>First, can I tell you hard it is to crit anything
>from "Mirrors?" I get so caught up in the story that
>I forget I'm supposed to be critiquing! And have I
>ever told you I just love Fallon? No, I mean
>love him. Oh, I've mentioned that? Just wanted
>to be sure...
Well hmmmm. It is Fallon being refered to…but I kinda hoped that because he had his own paragraph that it would be apparent who it was. Apparently not. *G* So…I’ll concentrate more on making it be Fallon. Thanx
>>
>>Darian leaned down towards Fallon. “That’s right,
>>bro. All I have to do is behave like an ass, and
>>she’ll be all over me.” His whisper was soft, but
>>unlike the murmurs I was familiar with when we were
>>lovers, the malice in his tone was unmistakable.
>>“You’re pathetic. What kind of being would allow his
>>brother to fuck his mate? Give her to me? I don’t
>>think so. She’s already mine.”
>>
>>“Darian!”
>>
>>His lips brushed Fallon’s nape. “You know, while you
>>lay there and will yourself to die, remember what
>>it’ll mean.”
>>
>>Fallon’s head moved back and forth. “No…no…can’t
>>do…Heather. She…deserves…bet..ter.”
>>
>>“Better than you? Oh yeah, you you're
Okay. Let’s try this. Oh yeah, you are damned right she does. Hmmmm I don’t like it that way. Is that really how it should be?
>
>damned right she does.
>> At least I love her.” Darian straightened.
>>
>>“…Can’t do that to her…don’t…you…hurt her…”
>>
>>“Well, of course not. At least not right away. I
>>won’t be able to. But you know, there’s a good chance
>>with you dead, I’d possess your powers. I’ll be able
>>to say no, and I’ll be capable of the rough se—”
>>
>>“No…no. Deserves better than a whore.”
>>
>>“Is that what you think you are?” Darian laughed.
>>“Guess you’re not a very good one. You left Heather
>>unsatisfied.”
>
>Burn!
LOL Well, he did leave Heather unsatisfied you know. ; -)
>
>>Darian, what the hell are you doing?
>>
>>He’s feeling something other than pain now.
>>
>>Words have the power to hurt too, Darian. I can’t
>>let you do thi—
>>
>>Touch him like you care.
>>
>>I do care. My fingers traced over Fallon’s
>>cheek, feeling the strong angles, wondering how even
>>in pain his features held such magnificence. At my
>>touch, he eased, and crazy as it was, given what I
>>knew of Fallon’s power, it made sense. Not to me.
> What made sense? The easing of his features? The
>way Darian spoke to him? The fact that it caused
>Fallon to respond?
You’re killing me here. The last one. Her touch caused Fallon to respond. *G* I tried very hard to put all this in the same sentence so it would be clear, but I guess I’ll have to try again. But perhaps if you re-read this bit, it’ll help…
Pushed down, I sat in the chair shaped to the contours of our position. Fallon was on his knees between my thighs, his hands resting on my hips, his erection positioned in an intimate, inescapable promise. I gave in to temptation and gripped his dark hair, delighting in the texture clenched in my fists. His eyes closed and he groaned. Startled at how erotic it sounded, I realized he felt unadulterated pleasure as I reached out to him for the first time. I tightened my grip, increasing the pull on his scalp.
And then his eyes opened, and I was lost in the abyss.
>I swallowed,
>>needing to make him understand, but I couldn’t speak.
>>Instead, I soothed his hair, willed the thick mass to
>>detangle under my ministrations.
>>
>>“You feel that, bro? That’s the touch of a woman who
>>loves you. She honours you with her tears. And here
>>you lay, weak and pitiful. Unable and unwilling to
>>satisfy her needs.” Darian scoffed, a rude sound of
>>disgust. And then, he took Fallon’s chin in his hand
>>and forced Fallon to honour the oath. “Look into my
>>eyes. Let me see the truth you know is there.”
>>
>>His lashes flickered open, and with utter
>>ruthlessness, Darian sought the reflections.
>Is this a POV jump? How would Heather know Darian
>was seeking with utter ruthlessness?
Ah. Well…not by what I think is happening. *G* But okay, besides forcing Fallon to honour the oath, I’ll add in a frown or something. ; -) Oh, and yeah, Darian has always been ruthless, he just goes about it in a nice way. Remember these?
The very first time Heather and Darian met…
Darian knelt down in front of the chair, his forearm resting on the raised knee. “Heather, my heart. Look into my eyes.”
Hypnotized by the seduction in his voice I obeyed part of his command and looked down. A sexy half smile teased sensual lips meant to be kissed. Long hair begged to be touched. His white shirt was open, beckoning hands to caress his skin, to slide underneath the offending material and help it fall from the broad shoulders. His skin-tight black trousers were made of a sinful material that molded to his thighs, becoming a part of him, defining muscles to perfection. He had a timeless feel with a passionate scent.
Yet, something about him wasn’t right. I closed my eyes; I shut down my senses. I felt him. My eyes opened and for the first time met the dark obsidian of his. “What are you,” I whispered.
“What do you see?” Pure seduction, I felt the caress of his words.
“A lover. A fantasy. A dream.”
He smiled. “What is your dream, Heather? Your fantasy?”
“Nice try. But I see through you.”
His smile widened. “Nice try. But I am stronger.” He held my gaze. “What do you see?” All pretence was gone; this was a demand for an answer.
Images swirled into focus, coming from the depths of his eyes. Images I refused to see. “Mirrors on the walls...reflections from the lights.”
“Focus. Choose one reflection and don’t blink. See what is there.”
There was no choice. “I see myself.”
