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Free Spirit & New Spirit
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Date Posted: 15:46:36 08/08/06 Tue
In reply to:
Heather
's message, "Re: Shelley" on 12:31:46 08/08/06 Tue
I was reading yalls stuff, and you both seem to have it right on the head. But something i wanted to pass along. I hope you realize it NEVER really ends with them. Its only how you learn to Accept * Deal with the user in your life. For us, we have children with them, so short of death, life inprisonment, etc... they will be in your life and you in theirs. Not that they are EVER going to be the father's of the century. Ha! I look at my two-stepchildren. WOW they are great kids...but they have seen such horrible things b/c of their dad. He even gave his 14yr old a gun (at 2am) in the backyard (tweeking * drinking) and told him to just kill him. It was horrible. he has emotional scarred them for life with his actions over the years. But with that said, their mother tried to stop visits, OMG BECKY... they came unglued. They know of the drugs, drinking, they know it all. Yet they still want to go to their dads. They know what can happen. It is sad. One of my friends she is 38, and her dad was a horrible father, drinking, drugging most of her life. And she told me when he was dying, she had to go... I said to her, he treated you like a$$ most of your life, "why do you even care?" you know what she told me, "it doesnt matter, he is STILL MY DAD" i dont understand. even to this day. the ties that bind are strong. I look at Laci. I am so scared of the future. When she comes home from his house, she is filthy! I dont even think he bathes her i swear. He loses her clothes, lost one of her shoes. Sunburnt and mosquito bitten. drinking mountain dew arrrggghhhh But for DAYS..all she talks about is him. I clean her up, and instead of blessing him out (which doesnt work) I just send clothes that dont matter if they are ruined. send her ratiest shoes, sunscreen. You get the idea. Divorce doesnt end things. Regardless, WE are their parents. I dont have to throw him under the bus to her. In time, she will form her own opinions.
Shelly is right. My ex has SERIOUS issues, even before the drug aspect. The drugs just escalate the problems. And sad to say, is I decided, even without the drugs, I dont really LIKE who he is. We dont have many of the same moral issues. But instant love is blind and we moved quickly when we first got together, and although i saw some things in the beginning, i turned a blind eye. I just thought they were little 'quirks' --
I will always feel love towards him, he is my daughters father. I made her in true love. Anger will come and go...you will go through the whole range, and back and forth a few times... It is sucky that i am busting my hump, while he leads the good life. It does suck that i always have to be the responsible parent, the disciplinary, the doctor, the everything. But it is what it is.. .No use crying over spilled milk. You just get on with it and do the best you can.
more to come...
xoxo laci and me
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