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Date Posted: 20:54:41 10/20/02 Sun
Author: BL
Author Host/IP: Dial2a-150.i2eyenet.com / 64.80.2.150
Subject: Thank you dear friends ....
In reply to: BL 's message, "Thank you dear, caring friends for this past year that I almost didn't have...." on 20:44:46 10/20/02 Sun

It's been just over a year since I posted a plea for help on the Holas mb, at a time when I was ready to give up on life. Thanks to some very dear and caring people online, I made it through another dark valley. Someone told me at that time that it was really foolish to expect anyone on the internet to be of any real help to me, that only real professionals would do me any good in the state that I was in then. She was wrong, so very, very wrong. Doctors did me no good, and neither did a therapist. (I tossed them aside because their pills and fancy words were useless to me.)

The thing that got me through this past year was the love, support, encouragement and real friendship of some online friends, most of whom I have never laid eyes on or talked to on the phone even. I have never even seen pictures of many of these folks, but my heart knows exactly what they look like, because they all have angels' wings and halos. So to Ann, Larry, Laura, Joy, Dennie, Renea, Sandy, Carmen, Linda, Kathy, Steve, Sherry, Helen, Char, Peggy, Dennis, BJS, Brenda, Angie, Joel, John, Barb, Sandy, Dianne, Jane, Sharin, Elizabeth, Ruby, Eleanor, Bob, Linda, Robin, Sunni, Cindy, Kris, Cathi, and anyone else I may be forgetting in my moment of haste, thank you for being here and for giving me your hands, your hearts and your shoulders when I needed them more than any time in my life.

When some of my "real life" friends and family turned their backs on me and couldn't make time to come by to visit me or even call or e-mail, you folks were there for me. When a couple of people who said they were my good friends decided that I was too "negative" to have around anymore stopped being my friends, you all kept reaching out with words of encouragement, jokes, e-mails, messages on my yahoo pager, phone calls, prayers, pictures, etc. Because of you, I held on a little longer, and I passed the year mark. I have done some pretty stupid things during this past year and a half, including some physical damage to myself that can't be undone, but because I had someone reaching out of the darkness for this past year, I made it this far, and you gave me time to rediscover some people from the past as well.

Just before Christmas last year, my niece Debbie came to my door. I had not seen her in almost 20 years, as she had moved away from the area. In Jan. I had a new child come into my life that I never would have seen. In July a cousin from Pennsylvania, Nancy, whom I had not seen or heard from in nearly 30 years came to the door and surprised me. A week later I got an e-mail and a phone call from another cousin, BJ, in Maryland whom I had not heard from in over 30 years. In June I made a new friend online, Dennie, because I had recently located two old holas members, Barb and Jane, and sent them an e-mail that one of them had passed on to her. A week later, I made another friend online, Dennis, who sends me jokes and a few news items every day as well. In August I got a letter from an old friend from high school days, Linda, and we have renewed our friendship as well. Last month an old holas sister Cathi reappeared online, after not hearing from her in nearly two years. She is recovering from a bad accident that left her with amnesia on top of other injuries, and we have been exchanging e-mails and catching up too.

So many nice things have happened in this last year that have brought a smile to my face and happiness to my heart. To think that I almost missed these things because of my foolish reactions to physical and emotional pain, rejection and humiliation is kind of an eyeopener for me. In spite of these good things in my life, I have to admit that on Sept. 22nd I was almost ready to throw in the towel again, but a dear online friend reached out from beyond the monitor and got me past another hurdle. Thank you so much, sweetie. I know you have your own troubles to deal with too, but you made time for me when I really needed you to be there with a kind word or two. Because of you, my websites are still intact also. I've even added a couple more pages, including the one you inspired me to write by sending me that joke.

If I failed to mention anyone who has been reaching out to me with kindness and love, I'm sorry for the oversight; blame it on senility, as right now I am in a lot of pain and need to take a couple of pills and take a little nap for a while, but before I lie down to rest I wanted you all to know that I appreciate all the kindnesses you have shown to me, all the love lights you have held over my dark valley, and all the caring you have sent my way, especially this past year when I have needed them so badly. It's not over yet, and I'm not sure if it ever will be really over, but because of your sparks of hope, my light is still on, albeit faint, (probably about as bright as 4 1/2 watt nightlight bulb), and holding up against the breeze, but I sure hope that the wind stays down for a bit.

Peace and keep those LOVE lights glowing; you never know when someone may need YOUR light to find the way home!

Thankfully yours,
Betty

PS- I spent about an hour this morning writing this to post, but when I hit "send" a message came up that the server was down for maintanence! It wasn't when I started writing, as I was in the form box. I was able to copy it by going "back"; (the old mb deleted whatever was in the form once you left the page), so I saved it to post later. Well, later is now, so before I forget to do it, I just want to say thank you again to my holas family members and my dear friends online and off too. "You light up my life!"

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