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Date Posted: 23:26:57 08/13/03 Wed
Author: Yellow
Subject: Help!?!

Hello, here i am once again, posting once more. I have a question. More importantly i need some advice. Not sure if ya'll like giving advice or want to, but i figured what the heck...why not ask. Right now i am having troubles with a couple of my friends. They were in a year and a half relationship and are broken up now...but they change off liking each other...he likes her while she hates him, then she likes him and he hates her. They are both my friends but they draw me into their battles and use me against each other. They claim that God must not love them and that if God really did love them they would make it better for them. One seems to threaten her life a lot, and as much as i know she is not serious, i am afraid for the day when she becomes all too serious and ends up doing something stupid.

They both seem to assume that God is the problem...she says she is an active (i hate using the word for this very reason) "Christian" but hates the world, her family, and God basically. He won't claim a religion and frankly doesn't want one. He lost all faith because his relationships won't work out for him. What do i say to them. I mean i would be wrong to just let them blame God, but at the same time i am sick of being used by them just to get each other mad. Its like they don't listen to me, they just kind of push me around as leverage fighting for their sides. I don't know what to do!

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Replies:

[> Re: Help!?! -- Mike Rehani, 07:32:34 08/14/03 Thu

Stay away from them and let them figure out their own problems. They sound like they are both weak-minded and they don't sound like good people. They should also give up on each other and quit acting like twelve year olds.


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[> [> !?! -- Yellow, 10:02:05 08/14/03 Thu

Wow...maybe posting wasn't a good idea. I don't get it. You say to just walk away, to ignore them, to disown them. let them work it out completely on their own. You said it yourself, they are weak-minded, how can they do it all by themselves? Sure they need to figure some stuff out just the two of them, but if they are both set in their ways, how can they even begin to change. i am sorry if you didn't get the point that i am REALLY good friends with them and i have been taught not to just run away from friendships when the times get tough. I guess thats been my problem, not knowing if i am in the conflict too much...knowing too much that is.

Just because they are having relationship problems and confusion in their lives doesn't make them bad people either and who is to judge if they are anyways. Just because they are going through some problems doesn't make them evil...more or less not "good". If that was the case i would be one of the worst people around.

I'm not sure about the giving up on each other. That could be what they should do, but right now the only thing they really need to do is figure out what they want in the relationship, more importantly life. I won't give up on them because they did share something special and part of me thinks its their, i just don't want to see them fight anymore, we all used to be great friends. I am sorry that we don't see eye to eye and maybe that was my fault. Asking ya'll when you don't know who they are and who i am for that matter, my mistake.


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[> [> [> Re: !?! -- Mike Rehani, 11:29:45 08/14/03 Thu

Well, you said yourself that you were sick of being used by them. You said you're being pushed around by them. What's the point of letting that continue?
If they are both set in their ways, as you say, why even try to change things? Perhaps they should just ignore each other and stop bickering. They have to take that first step. Otherwise, nothing will get accomplished.
Human behavior is very odd.


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[> Re: Help!?! -- Tim Koch, 21:43:51 08/14/03 Thu

Classic.
Just classic Yellow. Seriously...check it out. This is what's going on. Just like they are using you to fight both of their sides. You even go so far as to claim they dont' listen to you. Hmm. I know someone else who is in your very shoes. Check it out. I know this guy...Jesus Christ...AKA GOD!. Anywho...he's got the Bible right? And tells us all this cool stuff about how Love is patient, and kind, and keeps no record of wrongs...etc...etc. Then about how guys should respect their girlfriends, and love their wives and such as Christ loved the church.
Anywho...all that is written down, but your two friends just ignore it, as they ignore you. Not to be mean, but their actions kind of tell me that they want to fix it themselves.
As for your friend doing something stupid...AKA taking her life. No offense, but she's the reason why the stereotype that women are stupid is around. Example...
Her relationship goes bad. She wants to get back at her boyfriend, and wants him to feel guilty and stuff. So she decides...well, I'll just kill myself, then he'll feel bad. Umm...well...YEAH RIGHT!!!!!!!
Just as if she went to his house on such and such a night he would love her more and their relationship would get stronger...that didn't seem to work, so what makes you think killing yourself is going to work?
Second of all, if you kill yourself, you don't get the satisfaction of watching your ex wallow in self pity and despair. Instead your watching you skin melt off your bones and you get pounded by the unending tide of burning sulfer from the pit of hell. To me, it seems like killing yourself would only claim... "Ok, you win."
Whatever though.

You don't want to get involved? Then don't get involved.
It's really simple. You say this. "Listen, you asked for my advice and you ignored it. So I'll tell you the same thing I told you last time, and after you've taken that advice, I'll give you some more...should you need it."
Or how about this one. "Hey So and so...to me it's looking like...in the field of opportunity, it's plowing time again."
Man...I could go off forever...but I need to be at work by 6AM tomorrow morning.
Later.
Tk


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[> [> Re: Help!?! -- Yellow, 22:49:38 08/14/03 Thu

You make good sense, and while your comments were very comical, yet good, i still feel like i am the bearer of bad news to each of them. I claim that i don't want any part in the fight, and i am just realizing that i am lying to myself. I desperately want to see them work it out. Not saying that they should be together or that they shouldn't. I don't want to be on either sides, but at the same time i want to be there for them. Maybe hearing that i need to back away is what i need right now. Sometimes i feel like i am trying to be God, making things alright at any expense. I wish i could take your advice and just step out of the scene...but something is holding me there.

Truly, you want to know what i think. You said that since it seems they are ignoring me, maybe they want to work it out on their own...i don't know if they want to work it out. Oddly enough, i think they both still have feelings for each other, but they won't give in to either one. They figure that arguing is easier than realizing that they either do or they either don't like each other. I don't know if that makes sense or not, but yeah. I had a bad time at work tonight...they had a fight and i work with the girl...she cried to me, made me feel like crap and basically put herself down (and i agree the whole death threats and putting herself down is definetly what gives women in general a bad name ). I want to back away, but i just feel evil abandoning her. and him for that matter. he is always talking to me about how he hates whats going on...but he won't do anythign about it. Its starting to be an annoyance rather than something i want to spend time thinking about.

I feel like i am going on about nothing...i never really express myself all that well in words...and usually end up writing stupid stuff. i am thankful that you are sharing, and would have loved to have you go on forever but work calls...and sleep is a heck of a lot more important. Speaking of which, i need sleep.

Tschau


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[> Re: Help!?! -- JLJ, 11:00:28 08/15/03 Fri

first off, i think it would be funny to start an invastion of females in to this forum :)
second, i just wanted to say that i am not so great at giving advice (especially writing it) but if you ever want to talk about this i'll be there to listen, and give advice to the best of my ability :) But, i am glad that you said something about this, cuz now i can do something else for you, too. I'll pray for you and your friends. You should too. I will see you in a very few days!
~honk honk~


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[> some input from the lesser known so called "advice" -- steven, 15:29:30 08/15/03 Fri

yeah...this is a bad situation. i would say that this is the type of thing where no advice from you to them is going to help much. they sound like they want to hear advice, but never really intend to use it. so i would step back and pray. they probaby won't listen to you, so just try to remove yourself from the situation. it isn't your issue, so don't try to make it yours.


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