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Date Posted: 06:45:28 04/15/03 Tue
Author: marshun(Martha)
Subject: Ginger.....more
In reply to: Ginger 's message, "Im confused..." on 23:14:10 04/14/03 Mon

Of course I am not going to tell you wher to go.....I COMPLETELY respect you, especially with all you are going through.

I am scared out of my mind and I have no support here. If I want this marriage to make it, I have to be around to work on it. We can not afford two households right now and we have been packing for the move down south.

I do believe that he does want our marriage to work, but the honest truth is, I do not know if he sees this as a big deal. I asked him a series of questions about how life is when he uses. About if he feels good when...... all the answers were no. I asked if the risks were worth his feeling good and again all the answers were no.

If he goes for help, I am willing to stay and work this all out. I guess that is my deciding factor. As for calling it "smoke", that is his term for it. I KNOW it is drug use and I know that when he goes to get it, he is making a drug deal.

In order for me to make it here apart from him, I would have to get a full time job at a service department(There is one in the paper I am thinking of applying for), but again, I do not know what will happen with the moving plans and all. If we go our seperate ways, I would rather stay in this town so the kids can still know their Dad than go to two different ends of the east coast. I also know that I would be better off going back home and getting the family support.

Ya know what I am discovering during all this typing is that I do not feel good enough about myself to put me first. I am always thinking of others and their well being before my own. I guess I don't think the kids are in as much danger as long as I am here for them, but that just isn't right either...is it????? I really need to get my head screwed on straight.

This is my last week of work and if he doesn't see the need for the counseling I am going to have to do some soul searching and that may be back at home,,,,,I just don't want to give up on our marriage, on him. I believe there is a good man inside with a sickness and if I just love him enough, he will see he needs the help, that he is worthy of happiness and he will try to find it....with help....am I crazy?????

Cyber Hugs, Your Friend,
Martha

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