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Date Posted: 08:32:42 08/19/01 Sun
Author: tim
Subject: Do most boys value sex over love

Anna gave me this subject to discuss. It was written in mind of just this response, not for the web board but I thought I would put it up on here anyway. Here is most of my response:

“'many if not most boys value sex over love' argue


assumptions on which my argument is founded;
>by boys you are referring to adolescent males, and so the
term isn't applicable to those males who are pushing thirty, are indeed thirty
and over the age of thirty. I don’t know why I picked thirty, but you know what I mean.
>when referring to sex I am merely talking about the
pure physicality's of it, not the emotional involvement etc.
> the following argument is based on generalisations that
can be taken to mean 'most', unless otherwise stated.
>When love is referred to below we are talking the person
love that isn't physical, at least not as the main factor. The love you tend to
see in the movies (or at least the movies on terrestrial TV ex. Channel
5).

Al that blurb sounds like the legal stuff companies put on ads doesn’t it like: “You house maybe at risk if you do not keep up payments…”

*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-*/-
to a young boy, love is a clean emotion which is
most likely to have its affect in 20 years time and marriage and children will
ensue. I believe that this is similar with girls too, with the following
exception; time is not really an issue. Girls tend to believe that love can whip
someone off their feet at any time. Hence boys are rarely associated with
'crushes' on pop stars etc. Girls appear to be happy to believe that this is the
person for them, and if they could just meet then everything-would-be-just-fine.
I used to regularly chat to a girl who travels on my school bus called ******.
She would regularly become besotted with various males, usually from the Denmark
Road Sixth form. She would literally star dreamingly into space, thinking about
this person in particular. Then in the space of a couple of months she would be
suffering the same symptoms, but in respect to another boy. She would
honestly tell me, and believe it too, that she was in love with this person
and this was the person for her, if i referred to the last person she was 'in
love' with she would either turn her nose up in disgust or say something along
the lines of; 'Oh, he is nice too but nothing compared to [fill in name of your
choice]'. I now this is an extreme case, but these make the best examples.

Using my friend ****** as my main backing for this point,
but it seems perfectly likely; sex also comes with this day dream of the guy
taking the person in question shopping and to diner and then to the
hotel...

>It seems that most boys have, what i deem as a more
realistic view. If they saw a poster of a beautiful, innocent but
saucy, looking girl they are *more likely* to fantasise about sex
rather than the whole works including sex. This i see as fine. It seems very naive (though excusably so) to believe that someone is nice from and picture and possibly an interview as well. -this is a wild generalisation, indeed i have had the crush thing, believing that if only i could just... in fact i still do. But i am a poor example, i seem considerably less masculine, in that i rarely take part in any of the apparently masculine traits which i relate to 'Rugby club' behaviour.
>These differences result in problems for teenage
’relationships’. You can either say that teenage girls have a tendency to take things too seriously or men have a tendency to not take things seriously enough. Example my friend Tyrone and his girlfriend Lucy. I have seen her moved to tears over him giving hard a "Really nasty look". I have also heard of her great distress (in which crying etc. was almost certainly involved) over an instant, quite early in there relationship when Tyrone was hesitant, and i think declined to say "I love you too". He told me that he didn't wish to say it because he didn't believe it was true at the time. Admirable honesty, i think you'll agree (i think he also suggested that her parents were in the car at the time and that was a factor too!). Such potential reactions, and other such reactions which are nearly as extreme result in many boys saying "I love you" when they don't mean it 100%. In most cases it is a little-white-lie intended to keep the other party happy. Not malicious or selfish at all. On the contrary (by the way he has since told me that he does indeed love his girlfriend and they started ‘going out’ over20 months ago)
>Both of my serious one on one teenage relationships (lasting six and almost 12 months respectively) have overlapped during exam or intense exam preparation periods. In both cases i have prioritised the exams. I stick by this decision. In the first relationship the girl mis interpreted my actions, despite me telling her earlier that during said period i would have to concentrate on exams, and she ended the relationship, under circumstances which you would be alarmed to here. I worked hard for my exams and didn’t see her all that much. I have since heard that she regrets her actions, and other stuff that it isn’t fair to talk about, and I don’t even know if it is true. The exams were also a factor in the ending of the other relationship, involving our dear Jenny.

>As i said before the value of sex in comparison to love
varies greatly. If you are an adult who has no sexual relief for a few months you would probably prefer, specific to say one hour of their life, relief that sexual tension by errrrr shagging someone senseless, especially if they are attractive. However, as with many things involving pleasure there is a short term and long term comparison to be done. It seems that in this life benefit comes to those most who wait, i.e. go for the long term benefits. An example to us all: invited to go on a night out, that promises to be very good, the night before an a-level (again i apologise for the extreme example). You would gain, in a short term way, if you chose to go on the night out, get on a high, drink, snog, suck, ;shag- WHATEVER. But the exam is sure to suffer and there would be a long term loss.
>However in the case of sex and love you can both.
If i wanted to make love to you, before we had made it clear we both love each other, then i don't think i would feel i had cheated myself and i wouldn't be depressed (far from it). Though i would feel very bad if you had always wanted the-first-time-to-be-special and all you got was a shag in an uncomfortable tent, with boy whose idea of oral sex is smelling your crotch. I cannot believe i just typed that. I would like the first-time-to-be-special (or maybe i am more concerned with first-time-to-be-good). First of all i tend to think of things in a wide sense, and if there are 5,000 billion people in the world, who cares if Tim lost his virginity in a tree, shagging a girl who only talked to me for 5 mins and doesn't really like me (*my character*) and bark scrapping his cold pimpled arse. This is a personal viewpoint and i am sure some people would be amazed this type of thinking. Also the loss of virginities is usually between people who are not sexually experienced and, i think it is fair to say, is a disappointment. So i don't really care that much, i would prefer to have memories of it actually being satisfactory than memories of an awkward fumble in a bed even if it is with someone i know much better, and can honestly say i love. Don't get the wrong impression. i wouldn't go around shagging anything
that looked like it might be 'good', but just saying what my priorities are.
>In the case of this argument sex is the short term and
love is the long term. I believe that most boys, possibly many might need
maturing still, but would still prefer 'true love' over many years to lots of sex. i know i would. But the idea of true love seems like a long way off for a boy.

This is all I can be bothered to say at the moment.”

I don’t think it is fair to say; 'many if not most boys value sex over love'

Sarah I apologise and I am sure you don’t follow my stereotypes (or don’t think you do), but you are special. I would have been more careful if I thought you were going to read it! Please don’t bite my head, containing my second favourite organ, off.


responses?

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