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Date Posted: 15:15:28 02/13/02 Wed
Author: Tristan
Subject: I swear I'm okay
In reply to: Rowan 's message, "NOW we're together" on 14:30:14 02/13/02 Wed

Tristan felt most of his rage begin to drain away as Marz led him into Corum’s cell. He really did feel cold inside now, like once he stopped wanting to kill, he couldn’t think of anything else to really do with himself. But I still want to kill them, he reasoned mentally, trying to grab at something, anything. I’ll kill anyone who tries to hurt the people that I care about.

The renewed lust for vengeance died down again once Marz sat down and pulled him close beside him. He nodded listlessly, feeling like such a dork for letting the news about Eremis’ capture get to him so much. But it still made him feel a bit better to know that Marz was worried about the healer, too. And maybe he was right about Tegol finding a use for him.

You know what use they’ll find for him, all right, said that tiny voice in his head, making Tristan close his eyes miserably, bringing to mind a mental image of his friend’s handsome face, his wheat-blonde hair and bright, innocent blue eyes. But they couldn’t all be like that, he promised himself. Look at Dalo. Look at Justin and Argus. Probably lots of other men on this world who would never look twice at Eremis just because he wasn’t a woman.

The thought placated him enough to open his eyes again and stare back at Marz, who had tightened his arm around him. Tristan leaned against him, his eyes turning dull as they momentarily lost their focus. “I can’t do anything for Eremis,” Marz said in a quiet, calm voice, his tone unusually gentle, “but I’m here for you, Tris. Tell me how I can help rid you of that coldness you feel inside.”

Startled, Tristan looked up to meet his eyes again. Suddenly, he felt a tiny warmth come over him, as if the arm around his shoulders was protecting him against all the foulness of their dank, grimy surroundings. He should have been embarrassed, but he wasn’t. He wasn’t quite sure what he was feeling anymore, although the coldness inside had begun to abate somewhat.

“Just don't let them take you, too,” he said quietly, almost fiercely. “I don’t want to have to hunt down the whole damned world to find you again.” Without thinking, he closed the distance between them, giving him a tender kiss to express the real feelings that he could never seem to sum up with simple words.

“It’s so stupid, I know,” he continued, still frustrated, if not as forlorn as before. “I’m sure he’ll probably be okay, and there’s nothing I can do here, anyway. But it’s just…Ravin’s vision…about that man, trying to…take advantage of him. Eremis is…”

It’s just Marz, he reminded himself gently. He relaxed somewhat.

“Eremis is too innocent,” he finished with an angry frown. “He was practically disgusted by the way I used to feel about him, though I’m pretty sure he got used to you and me.” He smiled slightly. “He even tried to give me advice when you were being stupid.” He poked Marz playfully in the ribs, but the frown returned quickly to his face. “I literally can't stand the thought of someone—some man forcing himself on Eremis like that. But I guess I just have to come to terms with it, and realize that things like that actually happen, even if I never really thought about it before. It makes me feel better to think about how I’m going to kill that guy, whoever he is, if the vision turns out true. But then I start to feel cold inside again.”

This time, the smile he gave Marz was completely genuine, almost sheepish, even. “That’s why I need you. You’re so much stronger than I am. Everybody looks up to you. My hero!” he added, reaching for the hand on his shoulder and squeezing it lightly.

Getting sappy again, he warned himself, but he shrugged the feeling off. If a big, tough ex-gang leader could freely express his feelings whenever he felt like it, then so could a dragon, even if he was a slightly shy and somewhat quiet dragon.

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