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Drop in, be lazy, don't drink all the Coke, read a book







Subject: For your enjoyment: look out fire department!


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 21:48:26 09/12/04 Sun



Ain't he ummmm yeah I know his hair is uncombed.

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Subject: Psst!


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 19:09:18 09/30/04 Thu

WHISTLES AT TREVOR!

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Subject: Psst!


Author:
Kris
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 19:08:13 09/30/04 Thu

WHISTLES AT TREVOR!

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Subject: What I did on summer vacation


Author:
Trevor
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Date Posted: 08:39:38 09/13/04 Mon

The new house is what's been keeping me busy lately. They build them 5 feet from the property line but managed to screw that up on both sides!
But, first we need to spend a few months cleaning up the existing one. Making good progress organizing, actually, and have tossed about 6 big boxes of trash and about 10 big boxes of recycle paper/cardboard plus two minivans full to the dump (so far.) We are SUCH packrats and only recently unpacked a few of those "MISC" boxes we moved in with us 6 years ago. Oh, and I recycled about 14 old computers. We are going to make an attempt to NOT live like total white trash in the new place! Well, maybe just keep up a pretense of a notch above so we don't get nasty letters about mowing the law like we did a few years ago!

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Subject: Where is everybody? I haven't seen any new posts for awhile...


Author:
Gene
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Date Posted: 18:00:14 04/11/04 Sun

I don't post much, but I enjoy hearing from you all... I saw a drawing by "Torsten" on another site... is it our Tor?

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Subject: Well, I'm still posting even if you aren't! :-P


Author:
Trevor
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 20:52:00 02/10/04 Tue

The following series of photos was labelled something like "What would happen if fathers raised kids alone?" or something like that. Well, maybe yes or maybe no. Some are cute and some are disgusting, but here you go. Hmm - pretty big, better post in a reply.

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Subject: Pizza & Superbowl


Author:
Trevor
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 07:50:34 02/01/04 Sun

Ordering Pizza Today? Beware!

If pizza from your favorite pizzeria is on your Super Bowl party menu, beware: Super Bowl Sunday is the busiest pizza day of the year. More pizza will be sold today than on any other day the entire year. So place your order early and be prepared to wait.

As USA Today puts it, "Pizza has become to Super Bowl Sunday what eggs are to Easter. Or candy canes to Christmas."

Pizza may be fattening and not a staple of any nutritious diet known to man, but it's perfect for those days when we're too busy to cook or have too many people to feed. It's cheap, easy to serve, and perfect for large groups.

And that is precisely why the top 5 pizza sales days are Super Bowl Sunday, New Year's Eve, Halloween, the night before Thanksgiving, and New Year's Day.

"There are situations socially tied to food categories," Jennifer Aaker, a consumer psychologist and marketing professor at Stanford University, told USA Today. "Just as you might go on an airplane and order a tomato juice, you watch the Super Bowl and eat pizza." Or eat pizza while passing out candy to trick-or-treaters. Or eat pizza when you're too tired to cook after ringing in the New Year. Or eat pizza while you're getting ready to cook the Thanksgiving feast.

Fun facts to know and tell about pizza, according to FranchiseHelp and USA Today:

* 94 percent of Americans eat pizza regularly.

* 93 percent of Americans have eaten pizza in the last month.

* Pizza is America's fourth most-craved food, behind cheese, chocolate, and ice cream.

* Americans consume over 100 acres of pizza a DAY, about 350 slices per second. And that's on a regular day--not Super Bowl Sunday or Halloween!

* Pizza accounts for more than 10 percent of all food service sales.

* Approximately 3 billion pizzas are sold in the United States each year.

* On Super Bowl Sunday, pizza delivery drivers can expect $2 tips to sometimes soar as high as $20.

* Domino's delivery drivers will log about 4 million miles on Super Bowl Sunday.

* Delivery sales of pizza spike the most during close Super Bowl games.

* There are approximately 61,269 pizzerias in the United States. These pizzerias represent 17 percent of all restaurants.

How to eat pizza guilt-free, even if you're on the Atkins diet: Eat a slice or two--not the entire pie.

© 2004 Netscape

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Subject: Hellloooooo


Author:
Trevor
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Date Posted: 11:02:43 01/24/04 Sat

Lo lo lo lo. Anybody home ome ome. Hmm. Seems empty. Hope everyone is doing well and hangin' in there.

