| Subject: To Fight the Good Fight part 6 |
Author:
Heather K
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Date Posted: 14:41:22 07/28/02 Sun
In reply to:
Heather K
's message, "To Fight the Good Fight part 1" on 14:03:03 07/28/02 Sun
1722 EDT
JAG Headquarters
It had only been one day since the Admiral received the call about Mac and since he had told Commander Rabb about her. He had also told the rest of the JAG staff about the condition of their Chief of Staff.
The bullpen was jumping, the tap of computer keys could be heard, the photocopiers were humming and loud conversations were taking place among the enlisted personnel- it was like any other normal day at JAG.
She stood quietly at the edge of the bullpen, near the glass doors just taking in the sounds that had seemed routine to her before, but that were now comforting. Her arm was in a sling, and her shoulder was heavily padded by bandages. No one had noticed her, and not wanting to disturb anyone, Mac slowly began to turn to leave the room. As she turned, and paled slightly from the rapid movement, she came face to face with Petty Officer Tiner.
"Ma'am! What are you doing here? The Admiral said you would be in the hospital."
Several heads had turned at Tiner's very loud announcement. Those who first heard then saw a pale, tired Mac began to pass on the information to the people who surrounded them. Quickly, the bullpen fell silent as everyone waited to hear what she had to say.
"Uh, I just got in from Andrews and decided to come straight here."
"That doesn't explain why you're here, Colonel, and not at Bethesda." Mac turned, and swayed from the rapid movement, when she heard the voice of her CO who had come out of this office to see what had so effectively silenced his staff.
"I've had enough of hospitals for now sir."
"You refused medical treatment, Colonel?"
"In a sense, yes. I'll be going in tomorrow for an examination, but I have no desire to stay the night. I'm well enough to rest at home. I just wanted to come and see... I'm going to get some files out of my office. I'll probably be cleared for duty by the end of the week, sir."
"Very well, but I know Marines and how they 'think' they heal, and I expect the doctors to clear you. Don't rush your return. Get some rest, and be sure you do go to Bethesda to get checked out tomorrow. I'll be checking to see if you did. Back to work, people- Tiner, you're with me." With that the bullpen jumped back into action and the Admiral, accompanied by his yeoman, went back to his office.
Mac slowly made her way across the room, stopping to receive congratulations from her colleagues on her way. Finally arriving to her office, she closed her door and sat behind her desk, resting her head in her free hand. After hours of travel, extensive blood loss, a gun shot wound to the shoulder- a decision to refuse pain killers- Mac was exhausted.
*Where was he?*
Mac sat like that for almost 45 minutes, before she began looking for the files that she would need to use at home. From her office, Mac could see that everyone had gone home for the day, and for the first time in 10 days, she was alone.
The sudden desire to sit down and cry overwhelmed her. She tried to stop the tears of pain, exhaustion, and frustration as they built up behind her eyes, and she was beginning to succeed, when her one weakness broke her.
"It's alright to cry." Came Harm's quiet whisper from her left side.
And with his statement, Mac began to silently cry, the tears tracking swiftly down her cheeks. Harm carefully hugged her and let her weep. Six minutes later Mac managed to pull herself together and was speaking brokenly to Harm.
"It was so loud. He was 24 and Dantings was 23. God, they were all just kids fighting kids."
"Mac, what you did had to be done. It was the impossible, and you did it. I know what it feels to lose someone you feel you should have protected, but you can't let that eat you. You saved Dantings and made sure the rest of your men made it.
"We are all so proud of you, me especially. When I got your letter I was so mad, at you, at the Admiral, at the Marine Corps, I was just plain pissed off. My world was upside down because I was the one that was supposed to go and you would always be here waiting. I know, that sounds terrible, but.. And then I got your second letter and the world tilted a little less. Come on, let's get you home."
Quietly they packed up Mac's files and went to Harm's office to get his briefcase and his cover, in addition to carrying Mac's papers. Knowing that she hadn't driven herself here, and that a taxi was her way home, Harm offered to drive her home. Not a word passed between the two of them as they drove down the road. Uncomfortable with the silence, Mac fiddled with the radio, stopping when she heard the song- 4am by Our Lady Peace. She turned up the volume just a little and listened. As they pulled into the lot of her building the song ended. Sighing, Mac carefully got out of Harm's car realising that she'd put herself out on a limb again by telling Harm, or trying to tell him, how she truly felt about him. She took the biggest leap of faith and he wouldn't even risk the step to the edge. That realisation almost destroyed her.
Mac began to walk slowly to the doors, the steps jarring her sore arm. No tears filled her eyes this time- neither tears of pain or emotional defeat- just a quiet understanding that she'd done all she could and it wasn't enough. It was never enough.
Harm swore softly to himself as he watched her cross the lot. Taking a deep breath, he lowered his window and said, "Hey, Mac. I love you too."
As she turned in surprise, he smiled at her and then drove away. It wasn't a Shakespearean sonnet. It was hardly a moonlit vow of forever. It was an awkward, stilted statement that only sounded musical to her ears coming from his heart. For the first time in a what seemed like a long time, Mac smiled a real smile and laughed out loud.
The End.
*Once again, the song used in this fanfic is 4am by Our Lady Peace, It was most definately not written by yours truly*
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