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Date Posted: 13:15:02 11/10/01 Sat
Author: Tristan
Subject: Well, call me Stupid, but...
In reply to: Marz 's message, "Believe it or not but....." on 10:16:02 11/09/01 Fri

Tristan wanted to laugh when Marz said Jeremy was lucky he didn’t kill him, but he kept his mouth shut. Marz could be pretty violent when he wanted to, and he knew some people were afraid of him when he got really mad, too. He’d never threatened Tristan, though, even back when they were just friends, except for that one time when he’d slapped him…Tristan shook his head, a little confused by the memory. He was probably high again at the time and deserved the physical reprimand.

His eyebrows shot up when Marz claimed that Jeremy practically raped him. Well in that case, he sure as hell hoped the ugly kid got his face bruised up for his efforts! Somehow he doubted that, though, since Rowan hadn’t looked too upset when they’d exchanged a glance out the window. He had a feeling the elf wouldn’t have been in such a good mood if Marz had caved in half of Jeremy’s face.

He kept his expression neutral while Marz talked to him, mostly out of habit than deliberate practice. There were times when he felt like he was reverting back to being a kid when he was around Marz, staring and listening and believing everything he said without even batting an eye. He believed, too, that Marz had never lied to him before, at least to his knowledge. That, coupled with the love and near hero-worship Tristan felt for him (which probably would have thrilled Marz, who was after all an ex-gang leader, to no end if he knew) made him have complete trust in whatever he said.

He realized he would probably never have this problem, if the roles were reversed, with him trying to convince Marz that what looked like a liaison was after all completely one-sided. He almost laughed aloud again at the thought of anyone lusting after him like that. Sometimes he wished he could be like Marz; smooth, cocky, full of self-assuredness, and desirable to nearly everyone who laid eyes on him. But he was almost certain no one looked at him with anything but at least a minimal amount of disgust. He was just a big, nasty dragon to the mortals, and a silly joke to his own kind!

Which was exactly what made Marz so special, because he didn’t think either of those things, though Tristan wondered sometimes if it bothered him to occasionally realize he was sleeping with a dragon. Maybe that’s what that whole crazy conversation back in the priests’ temple had been about---was Marz momentarily disgusted by what he’d come to love? Can you love something you hate? Tristan wondered, furrowing his brow ever so slightly.

He bounced in and out of his own self-musings, the way he usually did, just in time to hear Marz discussing his “highly sexual nature.” It suddenly occurred to him that here they were, having this serious conversation based almost entirely around sex and he hadn’t so much as blushed! He beamed down at his lover, inordinately pleased with himself, but by that time Marz had turned away and couldn’t see his smile.

His smile turned to a frown as he stared at the back of Marz’s head. Why did he seem so upset? Automatically, he tried to figure out what he’d done wrong earlier, used to thinking he’d somehow screwed up whenever his friend turned grumpy like this. No, no, no, he berated himself, shaking his head. He didn’t do anything wrong! Obviously, Marz was just upset because of what Jeremy had done to him. Normally, the very idea of rape scared Tristan shitless, but he guessed Jeremy was kind of a different case. Not only was he ugly, but he was a stupid kid who had a stupid crush on Marz. So there was nothing really scary about the situation, more along the lines of…contemptible.

Tristan also realized that in his immense relief over Marz being both a) alive, and b) nearly raped, that is, not cheating, he’d practically lost all his anger toward Jeremy. Maybe it was because he’d finally decided Marz didn’t see anything in the little brat. Or maybe it was because he just didn’t have any emotion left over after being so breathlessly relieved.

Or maybe, he thought, as he lay down against the mattress beside Marz, folding his hands behind his head, It’s because I finally got something everybody else wants! A tiny smile curved its way onto his mouth as he turned his head slightly, staring at Marz’s stiffened back, the glaring red wound covered for now by the blanket.

“I don’t sit around waiting for you to cheat on me,” he said at last, shifting to his side and curling up slightly. It was getting a little chilly, but he didn’t want to disturb Marz and possibly hurt him more by pulling down the covers and slipping beneath. “You’re very silly for thinking that, you know. I never once said I didn’t trust you or worried about what you did behind my back.”

No, in fact it had been Marz who was constantly telling him those things. It was that old Don’t get close to me cause I’ll only push you away thing that Marz was so fond of. That’s just dumb, he thought, yawning and scrunching up tighter, How can you not get close to someone like that?

“I’m sorry,” he continued quietly, reaching out to touch the back of Marz’s neck, fingering the strands of black hair there. He wished he’d turn around; it made him feel like he was still mad at him for some reason. “I’m sorry, but I’m just not mad anymore. I don’t know why.” He felt like he was fumbling for words, but wasn’t sure why. “Guess it’s kind of stupid to trust someone with your…sexual nature, but…well, I was never all that clever to begin with, you know.”

He waited for a few seconds, wondering if Marz had actually fallen asleep by now. “If you want anything, just let me know,” he added, just in case he was still awake.

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