Kris - is your new story the first one you've written, or are there others?

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Subject: Proper Child Rearing


Author:
Trevor
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Date Posted: 21:18:32 12/18/03 Thu



Applying a little maternal wisdom, Mom took little Eddie out for a ride in the family car to talk about his behavior issues at home and at school.

On that ride, she bonded with Eddie in a special, yet subtle way.

Eddie, no longer "sasses" back at Mom or complains when he has his homework or chores to do around the house.

In fact, for the first time ever, Eddie has become an Honor Roll Student at his School and you, too, can see how to motivate your kids to do better at school and behave themselves all the time.

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Subject: A Shameless Plug


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 11:30:24 12/06/03 Sat

And no I am NOT talking about butt plugs!

In my rambling around the net I have run into a kid called Sol Corazon. He writes some absolutely awesome stuff! Of course its gayporn like DUH! This is me we are talking about here.

Some of his stuff is BDSM themed but most of it is just love and discovery and friends. I really, really like these stories. So here is the URL enjoy!



or if freakin Voy doesnt want to mind me: http://www.solcorazon.com/index.htm

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Subject: Blond jokes! Just for Trevor! Post 'em here!


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 11:37:24 12/06/03 Sat

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show
in a small town in Arkansas.
With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual "dumb blonde" jokes
when a blond woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting,
"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.
What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?
What does the color of person's hair have to do with her worth as a
human being?
It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at
work and from
reaching our full potential as a person in the community... because
you and your kind
continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but
women in general.
And all in the name of humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde yells,
"You stay out of this, mister.
I'm talking to that little bastard on your lap!"

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Subject: Arrrrroooooooooooooooooo


Author:
Trevor/TJ
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Date Posted: 21:45:09 11/17/03 Mon

Is the wolf hibernating? Maybe he's found someone - er - something to keep him busy? Fess up, T, and tell us what you've been guilty of lately!

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Subject: Trick or Treat


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 09:02:29 10/31/03 Fri

TOP TEN REASONS TRICK-OR-TREATING IS BETTER THAN HAVING SEX
10. You're guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9. Once you've done it, you don't have to wait an hour to do it again.

8. The uglier you look; the more likely you'll get some.

7. You don't have to make small talk with the person who gave you the candy.

6. The person giving it to you isn't fantasizing you're someone else.

5. If you get a stomachache, it won't last 9 months.

4. If you wear a mask, no one thinks you're kinky.

3. Doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.

2. You don't have to call the person that gave it to you next week.

The #1 reason trick-or-treating is better than having sex...


1. IF YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR!!!

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Subject: Back from the dead (again)! Just stopped by to say Hello! Waves at everyone!


Author:
Agatha
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Date Posted: 04:55:20 10/14/03 Tue


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Subject: I am no longer a virgin....


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 11:54:44 10/02/03 Thu


I won my first ebay auction yesterday morning!

It isn't as if the competition was tough. I won books 1-5 of Footrot Flats, a comic from New Zealand. *waits while everyone scurries off to ask Eddie Bester* So any way, they are being shipped up here from Australia!
*does the Snoopy dance* I can't wait!

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Subject: A Canadian Skulks By


Author:
Scott
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Date Posted: 22:52:09 09/20/03 Sat

Hello!

Kris, whom I met on another messageboard of high repute, pointed me here, and I thought I'd drop in and say Hi!

Scott from Toronto

Now I'm not going to get *any* work done. Or sleep. Or whatever.

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Subject: I have been neglecting you all..


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 18:27:35 09/16/03 Tue

*brushes the dust offa Wolfie*

So I found this quote from the Talmud today. I rather liked it.

"Love of humanity is more than charity. The value of charity lies only in love, which lives in it. Love surpasses charity in three respects: Charity touches only a man's money; Love touches the man himself. Charity is only for the poor; Love is for both poor and rich. Charity is only for the living; Love is for both living and dead. Love without reproof of error is no love.He who judges his neighbor leniently will be judged leniently by God. Let man always be intelligent and affable in his God-fearing. Let him answer softly, curb his wrath and let him live in peace with his brethren and his kin and with every man, yes, even with the pagan on the street, in order that he be beloved in heaven and on earth, and be acceptable to all men."

