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Free Spirit & New Spirit
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Date Posted: 12:57:13 08/07/06 Mon
In reply to:
Heather
's message, "Re: Heather" on 12:08:49 08/07/06 Mon
Now realize, for ME, this was the best solution I could come up with. This is not appropriate for everyone. But during our NUMEROUS separations, I came to realize, Laci isn’t the priority in his life (or his two other children) that he ‘claims’ that she is. I cant tell you how many times that he has said, he would fight me tooth and nail. It didn’t take long for me to realize that he was blowing smoke up my a$$. I filed the divorce papers, and waited. He got them—(even asked me to help him fill them out) b/c he cant read well. Good grief! Anyways, I asked for joint custody. My reasons:
I heard from several of my friends that I was off my rocker, and I should seek sole custody, especially with his drug related criminal record. But I realized I would be fighting a battle that I didn’t have to fight. He can barely function in life, much less try to take Laci full time or from me. And I know him. His idea of ‘visitation’ is getting her for less than 24hrs. b/c at her age, that means, poppie underwear, naps, feeding, constant watching… All of which he can handle only so much of. I was SCARED TO DEATH..that he would get with some skanky woman, and she would be watching her. OMG! That would be over my dead body. So I set forth the following provisions; only that either parent or immediate relative would drop off/pick up. Neither parent would have overnight visitors. Neither parent could take her out of Florida. Every other weekend and holiday. And child support of $50 per week. (not through the court) which is now in process (of revision) for that. Due to non-payment. Anyways, he NEVER EVEN BOTHERED showing up to our hearing. So basically everything I asked was awarded. Sometimes I wish I would have done one thing different. But it would have dragged out our divorce longer… That was: he never signed her birth certificate when she was born, and we weren’t married, so technically it only shows me. The judge never asked. A DNA test could have been preformed. To prove. But like I said, it would only be for him, and (his family) just so I could shove it in their face.
Back to my point though, when his weekend came up, he has his two other children at the same time. I used to call on Wedn. And say ‘are you getting Laci on Friday? “ it IS ALWAYS, I will let you know. And Friday rolls around and no call. And then Saturday, at 6pm its, well I will get Laci. We meet at the grocery store, and by 2-5pm on Sunday, he is calling for me to get her. In which we meet again. Or I come to his house. Talk about visitation. Her brother and sister are 16 and 12. Both have phones. They know that if anything happens, they are to call their mother (we get along great) or call me. And actually like this past month, he has gotten her one time (in a month) for less than 24hrs. Its so hard on her, she asks for her dad a lot. His drug tests are weekly b/c of his community control (house arrest) – if that is what you wanna call it. He is allowed to be gone 7 days a week from 6am – 8pm. Even on Sunday. He will be released after 2 yrs. In Oct. then I am sure the visits will be even LESS…
He even had the audacity last week to tell me (when he found out I was taking him back to court for the child support to be directed through the courts) that he would ‘sign off his rights’ ‘will that keep me from paying” and that he would explain to her when she was older what her ‘momma did’-- he is so stupid, he doesn’t realize how BAD that makes him look. He would actually sign away any right too her, if that meant he didn’t have to pay. How much of a worthless piece of s$$$ can you be?
There IS and WAS no point asking a judge to order drug tests. If they want a way around them, they will find it. I have even done a hair test on him (while we were still married and together) of course he FAILED bigger than s$$$... it showed 2 months of use… and you would laugh your butt off if you heard what he said. “it wasn’t his hair’ then, it was ‘everyone is out to get him’ on and on… still denying. Ha!
The courts ordered him to pay me $139.00 a week (one child)… which of course he NEVER WILL… I pay all medical, basically everything. Anything I ever get from his is considered a bonus. I am hoping that my current will adopt her. Now the only thing I feel for him is pity. And trust me, it didn’t happen overnight. I spent so much time alone, crying, replaying a loss in my mind, of ‘what happened to our life” -- but any days I spent alone, were better than spending with an addict. I would literally get sick sometimes heading home from work. Because I never knew if he was gonna be ‘sweet’ or flip a wig on me. You can love them from afar, but you really have to let go. It seems that you are still wrapped up in the time warp with him. You may not be together, you may not live together, but you are still living that insane life. Don’t delay your divorce. I remember sitting at the courthouse in the parking lot the day of the hearing, crying in my vehicle… it was raining, and all of our songs it seemed came on the radio, and the memories flooded my mind. To how did it come to this? … and the last memory came to me. My daughter. Who’s life can I affect? I cannot change him, but whatever I do has a lasting effect on my daughter. Will she be proud of me? Or will she hate me ‘for staying’? Will she think, why mom did you put up with that? Why did you stay? I didn’t want to wake up, and my precious be 5 and see things that no child should see. I dried my tears, and told myself, although *this* didn’t turn out the way I wanted, I know I did everything I could.
These days, its hard to wipe the smile off my face. Do I still need to lose 20lbs? yep, do I still bite my nails? Yep.. do I still get lonely? Yep… but do I have stomach cramps everyday? Nope … do I walk around on eggshells? Nope do I have to lay in bed and wonder if the person I love is laying in a ditch? Is dead? Has o’d? in a bar? Cheating? NOPE…. Heather, when you really let go, you are free. Free to be happy, free to love another, without feeling guilty, free to live…
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