Well, "Winner" certainly is a loser when it comes to Haiku . . . -- Godawful Fan Fiction

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Date Posted: Wed, Nov 12 2003, 22:45:07
Author: ohsolurid
Subject: Well, "Winner" certainly is a loser when it comes to Haiku . . .

>KJ's fic (aka "Winner"):

><a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://www.koffeeklub.net/kj/index1.html">http://www.koffeeklub.net/kj/index1.html</a>

I don't know anything about Voyager, so I can't judge any of the fics, at least in terms of plot and characterization. "Winner's" haiku, however, is some of the cheesiest stuff I've come across.

<i>Gasp, sigh, grope, pant, groan
Building, secret passions soar
Lights bright smiling Tom

Weapons are charged
Shields at the ready, red alert
Crew�s lives in small hands

coffee nebula
wounded cloud; a game of pool
Commander, your stick

As one dark to light
Velvet steel, hot slick wetness
Cries of pure pleasure

Dark Jefferies tube
Warm golden hands touching me
Lights, Neelix! Screaming

Bones broken in lust
Bloody bites; sweaty joining
Sated Klingon love</i>

Japanese literary historians would be gouging their eyes out right about now. Haiku just doesn't translate well to aliens and starships.

And if I'm not mistaken, she has her formatting wrong on a few of these. Isn't haiku supposed to consist of 17 syllables (5 in the first and last lines, and 7 in the second)? I checked it out here (<a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://www.toyomasu.com/haiku/)">http://www.toyomasu.com/haiku/)</a> and they seem to think so. I guess with all the bitching and fangirl packing, "Winner" just didn't have the time to commit to either research or good writing.

--osl

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Replies:

I've never seen Voyager (hate to admit it but I always liked TNG) but even I know crap when when I see it. (NT) -- Snorkle, Wed, Nov 12 2003, 22:54:58
fuck you and take down my work! That is my artistic property and u do not have my permission to steal it!!!! -- KJ, Wed, Nov 12 2003, 22:55:23
- Three Words dear - Professional. Help. Now. -- AC, Wed, Nov 12 2003, 23:24:23
  - U are the 1 who needs professional help, ANNE ROSE (NT) -- FU ANNEROSE AND SPILETTA, Wed, Nov 12 2003, 23:32:53
    - You're hallucinating now. Time to call the men with butterfly nets. -- AC, Wed, Nov 12 2003, 23:41:47
      - LIER!!!! YOU ARE TO ANNEROSE CAUSE ONLY ANNEROSE LIKES SPILETTA (NT) -- FUKC OFF, Wed, Nov 12 2003, 23:53:54
        Now we have proof -- AC, Thu, Nov 13 2003, 0:04:13
        Re: Now we have proof -- Sheryl, Sat, Nov 15 2003, 17:41:37
        I don't think logic will work here, but good try. -- Spiletta42, Thu, Nov 13 2003, 1:15:32
        But there are far more things in this world than logic... -- Heywood, Thu, Nov 13 2003, 2:01:41
- Legally, it's ok. -- Rubyfire, Wed, Nov 12 2003, 23:32:25
  - IT IS NOT IT IS STEALING AND I WILL TAKE ACTION AND IT WILL NOT BE PLEASANT (NT) -- KJ, Wed, Nov 12 2003, 23:35:47
    - Try it. A good lawyer will not only have it dismissed, but will have your ass up for harassment. Try it, I'd love to see that. (NT) -- Heywood, Thu, Nov 13 2003, 1:44:38
- Re: fuck you and take down my work! That is my artistic property and u do not have my permission to steal it!!!! -- Aaahahaha hah! -rachel, Thu, Nov 13 2003, 3:39:08
  - Paranoid Much?? Check this out. -- lol...just give it a look, Thu, Nov 13 2003, 3:59:36
    - I have no scorecard to tell these people apart. -- rachel, Thu, Nov 13 2003, 5:04:40
      - Re: I have no scorecard to tell these people apart. -- Squirrelly, Thu, Nov 13 2003, 5:50:42
        keep your fucking nose out of this squirrelly you stupid sack of crap (NT) -- LIER!!!!!!!!!!!!!, Thu, Nov 13 2003, 14:35:09
        *hands troll a dictionary with the word LIAR highlighted* (NT) -- ohsolurid, Thu, Nov 13 2003, 21:41:06
Uhm, I wonder if i should admit this... -- Anne Rose, Fri, Nov 14 2003, 18:46:58
- Haiku is evil... -- Squirrelly, Fri, Nov 14 2003, 21:13:50
  - Re: Haiku is evil... -- AnneRose/KJ/Spiletta, Sat, Nov 15 2003, 17:16:10