I liked the sentiment.. so thought I'd share it wich y'all!

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Subject: Testing 1, 2, 3 - Is this thing ON?


Author:
Trevor/TJ
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Date Posted: 22:15:32 09/15/03 Mon

Just a howdy so youse knows I'm alive and thinking about my bookly buds and budette here. Been awful buzy lately - sorry!

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Subject: I liked his movies ...


Author:
Wolfie
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Date Posted: 20:41:43 08/31/03 Sun

R.I.P. Charles Bronson

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Subject: Since we're posting work-related lists ...


Author:
Wolfie
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Date Posted: 08:13:54 08/25/03 Mon

Top Ten Reasons To Go To Work Naked...

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

3. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

5. You want to see if it's like the dream.

6. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.

7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

10. No one steals your chair.

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Subject: And one from my email...


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 09:14:46 08/21/03 Thu

Dear Employees,

It has been brought to management's attention that some
individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers.
Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

1. TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

2. TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.

3. TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me!

4. TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.

5. TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.

6. TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?

7. TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This shit won't work.

8. TRY SAYING:I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner?

9. TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.

10. TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die.

11. TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.

12. TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I'm on salary.

13. TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.

14. TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

15. TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?

16. TRY SAYING: I see.
INSTEAD OF: Blow me.

17. TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a prick.

8. TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a ball-busting bitch.

19. TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.

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Subject: Bosses Responses on Job Evals


Author:
Trevor
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Date Posted: 20:16:01 08/20/03 Wed

Seems it's hard for some to be as perfect as we are!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. I would not allow this employee to breed

2. This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more definitely a won't be

3. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap

4. When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change which ever foot was previously there

5. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle

6. This lady has delusions of adequacy

7. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them

8. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot

9. This employee should go far and the sooner he starts, the better

10. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer

11. Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't watching

12. A room temperature IQ

13. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it together

14. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary
ignoramus

15. A photographic memory but with the lens cap glued on

16. A prime candidate for natural deselection

17. Bright as Alaska in December

18. One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests

19. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it

20. Fell out of the family tree

21. Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming

22. Has two brains: one is lost; the other is out looking
for it

23. He's so dense, lights bend round him

24. If brains were taxed, she'd get a refund

25. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered
twice a week

26. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'll
get change

27. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean

28. It's hard to believe he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg

29. One neuron short of a synapse

30. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only
gargled

31. Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes

32. Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead

33. Since my last report, this employee has reached
rock bottom and has started to dig

34. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of
morbid curiosity

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Subject: Here's the proof


Author:
Wolfie
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Date Posted: 22:43:52 08/16/03 Sat





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Subject: Animal Babies teach you the alphabet :)


Author:
Wolfie
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Date Posted: 07:58:06 08/17/03 Sun


http://www.jokesgallery.com/retardedanimals.swf


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Subject: And now one for the ladies..


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 21:44:38 08/10/03 Sun

You boys go talk among yourselves.

Mrs T: Now for the third time I have restrung this ankle chain. I am trying out diffeent "strings". I used nylon wrapped elastic out of Mom's sewing kit. It broke in record time. I bought fine wire just before we went to Washington this last time. It lasted okay. The first one broke and the second one unwound a tad and had a sharp point poking me in the ankle continuously. This time I am trying "beeswax": its actually waxed cord that I bought in a leather craft shop. Its sticky, icky in this heat but hopefully it will work. I had fun melting the ends without burning my fingers. So we will see... so far my best success has been a thin piece of ribbon. Ribbon is surprisingly strong.

Beads! OH MY SWEET FREAKIN HECK! That store in Pike's Market was strictly AMATEUR baby compared to our craft store here in town! I went in to buy to tiny clasps at 35 cents a piece.. came out 7 dollars poorer and several bags of glass beads richer. Just go and buy a couple colors and sizes, grab bag types are fun that way and fairly cheap, then pour them into a bowl and start picking out the ones you like best. Arrange and rearrange them and before you know it you've got it! YAY!

Make sure you get a pair of good needle nose pliers ( mine are misplaced) and I have found a pair of very pointy tipped tweezers to be invaluable as well.

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Subject: Dagnabbit MITCHELL!


