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Date Posted: 14:55:13 08/23/11 Tue
Author: Esther
Subject: Check it out >>>
In reply to: Esther 's message, "HOMEWORK if you can believe it!" on 14:38:33 08/23/11 Tue

After such a long period of inactivity, Iím very much aware I might be the only one in the sandbox. A stagnant board does not generate activity, or motivate, or give reason to post. Hence this becoming the perfect time to get back into the game. Weíve all been on leave/vacation (insert word that fits your circumstance) and can come back on equal footing to contribute where we are able. But, I feel, that forward momentum cannot happen until we acknowledge where we are. Even if it is only to ourselves.

1. On the road to nowhere. Even a journey to nowhere has to start someplace. Who is involved? Is it in the first person context, or is it a narrative of someone else? What events transpired that resulted with this end? Was it out of the characters control? When? Yesterday? Last year? Was it that decision in high school that dictated the path? An immediate consequence? Or is the focus on a date in the future where it all comes to a sudden stop? Where are they now? Physically? Emotionally? Why did they make the choices they did? And my favourite question Ė How. How do they deal with it? Do they face the consequence, or do they keep living with a delusion? Are there any personal costs/risks involved? How does it effect others? Is there a ripple effect?

2. What about us as writers? Where do we stand? Itís time to take an inventory. What stories/prose unfold in our minds? How many have the written word to back them up? Where do they stand? Do you know the word count? The percent thatís remaining? The scenes to polish up? Has the editing process left you feeling like youíre leaving your best friend bleeding to death on the floor? And where do we go from here? Do we set goals? What would they be?

3. To keep with my tendency to post in a theme of three, the last option to tie it all together. The word to follow wherever it leads -- Resuscitate.

And thatís that. Remember, there is a 2000 word limit, no crits unless specifically requested, and they donít expire. Most important of all, POST. I'd love nothing better than to come here with my morning cup of coffee and visit your worlds.

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[> [> Option 1 (more or less) This little poem/song has been bugging me for years now and I still havn't found the right words to polish it but maybe your crits and suggestions may help.>>>> -- Lady Morilka, 04:11:16 08/25/11 Thu

"Backwards into the futur" posted for critique purpose only, does not constitute publication

When you left me
you riped apart
all that tied us together
and left me standing there
alone and bare.

I stand alone
on this darkend road
as the world goes by.

Since then I found
that I lost my ground
and kept tumbling through
the currents of life
with no way to cussion the fall.


Since then I found
every dent in the road
kept looking back
loosing my track
with nowhere to go.


But now I found
that I can be save and sound
without you by my side
I can be my own guide
and leave my tracks
as I walk the world

strong and free.

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[> [> [> Yikes- its been so long, i can't remember my password but hello! and iinside>>>> -- susiej, 11:20:55 10/04/11 Tue

I liked this alot, especially the lines
"without you by my side, i can be my own guide"

only I'd change it to...i am my own guide

it sounds stronger, though "can" does imply a choice, i think that the choice itself means one is the guide, the choser so i just think it fits better with the wonderful final words

strong and free.

Now there were a few mispellings:

and I think you meant "safe" when you used save

but those are minor- overall, great emotion, strong message

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[> [> [> [> Ahhh, so someone is still awake here :) (I was on vaccation the last week ;)) -- Lady Morilka, 17:58:43 10/15/11 Sat

Thanks for the crit you got me thinking with the wordchange. Somehow I still very much like the "can" since it is, as you pointed out, a choice. But your wording does have an appeal too. It points out the self awarenes that is reached at that point, which was quite a strong one (I know!) since this is more or less autobiographic and took several month to get all its verses. They emerged one after the other, every new one a new point in coming to terms and than overcoming.
And you are very right about the spelling, I have read and reread this poem so often I can't count it, but never seen those.

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