| Subject: Just wanted you all to know..... |
Author:
Melinda
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 17:50:16 03/29/06 Wed
I am just amazed at how each time I come here to read and to share there is someone new going thru what seems to be an endless cycle of hell.......better known as METH.
When I read each of your posts, it is reliving my past, again and again and again. And yet still I feel compelled to try to find the right thing to say to each of you, and somehow there is never truly the right words, nor enough hours in the day.
I still cry over the things I have done in my days of using satans drug. I just didn't care. I ran through and wrecked every life that allowed me to do so. I conned anyone who would allow me to do so. And I did as much meth as often as I could because that was the only thing that made me think it was okay to do the things I was doing. I took beatings for the meth, allowed my children to be abused for the meth, and I went to jail for the meth. And i tore my own family to shreds for METH.
The shame starts to diminsh, when one is ready to look at ones self. And even then, without the right support, the shame is unbearable at best, and most addicts (myself included I failed numerous times) return to the drug because it is the only thing that comforts them. When you are on the outside looking in (when you don't use) you don't understand how strong that craving is. You can't understand the attraction, and the relationship to and with the drug. It is very very powerful, and most addicts don't have any self worth, to see that there is another way to live in this world. And this is why they continue to use. It is the guilt and shame cycle. The guilt comes after the addict gets high, and the shame comes in when they are coming down and they realize what they have done. And this cycles goes round and round until soemthing changes. ANd that change ALWAYS has to come from the addict.
It is hard to believe that it has been almost a year and a half since I found this web site. Some of you have been here longer that I have, some of you are here for the first time. But the message is always the same. How does one deal with the effects of this awful drug. My answers are usually found here, or in a meeting with my peers. I don't know that there is a definite answer for any of us. I just know that the support from those like me has brought me so far. So where ever each of you are, know this. I don't know anyone of you personally, but I feel like you are all part of this unfortunate family. The one who has been torn apart by Meth. I pray that one day an answer will come that will help each of us. That one day each one of us will know what it truly feels like to be free of Meth.
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
| |
Feedback: 