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 13:33:44 08/10/03 Sun

I knew I'd think of a comeback AFTER I hung up the phone!
I may be white trash for wearing wolf t-shirts but at least I don't have PLASTIC animals in my yard!
BWAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAA!!!

All my animals are gennywine!

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Subject: ME HOME!


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 08:04:02 08/05/03 Tue

That was a total blast.
Spent another $125 bucks at Powell's Books in Portland. Bought Siah some REALLY good books on .................................................... dinosaurs, of course!

Salt Lake airport has got to be the most LOW stress airport on this planet. We just strolled through it.. Portland on the other hand really needs a prozac! Although to be fair to them I did forget to get my cell out of my pocket. This was after I wrestled Siah to the ground to make him give up his gameboy for a minute, then got two loaded back packs off, the two pillows I was carrying, my keys.....But PDX at night is beautiful.

So good to be back in my OWN bed! mmmmmmmmmmm

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Subject: Well I leave again Friday for my last trip this year to the Pacific Northwest.


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 21:27:08 07/29/03 Tue

I will be attending a get together for another board I hang around on. Its the Straight Dope Message Board SDMB

I am very much looking forward to it! And very nervous as well. Hopefully, I won't clam up totally. Or just run off at the mouth uncontrollably.

Wolfie you be good while I am gone. You AND Trev can stay out of trouble for ONE weekend.

Trev, tell the missus I made me another ankle chain today.. just buy beads, wire, a pair of needle nose pliers.. its easy. If it isn't right take it apart and do it again : )

This will be Siah's first time in a plane. And my first in over 10 yrs.. I am totally wierded out by the shoe search.. I should put money in there.. SO THATS WHERE I LEFT IT!

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Subject: Good Morning.. just your sunburnt Mama Sea Dragon checking in..


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 08:35:09 07/23/03 Wed

Just making sure you kiddies are playing nice.

Gonna crawl off now to a cold bath and nice book...

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Subject: Okay here he is...


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 07:39:33 07/21/03 Mon

Tho why should I bother? You all got them in the email!






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Subject: Okey dokey.. I am home now


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 08:29:30 07/08/03 Tue

Its nice to be back among my stuff but HOLY HELL this place needs cleaning. THAT'S why I went on vacation in the first place! We are such pack rats! I need to take a shovel to this place not a broom! hhahahahaha

Oh well, we had a great time. Well Siah and I did.. Bri I have no clue about.. all I am gonna say is next year he rides in the back and Siah can sit up front with me.

Trev...I dont know why but I got seriously tongue tied on Sunday. It was like my brain completely went out to lunch! Maybe being lost on the wrong side of Seattle had something to do with it... Your boys are adorable! And as cute as they get! I also enjoyed meeting the missus. Tell her I said hi.

I must be home.. my head hurts and my nose is running....

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Subject: We want pics! If the little cutie has wings, does that make him an angel? ::snickers::


Author:
Trevor/TJ
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Date Posted: 21:45:36 07/13/03 Sun


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Subject: Oh where oh where has our dragon Kris gone? Oh where oh where can she be? 6 days is too long and she's nowhere in sight, oh where oh where can you be??


Author:
Trevor/TJ
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Date Posted: 20:43:04 07/16/03 Wed

Well, hope you are doing well whereever you are!

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Subject: Public service announcement


Author:
Krs
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Date Posted: 06:29:33 06/29/03 Sun

GONE ON VACATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Subject: Now I know why so many people think that I'm an a**hole


Author:
Wolfie
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Date Posted: 19:56:35 07/08/03 Tue

bla bla ... Then we have Paul Wolfowitz — or Wolfie, as George Bush likes to call him — blowing the whistle on America’s motives for the invasion of Iraq. Asked at a Singapore conference why the (real) threat of North Korean nuclear weapons was being treated differently from Iraq’s (less real) threat, Wolfie was reported in ‘Die Welt’ to have given a truly revealing reply. “Let’s look at it simply. The most important difference between North Korea and Iraq is that economically, we just had no choice in Iraq. The country swims on a sea of oil.” ... bla bla

Dang, this guy gives me a bad name!

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Subject: Welcome back, sweetie!


Author:
Trevor/TJ
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Date Posted: 20:40:50 07/07/03 Mon

Okay, so I may be a little premature, maybe you want to unpack your bags or sleep or get the mail or something before you come here. Nah.

