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Date Posted: 09:07:21 05/17/11 Tue
Author: Donna Ray '51
Subject: Re: Where is everyone?
In reply to:
Warren Byerly '56
's message, "Where is everyone?" on 18:38:36 04/01/11 Fri
My grandson sent me this:
A Texan was driving in the Israeli desert. He was feeling thirsty, and he noticed a tiny house in the distance, so he drove up and knocked on the door
The owner, a wrinkled old man, let him in and gave him a glass of water.
"Do you own this place?" asked the Texan, making polite conversation.
"Yes."
"Why do you live out here in the desert?"
"I raise chickens."
The Texan looked around him. "How big is this place, anyway?"
"Hmmm - it must be about twenty yards at the front. And at the back, it's maybe sixty! Well, fifty, at least."
The Texan grinned. "Back in the States," he said, "I own a ranch just outside Dallas. I get up at dawn, and I get in my car and drive. I keep driving, all day, right into the evening. And I still don't reach the boundary of my ranch."
"Oh dear," said the old man, "I once had a car like that."
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Re: Where is everyone? -- Donna Ray '51, 13:28:51 06/18/11 Sat
Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time.
Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.
One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.
"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here; but your being late so often is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."
"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear."
"Yes sir, I understand your concern and Ill try harder."
Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment, "It's odd though your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning so late and so often?"
The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled.
He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin, "They usually saluted and said, 'Good morning Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?'"
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Re: Where is everyone? -- Warren Byerly '56, 13:50:24 06/18/11 Sat
I like that one.
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Re: Where is everyone? -- Warren Byerly '56, 06:45:59 06/24/11 Fri
The third grade teacher was having all the kids draw a Christmas picture. Little Johnny handed his picture in with the obvious drawing of Mary, Joseph, the 3 Wisemen and the baby Jesus. But standing over the baby as a drawing of this big fat man and the teacher was puzzled and asked who that was. Little Johnny told her, "Why, that's Round John Virgin."
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Re: Where is everyone? -- Donna Ray '51, 07:17:11 06/28/11 Tue
This guy is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. There are two sheriff's deputies there. He asks if there is a problem. One of the deputies asks if he is married, and if so, can he see a picture of his wife. The guy says "sure" and shows him a picture of his wife. The sheriff says, "I'm sorry sir, but it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck." The guy says, " I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook. "
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Re: Where is everyone? -- Donna Ray '51, 11:06:50 07/14/11 Thu
Warren, I am not so sure about this one!; let's blame it on my niece who works for the government (at Ft. Harrison) where they don't have much to do!
The Naked Cowboy
A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking around like this?'
The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff....
I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt.... So I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants.... So I did.
Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts.... So I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town cowboy. '
'And here I am.'
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