| Subject: Ep. 1, inside |
Author:
Redtail
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Date Posted: 19:13:18 07/15/08 Tue
Author Host/IP: 71-32-248-110.ptld.qwest.net/71.32.248.110
In reply to:
Redtail, transparent, green, floating, etc.
's message, "Of Cabbages and.... and.... um...." on 17:59:54 07/15/08 Tue
A sunny day, over the hill, behind the rainbow, etc. etc.
BJ is sitting in his chair, busily pretending to type.
**phone rings**
BJ: Hello?
Publisher: It's the publisher.
BJ: I kinda knew that, with the name in front of your line and all.
Publisher: Yeah whatever, but we need a a new script for a book, in, oh say, twenty minutes?
BJ: Twenty minutes, huh? Might be tough.
Publisher: You did Eulalia in fifteen.
BJ: Yeah, well, no one was expecting it to be good, anyway. *sighs* I'll do my best.
Publisher: May the Force be with you. *hangs up.*
BJ: Let's see, I need an idea.
Meanwhile, in Mossflower, Matthias and Cluny are shopping for clothes.
Matthias: C'mon, hurry up! We've got to get you a proper outfit.
Cluny: Why? I don't need any clothes.
Matthias: You can't be a proper rat warlord if you're just wearing rags. You need something hot, hip, and cool.
Cluny: I prefer rot, rip and drool, if you ask me.
Matthias: Well, I'm going to show you some real fashion today. You're gonna be the star of the show.
Cluny: Oh joy.... Oooh look! They have a Rabble Store! *rushes over* Wow, a brand new Powersword! The Ratbook Air! *hops up and down excitedly* Ohmigosh! The iPatch g3!!! Can I get it? Can I can I can I? Pleaaaaaase!
Matthias: *grabs Cluny by the ear.* Nope. I just got you a DreyStation last fall. Hey, there's a Burley store. Let's try over there.
*A mouse comes over*
Mouse: Hello boys, how can I help you?
Matthias: My friend here needs a new outfit.
Mouse: I think I have just the thing! You look like a ragged dirty horde style, size 3. *picks a pair of very tight jeans off of a rack.* Here we are! I think this'll suit you.
Cluny: That's you're "ragged dirty horde" style? Please.
Mouse: It's the latest fashion.
Cluny: Can it puncture three inches of flesh?
Mouse: No...
Cluny: Can it deflect swords and arrows?
Mouse: No...
Cluny: Can it go through the wash three times in a row without shrinking?
Mouse: Yes, actually.
Cluny: Okay, I'll buy it.
*Cluny's cell phone rings*
Cluny: Yo.
Voice: Do not react to this message. You are being watched.
Cluny: Hi, BJ.
Voice: BJ? Who is this BJ you speak of? I am Brian Jacques.
Cluny: Yeah.... Brian Jacques... BJ...
BJ: Oh, yeah. Right. Anyway, I'm creating another Redwall book, and you're gonna be the protagonist.
Cluny: How? Mr. Hero here dropped a church bell on me, remember?
BJ: We can say that stem cell scientists regrew your body and Taoist necromancers raised your spirit from the dead.
Cluny: Right.
BJ: So anyway, the story's about a magic oyster this time.
Cluny: Let me guess. Some noob at Redwall's gonna find some ancient text and get visited by the spirit of a dead mouse, then go running off into the wilderness to find lost treasure. Meanwhile, a vermin horde's gonna attack the Abbey, then the hero returns in the nick of time with a bunch of short shrews and save the day. Am I right?
BJ:..... Wow. You're good.
Cluny: you really need to think up some more original stories.
BJ: Okay, how about... A group of young Redwallers goes to find the ruins of a lost abbey to find an ancient cure.
Cluny: Done that.
BJ: Umm... a giant badger finds his destiny in a fire-filled mountain.
Cluny: Nope.
BJ: A mouse goes north to find the shores of his long-lost father.
Cluny: You've already done all those! Think ORIGINAL.
BJ:.... A giant squirrel in a robot suit tries to destroy the earth, and the beasts must defend their home with flying saucers and muffins.
Cluny: It's a start....
*suddenly a vole bursts in.*
Vole: Look out! I giant squirrel in a robot squirrel is attacking Tokyo with bowls of extra-hot curry!
*looks around*
Vole: Is this the Tokyo Police Department?
Matthias: No. It's by the post office. In the real world. On the other side of it.
Vole: Oh. *rushes out*
Matthias: We've gotta do something!
Cluny: Leave it to me.
Mouse: Hey! Those jeans cost 500 [insert currency here]
Now for the obligatory....
WILL CLUNY BE ABLE TO SAVE TOKYO IN TIME?
WILL BJ FINALLY THINK UP A WORTHWHILE STORYLINE?
WILL THE VOLE ACTUALLY FIND HIS WAY TO THE TOKYO POLICE?
Vole: Yay, I got a mention!
TUNE IN NEXT TIME!
anyway, sorry for the really bad quality.
Feel free to criticize and drown me in a lake full of garlic.
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