Okay, just a few quick things. -- The Beta Board

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Date Posted: 20:20:53 04/12/05 Tue
Author: Shanola
Subject: Okay, just a few quick things.
In reply to: Diane 's message, "Okay - Chapter 1" on 11:02:02 04/04/05 Mon

A few things jumped out at me. =P

You wrote:
He knew that they needed to talk, and soon. He could not risk taking Adam to a licensed therapist, but he knew the dangers of letting the events of the last week stew inside the child without release.

Well, *why* can't Michael take Adam to see a licensed therapist? Surely, Michael has created new identities for himself and his son. Is there another reason?

Later in that paragraph you write:
Was he waiting for Elena to come back as well? What did he remember of his kidnapping? Did he see the murder of Mr. Jones on the bridge? Did he understand why they were moving so far away and so quickly? And what about Nikita?

Um, so, what about Nikita? I mean, I don't follow how Michael would naturally think of Nikita in the middle of his concerns regarding Adam. I found the transition rather jarring.

Okay, in the last paragraph here, you've got Michael taking Adam to a bar so he can get some ice. A bar? That threw me. I admit, I've never been on a big ferry like that, but surely Michael could get ice from someplace other than a bar? I dunno...I guess I just equate the word 'bar' with sleezy beer joints or something!LOL

I'm curious to see what happens with Adam.

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Replies:

[> [> [> Re: Okay, just a few quick things. -- Diane, 22:42:46 04/13/05 Wed

You wrote:
He knew that they needed to talk, and soon. He could not risk taking Adam to a licensed therapist, but he knew the dangers of letting the events of the last week stew inside the child without release.

Well, *why* can't Michael take Adam to see a licensed therapist? Surely, Michael has created new identities for himself and his son. Is there another reason?
* * *
Because Adam is a six-year old, and because what he needs to talk about is his witness of a murder, his kidnapping by terrorists, and other things Michael probably doesn't want him talking about, new identity or not.

Later in that paragraph you write:
Was he waiting for Elena to come back as well? What did he remember of his kidnapping? Did he see the murder of Mr. Jones on the bridge? Did he understand why they were moving so far away and so quickly? And what about Nikita?

Um, so, what about Nikita? I mean, I don't follow how Michael would naturally think of Nikita in the middle of his concerns regarding Adam. I found the transition rather jarring.
* * *
Just transitioning to the next paragraph. I didn't think it was that jarring, but I suppose I could move that line to the beginning of the next paragraph and make some minor changes.

Okay, in the last paragraph here, you've got Michael taking Adam to a bar so he can get some ice. A bar? That threw me. I admit, I've never been on a big ferry like that, but surely Michael could get ice from someplace other than a bar? I dunno...I guess I just equate the word 'bar' with sleezy beer joints or something!LOL
* * *
That scene is based on actual experience.I took that ferry from Maine to Nova Scotia. There was a large screening room on the lower deck where a movie was playing, slot machines all over deck two, and the top level (with windows) was a bar/lounge that served food and was open to families. I could rename it a lounge if that sounds better.

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