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Date Posted: 21:59:10 06/14/04 Mon
Author: chamberlain
Subject: question
In reply to: BFIH 's message, "I R a campaign manager" on 11:39:01 06/14/04 Mon

is this brochure kind of an introduction to the candidate? maybe it's the loss of formatting and etc. as you mentioned, but i find it a bit hard to follow. there doesn't seem to be any unifying theme to hold it together. as bfny said, the meth lab bit is a bit confusing. appearing at the beginning makes it seem like THAT is the purpose, but then the personal fact stuff and other issues is scattered throughout.

i don't want to sound critical either, because i feel there is some good information there. i like the well-rounded approach. looking at it from a persuasive perspective, aristotle's three dimensions (logic, emotional, and credibility) are pretty balanced throughout the piece. i believe those three approaches keep it dumbed down enough for the general public. i might work on the wording a bit as mentioned.

from my communication work in college, i also tend to feel that mythic appeals (used pretty well in the piece as well) and sexual appeals work well too. i don't mean sexual as in, "wow, nice pair of ta-ta's on that one", but rather at a deeper level of preserving the species--an idea that operates at our fundamental building block of life. in other words, focus on kids and the idea of long-term benefits. that sort of thing. with a topic such as drug use and the associated crime that goes with it (mythic appeal?), the idea naturally leads to the positive and negative impacts on kids.

also, there were some grammatical things that jumped out, which may have been lost in the formatting. a comma after cith and state when in the middle of a sentence(...pittsburg, kansas, with.....). there's one missing between farmington, missouri, too. also, you jump from first to third in that one section. it's written in first person "i", but the heading reads, "about steve". maybe the average person doesn't care, but that sort of jumped out at me and made me feel it was misleading--like the guy didn't do it himself. of course, this comes from someone who has a natural distrust of politicians. i'll look for any reason at all to think they are a fraud.

that's my insight. it's late and i can't sleep, so i thought i'd throw in my two cents. i can't even begin to match the insight of our inhouse professionals.

take care of yourselves,

chamberlain

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