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Date Posted: 15:55:32 11/12/01 Mon
Author: Tristan
Subject: Thoughtful as usual
In reply to: Marz 's message, "Wide awake and hungry!" on 09:27:55 11/12/01 Mon

Tristan was grateful when Marz let him share the blanket, since the nights tended to bring a colder chill to the air in the desert. Funny, but he never noticed the temperature drop unless he was lying stationary, like now, even though he was still fully clothed. It was even nicer to share body heat with someone, and as he held Marz close against him, he allowed himself to think that, well, maybe all the arguing they sometimes did was worth it if he could just share moments like this with him.

He frowned when Marz did nothing except close his eyes and promptly fall asleep. He was hoping he would say something about what had happened, but he guessed that topic of conversation was closed, now. Tristan sighed, thinking he must have gotten his words wrong again. Obviously, he hadn’t said “the right thing” to make Marz completely satisfied over the issue. It frustrated him to no end that he was neither competent at expressing his emotions physically or verbally, and he knew it would put a damper on any relationship he involved himself in.

“I’ll do better next time,” he promised, finally closing his eyes and falling asleep. He was still a little weary from the healing spell, too, but, like Marz, he felt as good as new once he was awakened again. While Marz pulled away and began to dress, Tristan sat up and watched him, a contemplative frown on his face. I have to be more demonstrative, he determined, nodding to himself, I have to start showing what I think and feel, or else he may decide one day that this silly love thing just isn’t enough!

As with most things, it was all easier said (or thought) than done. He followed Marz around to Jeremy’s room, his mind busy with trying to be more human, which he equated with being more outwardly emotional. Mortals touched each other, all the time, he reasoned, thinking back at the extended period of time he’d spent in this one little group. Even when they were little more than acquaintances, they shook hands, gripped shoulders, and slapped backs, among other things.

The fact that they actually enjoyed casual sex spoke immensely of their culture to him, and although he knew he’d never participate in it, he thought he was beginning to understand and accept it. Jeremy had felt an attraction to Marz, and he had simply acted aggressively to accommodate his own feelings. This was in stark contrast to Tristan, who had almost lost his dinner from nervousness the first time he’d kissed Marz. It was more than simple shyness; it was stepping beyond his own culture. A tiny part of him wondered if Marz didn’t like Jeremy’s response better than his own, but he put it out of his head as quickly as the thought had come.

As they entered the kitchen and took seats at the table, his head was still somewhere in the clouds, but he was still hungry enough to reach automatically for a sandwich and a glass of wine. He examined the piece of food, wondering just how exactly he was supposed to consume the thing, glancing up every now and then to see how the others were handling it. He sighed. More bread. And cheese and lettuce and other green things! Mortals like that stuff, he reasoned, but it wasn’t enough to convince him to eat the sandwich---at least not the whole sandwich.

While he ate (or at least tried to eat) he stole glances at Marz, egging himself on to be more physically demonstrative, but as of yet, his hands stayed securely in his lap or on the food. Well, give him time, and a little more practice, and he would be just as emotionally available as any human---even Jeremy. Meanwhile, he listened very attentively to Erlic’s response concerning chakra. If Marz’s teacher were going to pull any magic mumbo jumbo on his student, Tristan wanted to be right there when he did it…and to know just what exactly it was he was doing, too.

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