Sorry, T, just didn't want to "touch" that thread down there. But it reminds me, one of my boys actually asked how dinosaurs could mate "with such big feet." Don't know exactly why that would be a problem, but we got to talking about doggie-style. Damn, I DID touch that thread! I think the sloth bear is the only non-human that does missionary, if I recall. Well, I'm sure you edumacated folks would know more about that than I!

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Subject: Funny thing happened to me on the last full moon


Author:
Wolfie
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Date Posted: 16:47:25 07/06/03 Sun

I'll put it in the reply!

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Subject: I can't believe I just received this in the mail, FedEx, actually


Author:
Trevor/TJ
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 20:40:25 07/03/03 Thu

Hmm, let's see how bad my HTML skills are. Will this work:



Honest to God, it was on a box shipped directly from the e-Microsoft company store (for employees only to buy software cheap) and is obviously torn out of the corner of the packing list. I cut it off the box and scanned it - you can see a bit of the cardboard and the wrinkles in the tape they put it on with. I don't think some smartass shipping clerk put this there - it looks like genuinely part of the sales order. My friend who works at MS bought some goodies for me and had them shipped directly to my house. Guess he had my best interests in mind, but alas, only software was inside.

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Subject: Hey Kris!


Author:
Wolfie
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Date Posted: 19:01:41 07/05/03 Sat

Tell the hubby Happy Birthday from me!

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Subject: Idiots


Author:
Trevor/TJ
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 21:46:33 06/30/03 Mon

I'm sure we've all met many of these folks.

IDIOTS IN SERVICE: This week, our phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, "Would you like us to call you before we
come?" I replied that I didn't see how he would be able to do that since our phones weren't working. He also requested that we report future outages by email. Does YOUR email work without a telephone line? (Okay so this predates everyone having a cell phone and broadband.)

IDIOTS AT WORK: I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was
necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: too many
deer were being hit by cars and she didn't want them to cross there anymore.

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. (Personal note - I hate pickles on my burgers but am too lazy to order them without and usually pick them off. My son loves them and always orders "extra pickles." Invariably, I get 3 and he gets 2. Mrs. orders hers with "extra extra" tomato and lettuce, very explicitly. She gets two of each on a sandwich that normally comes with one of each.)

IDIOT SIGHTING #1 I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" She smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we
ask."

IDIOT SIGHTING #2 The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with a coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are
blind people doing driving?"

IDIOT SIGHTING #3 At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "this is fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

IDIOT SIGHTING #4 I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

IDIOT SIGHTING #5 When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the
passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I know -- I already got that side."

I guess I shouldn't say too much, though - I plugged my PC into my test network the other night to do some work, knowing full well the Mrs. was busily working on a client file. My PC is the file server and I'm a network enjimineer. 8-(

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Subject: For us older folks


Author:
lokisdad
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Date Posted: 14:36:13 06/28/03 Sat

Bloom County is back! Well, they're reposting them anyways. Bloom County


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Subject: *grumbles*


Author:
Wolfie
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Date Posted: 15:50:31 06/22/03 Sun

[rant]

There's obviously some anniversary celebration going on over at the Shack.
Now it should be common knowledge in the meantime that the people in charge of that board don't want me there. That's why they blocked me.
But there are still some people sending me mails, telling me to come over and say something nice and post my congrats.
Are they trying to mock me or what?

[/rant]

Sorry for rambling!

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Subject: One foot out the door


Author:
Trevor/TJ
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Date Posted: 23:15:09 06/18/03 Wed

This week, during our daily midday walks a work, I've been telling my friend (best friend since 16 yo, but less close since we've both been married) the things he didn't know about me.

So, I'm kinda skirting around the issue a bit and giving him some background and he says, "So, you're thinking about coming out?" Almost out of the blue.

So we talk some more and the next day he admits he's sort of always suspected and he remembers things from our teen years that are a bit relevant but I'd totally forgotten, little comments on a double date, I convinced him to go to a costume party as a transvestite - stuff like that.

So today I asked if his wife, who is a wonderful and interesting lady - I think she wrote a hermo-erotic book along the way, too, if she is at all freaked out. "No, she pretty much has suspected, too." So of course, I yell at him, "Why the hell didn't you tell me I'm gay! I'm always the last to know everything!"