“Look deeper.”
“No.” I tried to shake my head, but he held it with the power of his gaze. I couldn’t look away. He was stronger, too strong for me to resist.
And then when Darian sent her away…
He pulled me closer. Hands soothed my back. I could smell his unique scent and feel the comforting texture of his hair under my cheek. His warm body pressed against mine. He was my reality in a world of illusions.
“This cannot go on.”
The small catch in his voice was my undoing. I wanted nothing more than to make his pain stop, to replace the shimmer of tears with the glint of mischief. I glanced to his face and searched his eyes.
“I don’t understand. What are you saying?”
His hands tightened their hold, the comforting motion stopped. He blinked. A single tear broke away and traveled over the strong planes of his face, hanging on with characteristic stubbornness to his chin. “It rips me apart that I can feel your suffering but am helpless to ease your hurt.”
“I wouldn’t want you to even if you could.”
“I know.” The tear fell, disappearing, judged and sentenced to nothingness. “And that’s the solution, isn’t it?” The pressure with which he held me eased. A feather pillow took the place of his arm; a soft blanket replaced his warmth. “Heather, look into my eyes. See the truth you know is there.”
“No.” Obstinate, I yanked the covers over my head.
He possessed greater power than I. The warm blanket ceased to be; the top sheet slipped away, my fists clenched into the black silk meaningless. I clutched nothing but air. As if I were a rag doll, his thoughts lifted and settled me beside him. My head turned under the gentle insistence of his fingers under my chin.
“What do you see?”
His voice was a soft whisper of authority, a suggestion so tempting, I found myself granting his wishes. After all, he would see my deepest desire to be with him. I focused on the reflections in his eyes.
Panic swept over me. I swallowed, attempting to find my voice in a throat gone dry. “Nothing…Blackness.” No images swirled into focus.
He took control.
I braced to face the numbing pain that dwelled in him, the anguish he assumed for others. Instead, my body froze with cold, and while my breath was suddenly visible, his was not. “Darian, I—” Desperate to escape his hold, I struggled to block my feelings, but it was in vain. He held on; he kept my gaze locked with his until he was certain.
After tense moments of silence, he pushed away from me. As he stood, supple pants formed around the contours of his muscular legs. The same shirt I had stripped off his broad shoulders so long ago covered his chest. A quick toss of his head and his hair smoothed out. He turned away and strode to the other side of the room; the strike of his boots an echo of my despair.
>>
>>“My, my.” Darian laughed, but it wasn’t amusing. His
>>hurtful mirth vanished, leaving the sensation of cold
>>anger. “You’re a bastard Fallon.”
>>
>>“Which is one of the things you love about me.” A
>>soft murmur, it held assurance.
>>
>>“Keep telling yourself that.” Darian waited until I
>>met his gaze. “My Heart, I exist to make you happy.
>>To satisfy your every need. Even though I don’t
>>agree, and would rather he dies as alone as he lived,
>>I’ll allow you to say your goodbyes.”
>>
>>That brought my attention back to Darian. “Allow?”
>>
>>“Yeah. Allow.” My brother hasn’t been exactly
>>truthful with either of us. He doesn’t want to give
>>me to you. He already has.
>
>Is Darian already absorbing some of Fallon's
>powers, and therefore, his personality? Because I can
>see Fallon saying "Yeah," but Darian seems to be more
>of a "Yes, dear" type of dude.
Well, that’s what I intended to happen, but it seems like it came out too much too soon based on the comments I’ve received. So I’m currently rethinking this so I can fix it. Thanks for the added confirmation
>
>>
>>What?
>>
>>There’s no tim—
>>
>>Without any compunction, I sent us to the only place I
>>knew where time didn’t exist, and since the place did
>>not exist, we could not exist in it. Immediately, I
>>felt the loss of Fallon. We have all the time in
>>existence.
>
>JMHO, but there's too much "exist" and its variants
>in this paragraph, making it hard to read and probably
>obscuring your point. Can you find another way to say
>it?
Hmmm. That’s a tough one. *G*
>>
>>
>>
>>He believes his life is. That’s what’s important.
>>If you want him to survive, you have to convince him
>>that there is a reason to play.
>>
>>By being a deceptive, manipulating, cock-teasing
>>bitch.
>>
>>Ironic isn’t it? But whatever you do, do
>>not allow any part of his body inside you. Not
>>his tongue when you kiss. Not his fingers in your
>>mouth or his hand between your legs. And don’t show
>>him your back. Be on guard. He’s very…talented at
>>what he does. He’ll be slipping his cock home before
>>you can even think to say no. And then the game is
>>over because he’ll have no reason to win.
>>
>>Well, wasn’t this just the most uncomfortable
>>conversation I’ve ever had? Anything else? I
>>meant to be flippant.
>>
>>Darian was serious. Yeah. If this has any chance
>>of working, neither one of you can have an orgasm.
>>
>>
>>Are you kidding me?
>
>Are you kidding me?
LOL Nope. No kidding you.
>>
>>
>>
>>In contrast to the roll role
>I had to play, my touch was
>>light as I soothed Fallon’s hair off his face.
>>He’s going to detest me.
I detest those darn typos! Thanks!
>>
>>
>>“I don’t think so.” Rocks cut into my knees and the
>>physical pain was enough to block out the internal
>>torment. I looked around startled. We were alone.
>>The setting a place for lovers, the waterfall a
>>majestic power of its own. I had taken Fallon home.
>
>More. Please. Ohpleaseohpleaseohplease!
Really? I never would have guessed you wanted more. ; -) K, I’ll see what I can do.
Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment! Mucho appreciated!
