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Wed, Jan 07 2004, 0:55:28 [ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, [2] ]

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Date Posted: 27/08/03 9:10:37
Author: John Cooper
Subject: Boat Race
In reply to: John Cooper 's message, "The Camel at RAF El Adem" on 25/08/03 11:31:28

The Boat Race

The Queens Flight (TQF) RAF Benson and 24 Squadron RAF Abingdon decided to have a competitive boat race on the River Thames. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they were as ready as they could be. The Abingdon team won by a mile.
Afterwards, the Benson team became discouraged by the loss and their morale sagged. TQF decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of Executive Officers was set up to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.
Their conclusion: The problem was that the TQF Benson team had 1 person rowing and 8 people steering, whereas the Abingdon team had 8 persons rowing and 1 person steering. The Executive Officers Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure.
After some time and billions of pounds, the consulting firm concluded that "too many people were steering and not enough rowing." To prevent losing to the Abingdon team again next year, the management structure was changed to "4 Steering Officers, 3 Area Steering Officers, and 1 Steering Wing Commander" and a new performance system for the person rowing the boat to give more incentive to work harder and become a star performer.
The next year the Abingdon team won by two miles.
The Queens Flight Steering Committee laid off the rower for poor performance, sold all of the oars, cancelled all leave, called for new equipment, halted development of a new canoe, awarded high performance awards to the consulting firm, and distributed medals, promotions and knighthoods on the money saved as bonuses to the senior officers.

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Replies:

[> Bull Schitt -- John Cooper, 27/08/03 9:25:02

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertiliser magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, The twins; Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married for 15 years Jack and Noe divorced. Noe later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a cowardly son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and consequently, married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd and Horse. Bull Schitt the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned with his new bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now, when someone say's you don't know Jack Schitt, you can correct them


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[> [> Formula One -- John Cooper, 17/07/04 22:01:52

The Ferrari Formula 1 Team fired their entire pit crew last month.
The announcement followed Ferrari's decision to abide by extreme pressure from world governments that the racing industry hire more minorities. As a result, 12 youths from south-central Los Angeles were now an essential part of the famous Formula 1 Team. The decision to hire them was brought on by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from the Watts area were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds with just a tire iron and screwdriver, whereas Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with a million dollars worth of high tech equipment.

It was thought to be an excellent, yet bold move, by the Ferrari management. As most races are won and lost in the pits, Ferrari would have an advantage over every team. However....Ferrari got more than they bargained for. At the crew's first practice session, not only were the Watts pit crew able to change the tires in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged, and sold the vehicle to the Williams team for 2 six-packs of Colt 45, a day's supply of crack and photos of Queen Latifah in the shower.


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[> [> [> Tonto -- RV, 3/08/04 7:56:36

A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realized she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo!
she took the seat right beside him.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "business trip or vacation?"
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said ; "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States."

He swallowed hard here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him,
and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We
have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish."

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name."


"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy."


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[> [> [> [> Essex Gal -- John Cooper, 10/12/04 19:16:04

An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car accident and is trapped and bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive at the scene.

Medic: "It's OK love, I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you a few questions?"

Girl: "OK"

Medic: "What's your name?"

Girl: "Sharon"

Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"

Girl: "Yes"

Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"

Girl: "Southend, Mate"


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