I don't know why - kinda weird, I think. Sounds like he's had a few guys try to kiss him, and someone else insisted, based on a few comments and photos of him and I, that HE's gay. Apparently he has been slightly attracted to a couple guys in his life, but I think he is just more honest with himself than most people. I don't get it, other than being quite and passive, I really don't fit any of the stereotypes. Probably a good think I don't find him at ALL attractive and only tried to snuggle him on a few sleepover, in a platonic sort of way.

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Subject: I thought this was funny.. and Mike said I could repost it here.


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 09:38:56 06/19/03 Thu

For those of you who have dogs, or don't ever want to ... This is hysterical!

We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summerof 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old child whom you know nothing about and committing to doing your best to
be a good parent.

Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me. Lest you think this is a bad case of no discipline, I should tell you that Richie and I tried every means to break him of this habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The new door cost over $200. LOL

Last fall we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project was downright obnoxious, it was years overdue AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family and a lot of drunk friends that I like more than family most of the time. I was however assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend. I am still cursing that electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole house that worked, wouldn't you know!

I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wednesday evening to reheat on Thursday morning. Since the kitchen was freshly painted you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams latex paint #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living
room to rise for 5 hours. After 3 hours, Richie and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour.

An hour later the rolls were ready to go in the oven. It was 8 :30 pm. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me! He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated. I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would be OK, however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night. God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than I do. Suffice to say that by the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.

Naively thinking the dog would be all better by morning was very stupid on my part. We got up at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dog outside to go potty. Well, the darn dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and most of the time when he was walking his front half was going one direction and the other half was either dragging the floor or headed 90 degrees in another direction. He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our back yard he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence! His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. So I called the vet had to endure another round of laughter (it was my second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that Jasper was indeed drunk.

He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol.

We were afraid to leave him by himself in the house, so Ritchie and I loaded him up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day. My sister lives outside of town on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Ritchie and I, we set off for Thanksgiving Dinner #1.

Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me when I say that after eating a a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP.

These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. LOL. But that's not the worst of it. Now he was beginning to toot and they smelled like baked rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the entire trip to Karee's, thankful she didn't live any further away than she did.

Once Jasper was firmly placed in her garage with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long! and everyone made trips to the garage to witness our drunk dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without running into something.

Of course, as the old adage goes, "what goes in must come out" and Jasper was no exception. Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, I would be miserable too, but a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a
mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karee's house. Having discovered his "presents" on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor.

This was another naive decision on our part!

The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure. We finally got it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn't degrading enough, the darndog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too.

Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner. I am happy to report that by Monday the dog was back to normal both in size and temperament. We gave him a bath and he was no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also happy to report that later that week I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door. It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea.

LOL

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Subject: As if my life needed to get any wierder...


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 21:25:48 06/16/03 Mon

My poor ShihTzu is going blind. She is about 11 now. Anyway, its terribly funny to deal with in a sorta wierd, twisted way. She goes outside and gets LOST in the front yard.. heck its only 40 x 20 feet. Scared me to death one night she was out in the street hunting for the door! Usually she finds the porch all right its finding the door that gives her trouble. And because she can't see you you can't call to her.. she doesnt see far enough to know you are three feet left of her. So out we go and pick her up and aim her at the door and in she toddles.

Couple nights ago she was have hysterics in the bedroom. I was around the corner at the computer in the dining room. Apparently there were cats lying in the hallway... now whether she thought they were blocking her or she just couldn't SEE what the hell was in her way is moot. I had to mave the cats so she could walk into the hall.

She has taken to sleeping in the dining room. Brian says cause its cooler there. I think its cause she gets lost and cant find the door to the hall...

Speaking of the hall again. Tonight while I was yakkin with MiTcHeY she started whining in the bedroom. I had to go turn on the light in the hallway so she could find the door to go into the bathroom and get a drink..

Poor thing... wonder if I should get her a seeing eye dog!

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Subject: I might as well be ignored on my own board as well...


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 14:02:11 06/12/03 Thu

From Planetout.com:

Within hours of the Ontario Court of Appeals ruling that legalized same-sex marriages in the Canadian province, plaintiffs Michael Leshner and Michael Stark were married in a civil ceremony in front of a group of about fifty friends. Many other gay and lesbian couples, including Americans, are expected to follow suit, as provincial leaders confirmed Wednesday that they will follow the court's orders. "I'm charged to follow the laws and will follow the laws with regards to this matter," Ontario Attorney General Norm Sterling told Canada.com.

