Where is everyone? -- Arsenal Technical High School Alumni

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[> [> [> Re: Where is everyone? -- Randy Wilson, 06:37:23 04/05/11 Tue

If I win the joke contest I would rather have something off your grill. I hate booze.
rkw

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[> [> [> [> Re: Where is everyone? -- Marilyn Burcham Willis-59, 08:51:11 04/05/11 Tue

A Jewish businessman in Chicago sent his son to Israel for a year to absorb the culture.

When the son returned, he said, "Papa, I had a great time in Israel . By the way, I converted to Christianity."

"Oy vey," said the father. "What have I done?" He took his problem to his best friend, Ike.

"Ike," he said, "I sent my son to Israel , and he came home a Christian. What can I do?"

"Funny you should ask," said Ike. "I too, sent my son to Israel , and he also came home a Christian. Perhaps we should go see the rabbi."

So they did, and they explained their problem to the rabbi.

"Funny you should ask," said the rabbi. "I, too, sent my son to Israel , and he also came home a Christian. What is happening to our young people?"

And so they all prayed, telling the Lord about their sons.

As they finished their prayer, a voice came from the Heavens:

"Funny you should ask," said the Voice..

"I, too, sent my Son to Israel . . .."

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[> [> [> [> [> Re: Where is everyone? -- Randall K. (Randy) Wilson (1970), 09:57:49 04/05/11 Tue

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago:
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago."
"Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all eat it. "
"Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea."
The man lowered his head and said:

"Wedding cake."

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[> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Where is everyone? -- Warren Byerly '56, 20:03:55 04/05/11 Tue

You will have to come up with one better than that one. :)

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[> [> [> Re: Where is everyone? -- Warren Byerly '56, 06:45:59 06/24/11 Fri

The third grade teacher was having all the kids draw a Christmas picture. Little Johnny handed his picture in with the obvious drawing of Mary, Joseph, the 3 Wisemen and the baby Jesus. But standing over the baby as a drawing of this big fat man and the teacher was puzzled and asked who that was. Little Johnny told her, "Why, that's Round John Virgin."

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[> [> [> [> Re: Where is everyone? -- Donna Ray '51, 07:17:11 06/28/11 Tue

This guy is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. There are two sheriff's deputies there. He asks if there is a problem. One of the deputies asks if he is married, and if so, can he see a picture of his wife. The guy says "sure" and shows him a picture of his wife. The sheriff says, "I'm sorry sir, but it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck." The guy says, " I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook. "

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[> [> [> [> [> Re: Where is everyone? -- Donna Ray '51, 11:06:50 07/14/11 Thu

Warren, I am not so sure about this one!; let's blame it on my niece who works for the government (at Ft. Harrison) where they don't have much to do!

The Naked Cowboy

A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking around like this?'

The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff....

I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.

We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt.... So I did.

Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants.... So I did.

Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts.... So I did.

Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town cowboy. '

'And here I am.'

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[> [> [> Re: Where is everyone? -- Donna Ray '51, 11:33:56 07/14/11 Thu

I'm telling you, they have nothing else to do in Indiana but send me jokes!

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.

The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day.

Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous.

'You have no arms !'

'No matter,' said the man. 'Observe !'

And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.

The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.

But suddenly, as he rushed forward to strike the bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.

The stunned bishop rushed down two hundred and ninety five church steps, when he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moment before.

As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, 'Bishop, who was this man ?'.

'I don't know his name,' the bishop sadly replied,
'BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL'

WAIT ! WAIT ! There's more

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said, 'Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday.

I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty.'

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.

Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.

'What has happened ? Who is this man ?' the first monk asked breathlessly.

'I don't know his name,' sighed the distraught bishop, 'but...'

(. . . Wait for
it ...)

'HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER.'

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[> [> [> [> Re: Where is everyone? -- Warren Byerly '56, 18:42:09 07/15/11 Fri

Hey Donna I guess it is just you and I with the jokes. I had to laugh at the naked cowboy. Guess no one else knows any funny stuff.
Just came back from Chicago and on my way through Indy I cut off at the Rural Street exit and took Rural to 10th Street which is near where I grew up. Sure has changed since the 50's. Lots of boarded up buildings and houses. Went down Michigan and past Tech and looks like some building going on. Glad to see Tech surviving in these days of slash and burn. Went to Shirpiros (sp) for my favorite Corn Beef on Rye. Been a long time.

