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Date Posted: 23:10:13 04/13/05 Wed
Author: Diane
Subject: Re: Okay.
In reply to: Shanola 's message, "Okay." on 20:57:38 04/12/05 Tue

Wouldn't Nikita have read Kenrick Lockett's conviction record before she interviewed him? I found that rather odd.
* * *
Their entire files weren't sent, just basic resume stuff.

Hmm...also, you've got a lot of 'telling' but not a lot of 'showing'. Instead of telling us that Megan Little is blonde and thin and chewing bubble gum, why not write a little bit of Nikita's interview with her and show us?
* * *
Yeah, I kinda rushed through those. Actually Joanie and Megan (and Ken) are my classmates at school; we're all going back to get our elementary ed certificates. Ken, I like. Joanie and Megan, not so much.

Am I making sense? It's been a rather long time since I've beta read, so I could be screwing this up!LOL Let me know if I've completely confused you, okay?
* * *
Not confused at all! Also willing to listen to all suggestions--not promising to take them all. :D
I really labored over the scenes between Michael and Adam (the story continues in Ch. 5), walking a fine line between the truth and 6 yr old need-to-know. The kidnapping would weigh heaviest on his mind right now, so Michael would have to give him some sort of valid explanation about what led up to that and why they are now free.

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[> [> [> [> Re: Okay. -- Shanola, 05:57:29 04/14/05 Thu

Are you sure the kidnapping would weigh heaviest on Adam's mind? What about his mother's death? That seems pretty heavy to me.

And you don't have to take any of my suggestions...but I'm glad you are reading them and haven't responded in anger to my honesty. =P

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[> [> [> [> [> Elena's death -- Diane, 19:18:31 04/14/05 Thu

It's not made clear in the series how long Elena has been dead and Adam has been in foster care. He knows that his father died two years ago, so is familiar with the process. I'm not trying to imply he is *okay* with it; just that he's been there done that.

I think seeing Ops shot and being held by the Collective, not to mention seeing his dad back from the dead, has to have his head in a whirl.

Maybe my Adam is more mature than canon, but he's had to deal with a lot over the last two years. I have dropped the part about the drunk driver, though.Adam can know what his father was, but doesn't need all the details of what he did.

I never get angry. :D I may disagree with you, and/or ask someone else's opinion (until they get it right LOL), but I'm moving forward with my story. That's why I put the foundation on this board; I want it to be solid.

I'm still very much a newbie, and I want to get it right. I've seen some beautifully written stories on the boards, as well as some poorly done crap; I'd like to avoid being a member of the latter group.

I read every suggestion/comment I get, and will do my best to either justify or modify what I've written. Some things I will defend to the death, so we'll just have to work around them. Thanks for continuing to read my blather!

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