In Canada's capital, Federal Justice Minister Martin Cauchon said the government knows it must find a prompt "national solution" to the question of same-sex marriages. Courts in Quebec and British Columbia have ruled that same-sex marriages must be legal. But unlike the Ontario Court, the ruling judges in the other cases gave the government a deadline of July, 2004, to take action. Yesterday's ruling, which took effect at once, made next year's deadline irrelevant, as couples from throughout the country may now marry in Ontario.

Syndicated news reporter Rex Wockner spoke Wednesday with the Toronto city clerk's office, which confirmed that couples who marry in Ontario are not required to be a resident of the country, meaning that American couples may go to Canada to marry.

Couples must first apply for a license with clerk, Wockner said. Subsequently, they must have the marriage solemnized by a judge, justice of the peace or an appropriate authorized religious representative. The person who conducts the ceremony then files paperwork with the Ontario Provincial Office of the Registrar General, and the married couple may apply to receive their official marriage certificate in about 12 weeks.

Evan Wolfson, Executive Director of Freedom to Marry, confirmed that anyone may marry in Canada. American couples who do so, he warns, should realize that they will be "as married as anybody on the planet." The decision is not a political gesture. "It's not just a sign-up on a list," said Wolfson. "They will be assuming all the responsibilities and commitments of marriage, and when they come home -- although they might face uncertainties and discrimination -- they will be married."

Wolfson anticipates that it will take a few years for American courts and legislators to agree on the status of gay Americans who marry in Canada. During this time, Wolfson says these couples will have a unique chance "every day to role model what married gay Americans look like, and help dispel the scare tactics of the religious right."

Although litigation is a sure bet, as certain states or public agencies resist recognition of the Canadian same-sex marriages, Wolfson cautions couples not to race across the border and come home ready for a lawsuit. On behalf of all gay and lesbian couples seeking the right to marry in the United States, he says, such suits should be chosen strategically and handled, he hopes, by legal groups who are well-experienced in working on the fight for marriage in the courts.


My comments: Okay it isn't the whole bowl of Cheerios yet. But it's getting there. AND as the world circles around the "in its own mind 'most progressive nation on Earth'" will have to get off its ass and live up to its ego. My prediction? By 2025 gays will be able to marry and have all the same benefits of marriage: a partner unable/inwilling to pay his bills, bankruptcy, and creditors calling *yes I know its his bill but YOU are married to him*... Welcome to heaven bois.

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Subject: *shakes his head*


Author:
Wolfie
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Date Posted: 22:04:00 04/27/03 Sun

I was talking to a friend of mine who obviously tried to post on the Shack, asking why I've been blocked.
Well, the post never made it on the board, and this person has been blocked too now.

What a bunch of &^%$^*$

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Subject: Does anyone here understand quantum theory?


Author:
Wolfie
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Date Posted: 21:10:22 05/27/03 Tue

Well, probably not.
As Richard Feynman said in 1967, "Nobody understands quantum theory."
And Niels Bohr said in 1927 that "Anyone who is not shocked by quantum theory does not understand it."

But I'm digressing.
Anyway, without getting too theoretical, quantum theory basically assumes that we don't live in an isolated universe, but in a so-called multiverse. That means that an infinite number of parallel universes exist at the same time.
They are all different from each other, some because big events happened differently (Germany won WW2, Gore won the election), others only in small details (you bought whole milk instead of fat free, you stopped at the red light instead of running it).

I guess I'm digressing again.

The important thing is, some of those universes are almost identical, and they are really close to each other in the time-space-continuum. So theoretically it is possible that there is contact between those worlds, like little wormholes, and that people in different universes can interact.

Now why am I boring you with this?
Well, for once I just had a beer (while I'm abstinent in another universe and got completely wasted in a third one).
But it's also a way to explain my evil twin who is terrorizing some of the message boards.

Anyway, I don't want to bore you all to death with theoretical physics, so I'll catch the next wormhole to another Wolfie's apartment and hope that he has some more beer in his fridge :)

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Subject: Wolfie is a star!!!!!


