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Date Posted: Sun, Apr 18 2004, 1:05:52
Author: AC
Subject: Tortured!Legolas

Hm, this place looks familiar. Too bad we don't have smilies to use though. I miss the smilies.

But I return, bearing bad LotR fic. In <a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1684061&chapter=1">Nin Estel</a>, there has never been an alliance of men and elves. It takes place in the second age, when Legolas is 19, but Aragorn is inexplicably there despite the fact that Legolas is thousands of years older then him. But we can't let things like logic and canon get in our way, can we?

The story opens with a bunch of humans hunting...and they ain't hunting wabbits either:
<i>
"Don't let any escape! Capture every elf here!" yelled King Arathorn as his men stormed the castle of Mirkwood. "How does it feel to be on your first elf hunt, my son?" Arathorn asked the teenage boy at his side.
</i>
Ooh! An elf hunt! Something fun for middle earth rednecks to do on the weekend, no doubt. Aragorn is a sensitive new age type and decides he doesn't much approve. But he's also a wimp and doesn't do anything to stop it. For once it's Arathorn who is the evil bastard, not Thranduil, who appears once and is knocked unconscious. Legolas, however, has a reputation:
<i>
"My Lord!" Yelled the Elf as he sprinted through the open doors only to see the worst scene ever; his King was on the ground, unconscious. The Crown Prince, Legolas, was bound and gagged and was being held by mortals.

"Your King can't hear you, we have gotten what we wanted, the jewel of Mirkwood, the most beautiful Elf in Middle-Earth," Said one of the man holding Legolas.
</i>
Er...the jewel of Mirkwood? The hell? Feminizing much? But the author lays it on even thicker as Aragorn sees Legolas for the first time:
<i>
A golden-haired Elf was thrown to the ground. Aragorn gasped, the elf was so graceful; he had delicate features framed by his long flowing hair, which was roughly scattered around his head. He had deep blue eyes, which were clouded over with pain and another unseen emotion. Aragorn could get lost in them (Not that he's in love, he can't fall in love with Legolas because he's not gay!) They also showed the Elf was very wise and was older then he looked.
</i>
It's nice of the author to come out and tell us that Aragorn's not gay. But if he's not gay, then why the feminizing of Legolas? Wait, looking for logiac from a fangirl. Nevermind. Oh, and Faramir's here and a bad guy, for which Boromir is probably grateful, as he gets to sit this one out and point and laugh at his brother. Again, the author doesn't account for the fact that Aragorn's 80+ and Faramir's less than half his age, so Faramir wouldn't have even been born when Aragorn was a teenager.

Anyway, Arathorn throws Legolas into the dungeon. Legolas weeps. Arathorn has Legolas tortured. Legolas weeps. Aragorn decides to free Legolas, but not because he loves him, since he's not gay, but just because, so he pretends to be evil. And he decides Legolas will be his personal slave, even though he's not gay. Legolas weeps and Aragorn tries not to weep because he's a sensitive new age guy. But not gay. Then Aragorn strips Legolas and tends to his wounds. But again, not gay. And no one's buying that line anymore, author's note or not, especially when Aragorn starts singing to Legolas. It's like West Side Story! We're only on chapter 9, but Legolas has again been brutally tortured while Aragorn was off visiting Faramir (who is not gay either) and Aragorn is about to discover the broken, bloody mess that is his twu wuv. Except he's not gay. Straight guys strip other gays and sing to them all the time, right? And Legolas is weeping again. Stupid weeping Elf. They need a Whomping Elf, not a Weeping Elf. Actually, the author needs a good whomping.

Anyway, enjoy it.

AC

Hey! Why's my html coding showing in the preview view? Hopefully it's displaying properly in the message. If not, sorry!

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