| Subject: Re: How to let go???? |
Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 12:20:14 01/10/07 Wed
In reply to:
Tammy
's message, "How to let go????" on 09:07:59 01/10/07 Wed
WOW! I am seeing my situation in yours.........if that makes sense.
Let go! How? Well this is what I did. I had to talk myself in to saying NO. First, if it's 1:30 in the morning and you are getting a paranoid call, think of why she might be paranoid. Meth makes you paranoid.
Ok and the school calling you. Is your daughter over 18? I think she is, so let them know very nicely that there are issues that are out of your control and you wish to not be contacted about your daughter missing her classes. Ask that she face her own consequences for missing just as every student has to. I am sure the lady that calls you will respect you for that as well. That will be letting go of that part. I sure do know how easy one phone call can drag you 10 feet down. Stop the phone calls. Remember you are in charge of your life, you make the choices.
AS for the middle of the week calls from your daughter, as hard as this is, just don't allow the calls. I don't know if she is clean or not, doesn't sound like it, but even if she is clean from meth this week, doesn't mean she is true recovery.
You know I spoke to Bernie yesterday, my ex's roomate, and he told me Spencer is doing good and seems to be coming back in to his clean self again, then he cut that off and said, But I don't trust that because it is too soon and we have been through this before. Trust your gut.
Tammy, why are the weekly visits allowed without drug testing her? A hair follicle test should be ordered. I say this because the older your grandaughter gets, the harder this is going to be on her if the visits are still allowed and she is using meth. Remember, meth users don't get better unless they are in recovery and not using, they just get worse, things get worse. My opinion, I would save my grand-daughter before it's too late. I have seen this happen to many people throughout my life and it seems the best way has been no contact.
Your daughter has alot of proving to do to herself, to you and to her daughter, but first she has to start with herself and she also doesn't seem to care about your feelings and what she has put you through, she is blaming you still by saying all you do is put her down. She is being selfish. Selfishness is part of addiction.
You really need to think about all of this, make a choice and stick to it. It will make it easier, trust me, I am finally getting there. No contact is greater than you can realize. Yes I still think about him, but I think this way, " He has and has had choices to make and he has not made the right choices, but I am." I matter to me. I don't matter to him and neither does my son matter to him.
Your daughter has made bad choices, continues to make bad choices, drama follows her, and you get entangled in the drama. And she is being enabled by the school and a little by you and the courts. She is just like Spencer. I see that. You need to see what you can do here.
Let me know if you have any questions for me. I will always be up front with how I feel about this situation and what it looks like from the outside. After all, I feel like an expert and I am sure by now you do too. WE can always help others.
Love ya,
Heather
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