Author:
Mitchell
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Date Posted: 06:06:30 05/22/03 Thu

He even has his own impersonators!!!

**big hug**

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Subject: Comedians


Author:
Wolfie
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Date Posted: 16:54:57 05/25/03 Sun

Last night, Todd and his girlfriend Stacy dragged me out to an improv club to see a standup comedian.
Greg Shoemaker, or something like that.
They didn't tell me where they would take me before we left, because they knew that I would never go to such an event. I just don't see what's so funny about those people, telling their old jokes on stage.
Well, at least the food was good, and the beer was ok too :)

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Subject: Sunday Morning ...


Author:
Wolfie
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Date Posted: 07:49:55 05/18/03 Sun

*YAWN*

Here we are again, another Sunday morning, and still no volunteers for the job of my personal backwasher.
But that might be a good thing. My tub is not that big, so two people would almost have to sit on top of each other ...

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Subject: Monday Morning ...


Author:
Wolfie
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Date Posted: 07:32:27 05/19/03 Mon


|||
*puts a mirror in the middle of the board* ||| *draob eht fo elddim eht ni rorrim a stup*
|||
*starts talking to himself* ||| *flesmih ot gniklat strats*
|||
WOOF WOOF ||| FOOW FOOW
|||


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Subject: I just saw a show about a gay cruise on MTV


Author:
Wolfie
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Date Posted: 19:03:06 05/17/03 Sat

Lots of cute guys.
And even more completely crazy people. Leather, feathers, glitter ...

But such a cruise would be far too wild for me. I'm waaaaaaaaaay too shy for that.
After all, I'm sweet and innocent :)

Well, being alone has lots of advantages too!

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Subject: Saturday Morning ...


Author:
Wolfie
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Date Posted: 07:47:27 05/17/03 Sat

*yawn*

I forgot to turn on my dishwasher last night, so I have to do it now. I'll need some clean pots if I want to stuff my cabbage for lunch.
I'll fix enough, so if anybody's hungry, just come over :)

Happy Saturday Morning anyway!

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Subject: Speaking of Trevor's little problem ...


Author:
Wolfie
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Date Posted: 18:57:18 05/12/03 Mon





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Subject: Happy Mommies Day, Kris!


Author:
Trevor/TJ
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Date Posted: 12:27:33 05/10/03 Sat

Hope Siah & the spousal unit do something extra nice for you! * H U G *

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Subject: Hmm, looks like my little rant below keeps people from posting here


Author:
Wolfie
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Date Posted: 08:17:30 05/05/03 Mon

So I'll push it down a step.

Though I don't really have anything to say.
Except maybe ... Iceman is hot!
And I'm not talking about Val Kilmer in Top Gun.

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Subject: Roll me over and make me howl!


Author:
Wolfie
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Date Posted: 18:51:52 05/09/03 Fri

http://www.wotch.com/funstuff/fungames/wolfwhistle/

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Subject: The Postman.. well I dont suppose he rang at all....


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 21:51:27 04/25/03 Fri

Thank you Gene.
The bear got here yesterday the 24th. He has been duly adopted, named and slept with. His new name is Purple Little Bear Olsen. He helped to initiate my new hammock into the family. So far he has gone everywhere with Siah except to school. Of the hundred or so bears he and I have PLBO is the ONLY purple one! Good choice, mi amore!

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Subject: The Dragon's Birthday


Author:
Wolfie
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Date Posted: 23:17:49 04/20/03 Sun



Call the royal cook!
Say it's time to bake.
It's the dragon's birthday.
Quick! Make her a cake!
Make it with chocolate
And honey and fruit,
Vanilla and pudding
And frosting to boot!
Bring it to her on a
Plate with gold handles
And yell "Happy Birthday!"
When she lights the candles!





HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY!



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Subject: April Rules for Birthdays


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 08:08:21 04/18/03 Fri

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TODD!Happy 280th birthday!




in dog years of course

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Subject: And now *drum roll* A big SPANKING for our favorite Brit!


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 14:58:02 04/18/03 Fri

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHNM!!hAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!"


On my way to spoil you rotten this birthday.. Happy sweet 16!

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Subject: I need someone to wash my back!


Author:
Wolfie
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Date Posted: 07:18:35 03/30/03 Sun





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