Date Posted:13:44:23 10/27/09 Tue Author: Esther Subject: I dont follow direction too well, but I did come along later *G* >>> In reply to:
Debi
's message, "Come along now... ;-)" on 20:43:14 10/24/09 Sat
And remembered again why I like this story. Youve managed to get the perfect combination of humour and tension that highlights this couple and intrigues me. I smiled at this
Is this the aviation equivalent of Whoops, were out of gas.?
Pictured the ottoman with this
His look turned speculative and his brows shot skyward. Are you trying to seduce me?
Noticed how the thought of each of them getting their own room wasnt an option here
It was her turn to snort. In all honesty, it wouldnt be the first time shed thought about ripping off his clothes and having her way with him. However, acting on that impulse was not part of the master plan. Not at all. Just trying to make suggestions that will get us and your plane back home. Still, the idea of being alone with him in a hotel room held some appeal. Quite a lot actually. Especially with the wind whipping his hair over his forehead, flattening his shirt against his chest. Valerie reined her disobedient thoughts in with an iron grip. That way lies madness and returned to the business at hand.
Liked how she indicated her expectations and then gave him back control, only to have the last word so to speak here
She shrugged with a smile. Someplace I can sleep works for me. Youre the man with a plan. She looked out at the sky. Though I do like the beach at night.
Was rooting for Daniel when he
Daniel cocked his head at her and raised his brows. Oh, thats not a problem. I like a challenge. He laid his items on the checkout belt and smiled before stepping behind her and wrapping his arms around her, one hand on each of her wrists. Without apparent effort, he maneuvered her to the belt, then pulled her arms apart, dumping her things with his. His warm proximity took her by surprise and she slammed her mental door shut on any wayward thoughts and temptations, very aware of how public they were. Unable to do anything about his arms and hands, and not really wanting to, Valerie still wanted to express her displeasure at his overt assumption of control. She stepped back onto his toes with both her heels and all her weight. Not much of a threat against a man who could navigate a primordial swamp with nothing more than a big stick and an incompetent companion, but her action elicited a soft grunt of surprise from him. His voice whispered in her ear before he let her hands go.
And even though she stepped on his toes, was kinda disappointed at his choice of words here
Bitch.
Butawesome work. Lots of stuff going on. I do have one itsy bitsy suggestion. Show, dont tell. You start out so great, with the description of the weather, but by the time we get to the heart of the matter, where they check into the hotel, thats all they do. Check in. We dont get to see if it was awkward or not, whether the clerk assumed they were together and just checked them into the one room without asking, or if Daniel and Valerie had to make a conscious decision to share. Or maybe, only one room was available and it forced them to co inhabit for the night. Inquiring minds you know. *G*
I really appreciate the suggestions you made. I did gloss over the check-in process because nothing demanded I write more about it at the time. But your ideas are making that little spark brighten in my mind. I'll play with it some more with your thoughts in mind.
Gotta get a little more work on this done before NaNoWriMo!
