have been sprinkled in the back story of Spike, Dru, Angel, and Darla. Therefore it is no surprise to me that Spike could be essentially bisexual. It gives some interesting clues to his life with Dru through the ghosts that haunt him, and the depth of his evil. The fact that Spike uses sex and pain and terror [how he lived his unlife and the crime he committed against Buffy] against himself as his preferred method of punishment, I thought was inspired, as well as the fact that he has sworn off women as a way of doing penance. It was totally believable to me that Spike would allow himself to be raped; it made sense to me as a way of atoning within Spike’s unique code of “honour”, his way of dealing with the world. It may not be “right” morally, but Spike would often do things like that. I also liked the fact that the ramifications of the soul were overwhelming to him, and not a quick fix. I also liked Buffy’s notion that Spike’s liking of Dawn was somehow manipulated by the monks. I had not read that before.

I found their lovemaking scene at the end, a way of sexual healing, was touching, sensitive, and still not the panacea for everything. The aftermath of the scene, and the decision to go home separately, for me, was more realistic that the usual “great f*ck” as a solution to all of their problems. For me, generally the plot flowed logically; however, the device of getting Buffy to New York [a vacation and shopping spree] seemed farfetched to me.

But plot is not this story most powerful element. For me it was the characterizations. From their first meeting in the coffee shop when Spike assumes his usual bravado, shoving his sexual relationship in Buffy’s face in order to forestall any connection to Buffy until the end when they part ways temporarily, Spike was totally believable to me. Jack, also, was a believable character to me: a young man broken at too early an age because of life’s hardships. He relationship with Spike had an intriguing mixture of love, pain, and desperation to be loved and cared for. I felt sad reading about him, knowing there are many young men living on the streets of my city who are just like Jack.

Though other fans may not agree, I found the mind space that Buffy was interesting: though she broke off their sexual relationship in AYW, she still had a sense of “possessing” Spike as her tool, which in some ways is playing out this season. Her ambivalence about her liaison with Spike was clear: not too horny, not too disgusted. After their sexual games and the attempted rape, Buffy does begin to see her role in creating a confusing situation [I am NOT saying she is at fault for the attempted rape, but there were many mutual and confusing patterns of communication in their sexual relationship]. Buffy also addresses the broken promise of the St. Crispin’s Day speech in S5, an event many redemptionistas see as very important. Her attempt to help him also was believable for me [which is why I am finding some of her behaviour confusing this season]. Buffy has always been kind and considerate, and regardless of what you think her feelings are for Spike, there is a reason why she did not let Xander stake him after the attempted rape, and why she asked Clem when he would return to Sunnydale. Her want to help Spike heal emerged from these feelings.

However, I would agree with an reviewer above, that I would not see Buffy as engaging in a series of one-night stands. To make this believable, Herself should have provided a more concrete rationale for this happening.

Written in-between season 6 and 7, I found this to be a unique treatment of B/S after the attempted rape and Spike’s souling. Herself deals with the soul / chip issue the way many viewers had interpreted his behaviour: another example of Spike’s plans turning out wrong. Though this was never my view, Herself creates a plausible explanation. I also particularly like the dialogue. I could actually here the voices of the characters. And the description of the settings were well drawn. Even the disturbing sexual games / punishments, though distasteful in concept, were described in a powerful way. There was also some much need comic elements in such a dark and angsty story: the Mt Horeb Mustard Museum t-shirt, Buffy’s driving and the dent on the DeSoto [boy, I was glad to see that again!] and an appropriately quippy Buffy.

It was well written with few errors. And the narration is clear.

I would definitely recommend this fanfic, with the caveat that it contains m/m and disturbing BDSM themes.

I give the fic a rating of 93.

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Replies:

[> [> PS. I welcome discussion/debate on any of these points.... -- morgain, 10:34:58 10/23/02 Wed (modemcable225.121-203-24.mtl.mc.videotron.ca/24.203.121.225)

'cause that is what this is all about, eh?


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[> [> [> A big part of a show or a story for me is liking the . .. -- KatLurkin, 16:41:51 10/23/02 Wed (pcp02303222pcs.manass01.va.comcast.net/68.52.163.61)

character. Although I don't like everything Buffy and Spike do in the show, over all I like both of the character in the show. I can actually say that even after last season, though it was close last season LOL.

I do not like the characters in this story. I do agree, the story had a powerful message. But if in the attempt to relay the consequence of a soul and the AR guilt and despair, the author turns the characters into people I don't care about, they loss me.

I can recognize the writing quality of 'herself' and so forth, but I don't like her characters at all. I don't have a problem with Spike's possible bi-sexuality, but between acting all wussy and prostitution torture . . .ick


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[> [> [> [> I can appreciate that, Kat... -- morgain, 22:34:33 10/23/02 Wed (modemcable225.121-203-24.mtl.mc.videotron.ca/24.203.121.225)

I guess, for me, it was interesting to see the darkness of season 6 extended a bit, more logical playing out of the themes to me. And I think there are many parallels between how ME is portraying Spike in S7, and how Herself does [keeing it relatively PG]


I rather liked the dark themes of season 6, and I found interesting depths to the characters [you know mw and the loving of the Jungian shadows], but I know that a lot of fans disagree with me on that. So perhaps I would add another caveat that if you like S6 you might like this.

Thanks for the comment.


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[> [> Re: General Review & Discussion: What She Deserves by Herself-B/S -- Muttley, 19:16:45 10/23/02 Wed (inktomi1-swa.server.ntl.com/213.105.224.4)

Can't say I really enjoyed this story, not because of the pairing,more due to the S&M theme running through it - just not my thing. I also found it a trifle overlong , it took me two attempts to read it but then I do have a short little attention span.

On the plus side I did think it was a very well written story. The characterisation was believable and there were a few nice linguistic touches in there.

I'm going to have to go for 80 in appreciation of the way the story was told, rather than for the enjoyment of the story itself.


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[> [> [> Muttley, I usually dislike BDSM and -- morgain, 09:42:48 10/24/02 Thu (modemcable225.121-203-24.mtl.mc.videotron.ca/24.203.121.225)

and generally don't read it.

But for me the context and purpose of its use made it "understandable".


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