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[> [> [> [> [> Re: Where is everyone? -- Donna Ray '51, 08:10:09 07/18/11 Mon

Hi Warren,

Glad you like the "blond cowboy" - my niece sure did, she sent it to me. Thought some might object to it.

My husband, Clayton (class of 1951 with me) lived on 17th St just off Rural, so I know that area fairly well. I'm from Dorman St, off Michigan. Growing up I never knew how close we were to downtown; I didn't even know it existed - just me and two blocks was all there was, and of course the drugstore.

Hey, am I going to win the prize for these jokes? (don't even drink, boo hoo). I think everyone else is on Facebook or Twitter (is that the other one?) I don't have a computer, don't want one, and do my husband's typing here at public libary.

Where do you live?
We live in Virginia, Stafford County, out in the country, well sort of, at least our place is pretty secluded.

I have another joke but can't seem to send it. My niece sent it to me as a video, I told her that wouldn't do so she then sent it as an attachment but that seems difficult to copy. Will work on it; it's pretty good.

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[> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Where is everyone? -- Fred 64, 07:54:20 07/23/11 Sat

A Bus on a busy street struck a Catholic man.

He was lying near death on the sidewalk as a crowd gathered.

"A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasped.

Long seconds dragged on but no one stepped out of the crowd.

A policeman checked the crowd and finally yelled, "A PRIEST, PLEASE! Isn't there a priest in this crowd to give this man his
last rites?"

Finally, out of the crowd stepped a little old Jewish man in his 80s.

"Mr. Policeman," said the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Christian. But for 50 years now, I'm living behind the Catholic
Church on Second Avenue , and every night I'm overhearing their services. I can recall a lot of it, and maybe I can be of some comfort to this poor man."

The Policeman agreed, and cleared the crowd so the man could get through to where the injured man lay.

The old Jewish man knelt down, leaned over the man and said in a solemn voice:

B-5 .... I-19 ... N-38 ... G-54 .... O-72

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[> [> Re: Where is everyone? -- Glenn Holle, 07:16:02 08/02/11 Tue

A Steelers fan, a Colts fan, and a Patriots fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves their team the most. The Steelers fan insists that he is the most loyal. ''This is for Pittsburgh!'' he yells and jumps off the mountain. Not to be outdone, the Colts fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells "This is for Indiana!" and pushes the Patriots fan off the mountain.

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[> [> [> Re: Where is everyone? -- Warren Byerly 1956, 16:32:36 08/03/11 Wed

Hey keep the jokes coming. I know there are more out there. I was campground host at Tippecanoe River State Park the last 2 weeks and took a trip up to Dunes, where I will be the first 2 weeks in September, and the park, the Dunes and Lake Michigan is beautiful. I live in Southern Indiana and so enjoyed the cooler temps of Northern Indiana. Anyone else out there in Techite land have an RV and could come up to the Dunes in September?

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[> [> [> [> Re: Where is everyone? -- fred 64, 21:17:17 08/11/11 Thu

ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends
And is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.
CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.
INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN:
A grape with a sunburn.
SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor-saving devices of today.
YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.

And MY Personal Favorite!
WRINKLES:
Something other people have,
Similar to my character lines.

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[> [> [> [> [> Re: Where is everyone? -- Warren Byerly 1956, 14:05:01 08/12/11 Fri

Hey Fred, I like your definitions. May I add one more?
Seminar Speaker: Someone with little or nothing to say and takes forever to say it.

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[> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Where is everyone? -- Warren Byerly 1956 (happy), 21:48:04 08/17/11 Wed

Just about 5 more days to get your joke in for the big contest. The grand winner will be announced next Wednesday.

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Where is everyone? -- Donna Ray '51, 13:16:46 08/19/11 Fri

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency
open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital he was taken to. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.

"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.

He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"

He replied, "No money in the bank."

"Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.

He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Where is everyone? -- Donna Ray '51, 13:26:50 08/19/11 Fri

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.

The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day.

Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous.

'You have no arms !'

'No matter,' said the man. 'Observe !'

And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.

The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.

But suddenly, as he rushed forward to strike the bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.

The stunned bishop rushed down two hundred and ninety five church steps, when he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moment before.

As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,'Bishop, who was this man ?'.

'I don't know his name,' the bishop sadly replied,

'BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL'

WAIT ! WAIT ! There's more

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said, 'Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday.

I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty.

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.

Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.

