>^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>Valerie was drowning in a sea of phone calls late
>Tuesday morning. As she answered and directed calls,
>she was grateful that they only had three phone lines.
Repeats information that we already know.
>and just before lunch everything slowed long enough to
allow her to hurry to the restroom.
>she had to admit, the bunny at the base was kind of cute.
:D
>A row of narrow, locker-like cabinets stood along the wall.
"Locker-like cabinets" or just "lockers"?
>“What accent?”
Not sure I get this. Does Alan not hear Daniel's accent?
>Steeling herself, she took a deep breath and crept
>with great trepidation
When I edit, I like to take out qualifier words like "great", "quite", "very", etc. unless they're really needed. I see those kind of words like pepper - a little goes a long way :)
>Swahili would be easier to read.
:D
>The phone rang and she almost snatched at it in relief.
Did she snatch at it or not? The sentence isn't clear.
>Mrs. Carpenter exited the exam room and came up to pay her bill.
>“So, as the captain, you’re the one doing the actual
>flying? I mean, what else is there to do?” She paused,
>shaking her head. “I sound like an idiot. Of course
>there’s more things to do besides fly.”
Oh, I remember this feeling of being tongue-tied one minute and spouting out nonsense the next. It's so obvious she fancies him rotten.
>His eyes sparkled in pleasure with the conversation,
>“Ow—what the—!” A loud bang accompanied the cacophony
>from behind the door.
It's dat darn wabbit :)
> She ducked as it hit the wall with a loud THWAP!, rebounded and
>rolled across the floor and out of sight under a shelf
>stacked with pamphlets about heartworm prevention.
Nicely vivid.
>her ears flamed again at the thought.
Valerie gets hot and "flames" a lot. Is she usually prone to blushing or is it just around Daniel?
>Nessa snorted. “You kids need to learn how to behave in public.”
Poor Nessa! Her 5-year-old daughter is the most mature person in her life.
>Enjoyable as ever. Comments below.
>
>>^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^>>A row of narrow, locker-like cabinets stood along the
>wall.
>"Locker-like cabinets" or just "lockers"?
>
Locker-like cabinets. I've had them in workplaces before. Tall, narrow, meant to be used my=uch like a locker, but not quite the same.
>>“What accent?”
>Not sure I get this. Does Alan not hear Daniel's
>accent?
After all the time he's known Daniel, it probably doesn'ty register, but I'll play with it and dump it if unneccesary.
>
>>Steeling herself, she took a deep breath and crept
>>with great trepidation
>When I edit, I like to take out qualifier words like
>"great", "quite", "very", etc. unless they're really
>needed. I see those kind of words like pepper - a
>little goes a long way :)
Good idea. I'm glad of good eyes like yours!
>>The phone rang and she almost snatched at it in
>relief.
>Did she snatch at it or not? The sentence isn't clear.
Gotcha. She did or didn't.
>>“So, as the captain, you’re the one doing the actual
>>flying? I mean, what else is there to do?” She paused,
>>shaking her head. “I sound like an idiot. Of course
>>there’s more things to do besides fly.”
>Oh, I remember this feeling of being tongue-tied one
>minute and spouting out nonsense the next. It's so
>obvious she fancies him rotten.
>
LOL!!!
>>His eyes sparkled in pleasure with the
>conversation,
>
>
>>her ears flamed again at the thought.
>Valerie gets hot and "flames" a lot. Is she usually
>prone to blushing or is it just around Daniel?
She's very fair so any embarrassment shows up easily as a blush, but she seems to do it a lot around him at this time. She does fancy him rotten, but she doesn't want too. Just makes it all the more awkward.;-)
>
>>Nessa snorted. “You kids need to learn how to behave
>in public.”
>Poor Nessa! Her 5-year-old daughter is the most mature
>person in her life.
More than likely...
Glad you enjoyed it and again, thanks so much for the feedback. It is greatly appreciated.
Debi
