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Date Posted: 20:20:39 04/29/05 Fri
Author: Shanola
Subject: A few things.
In reply to: Diane 's message, "Okay - Chapter 6" on 19:00:09 04/22/05 Fri

A few things jumped out at me here.

First, you told the incident of Ken's trial twice, which was repetitive. You may want to combine those two 'telling's into one scene.

Second, if the girl had severe cerebral palsy and couldn't talk, why in the hell was she left alone in a park?? There are people with cerebal palsy that come to my mall once a week and for every person confined to a wheelchair, there is someone with them. Always. At least in the mall. I can't imagine a young girl like that being left alone in a park to wait on a bus. Also,you were inconsitant in her characterization, because she can't communicate well enough to be understood in court, but she can say "no" when Ken asks if she was injured.

Not sure why all the candidates were hanging out together, waiting for Nikita to call them. I got the feeling that they'd had seperate interviews and that an entire night had passed. Why would they be hanging out together waiting for Nikita to pick someone? That was rather odd.

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[> [> [> Re: A few things. -- Diane, 21:09:27 04/29/05 Fri

I told you I hate this chapter. I wanted to get Ken off the hook in Nikita's eyes by having the "child" he murdered being a 17 year old thug. I hate the backstory I came up with. I may redo the whole thing.
I see your point about the three candidates hanging together. Actually, I just needed a filler scene there. I'll think of something else.

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