'What has happened? Who is this man?' the first monk asked breathlessly.

'I don't know his name,' sighed the distraught bishop, 'but...'
(. . . Wait for it ...)

'HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER.'

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Where is everyone? -- Warren Byerly 1956, 17:20:14 08/19/11 Fri

I like those. How about my favorite Louis Grizzard joke?
This guy is riding on a train and he goes to the Club Car (not everyone will know what a train Club Car is) and he notices this beautiful lady having a drink by herself. He of course goes up to her and asks the usual, "What is a lady like you doing by herself.......bla, bla." She responds that she has a hobby of having sex on the train in every state in the the union and she lacks one state and that being Iowa. He couldn't believe what she was saying and he asks who does she pick, what kind of man. She says that cowboys are the best and then Jewish fellows. He says, "Really." And about that time she says, "Enough about me let's talk about you. What is your name?" Well, she just got that said and he looked out the window and saw a sign flash by which read "Entering the Great State of Iowa."
He quickly turned to her and said, "Hopalong Goldberg."

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Where is everyone? -- Glenn Holle, 11:25:30 08/20/11 Sat

Two little old ladies, Dorace & Jackie were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.

The short one, Jackie leaned over and said,
'Life is so boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $10.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid, boring flower show!'

'You're on!' said Dorace holding up a $10.00 note.

So Jackie slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show.

Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling.

Finally, the smiling Jackie came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering, clapping crowd.

'What happened?' asked her waiting friend.

'I won $1,000 as 1st prize for 'Best Dried Arrangement... !'

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Where is everyone GRAND WINNER? -- Warren Byerly '56, 17:25:47 08/25/11 Thu

I am proud to announce that the winner of the Where is Everyone joke contest is Donna Ray with the Naked Cowboy joke. As stated in the rules she is entitled to a drink of her choice at the Indiana Dunnes State Park campground any time from the 1st of September to the 15th. I will be at the campground host site. Congratulations!!!

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Where is everyone GRAND WINNER? -- Donna Ray, 07:02:55 08/26/11 Fri

I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

So many good jokes from all.

Now, how in the world am I going to get to Indiana for my "drink of choice"?

I really should try. My daughter and I were planning a trip to Indianapolis in October but she can't make it so I probably won't either, but I will think on it (for Sept.)

If I can't make it during 9-1 - 9-15, maybe you will give me a raincheck Warren?

Anyway, I'm surprised and very pleased. Loved this contest. Do more.

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Where is everyone GRAND WINNER? -- Warren Byerly '56, 14:59:05 08/26/11 Fri

I realize that the announcement of the winner of "Where is Everyone" joke contest is probably bigger news than Irene, but what can I say. The contest came first. Well, it turns out that the drink of choice can be obtained by mail if Donna Ray cannot make it to Indiana Dunes State Park in the alloted time frame. Just let me know.

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Where is everyone GRAND WINNER? -- Donna Ray '51, 13:55:29 08/29/11 Mon

Hey Warren, I don't think liquid travels well through the mails! I have two suggestions:

1. Choose a second-place winner.

2. Wait till I get to Indpls. and we will have lunch and "the drink" (and I am a simple drinker - water or soda). I would really like to meet you.

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Evelyn -- Donna Ray '51, 13:57:01 08/29/11 Mon

Evelyn, haven't seen you on board for a long time. Things OK? Let's hear from you. Miss you.

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Grand Prize Winner - Donna -- Warren Byerly 1956, 20:25:23 09/19/11 Mon

Sorry Donna could not make it to Indiana Dunes State Park. She will have to get her prize some other way. Just got back from the Dunes and the park is one of Indiana's best. If you haven't seen the Dunes it is a must to be placed on your "Bucket List".

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Grand Prize Winner - Donna -- Donna Ray '51, 08:32:30 09/20/11 Tue

Hey Warren, I'm sorry too that I couldn't make it at this time, but I hope to be in Indpls. in May, 2012,so maybe there's a chance we can "drink to that"!

I would love to see the Dunes State Park, perhaps....
I really have not seen any state parks to speak of. What exactly do you do for the state park people?

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Grand Prize Winner - Donna -- Warren Byerly 1956, 14:34:25 09/20/11 Tue

Hello to the Grand Winner. Well, a couple of things here, I don't work for the State Parks, I just volunteer as a host and I don't live in Indy. It turns out that I live in Newburgh which is near Evansville. We'll figure this thing out someway.