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Subject: I know what you mean.......

Author:
kristen

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Date Posted: 22:39:53 03/15/05 Tue
In reply to: Judy 's message, "Going Soft" on 17:24:55 03/13/05 Sun

I remember my first coaching session with a coach who I hired to help me confront my sensuality. He was atttractive to me. Really attractive. I was a yoga addict, and runner. I never missed a day. Like you even when i had to work 45 hour weeks, i never missed the gym and when i did astanga yoga i decided an hour and a half of yoga was not enough because it wasnt cardio like on a treadmill. I would go and go and i lost my period even. And i never let myself feel turn on.

The coach looked me in the eye and stared. I got squirmish. Really fidgety. I said, I gotta get outta here. I HAVE To go do yoga. I really believed (i was 27) per Insight days, that i needed to do yoga to feel good. He said to me, dont you get it? This is your life. On loudspeaker. If you want to be powerful the first thing you are going to have to do is confront your sensuality.

I got it. Like everymoment of my every day of life is a hologram for the whole, the fact that i thought i had to exercise to feel ok and have some sense of serenity or release, actually was a block that i learned before i even felt sexual desire so i never had the chance to know what a day like without it much less months would offer me.

I got into doing and the pleasure exploration, my body began to release orgasm and have much more flow inside, over about a year, it took about a year to recognize that i had been frigid! But then it was like i took off and was flying. And the world of sensation opened up. And exercise was not in the way, rather it was something to do when i really wanted to - period. And wow i remember lying in bed taking a nap one day years ago and feeling like i was a bad person because i was lazy - i had no sense of my pussy. The first time i had an orgasm was DOING situps!

I think at age 20 my body had to find some way to release what it was holding and i was hoping would never surge forth and cause me to have to reconstruct my simple safe life.

I went through a period of not exercising at all too and felt flabby and often mad at myself. Looking back i remember how i began to notice how wound up i had been. And when you describe the softness i imaging you defrosting in places where you have been hardened and it is quite an attractive sexy image. I recall how letting myself explore how orgasm carved new paths in me. And how with each new path, increased orgasm could travel and for longer amounts of time and would seem to carve out more space for yet more pleasure sensation. I imagine that orgasmic energy moves through us like a white light and clears passageways and heals inner pain.

What a great place for you to be. I have admired the disciplined part of you. But perhaps you could apply the disciplined characteristic in you in another arena, you could create a disciplined daily doing practice, whether it is doind yourself or doing others or getting done or having massage or dates of whatever fashion. It could even be rigid and your discipline part maybe would be satisfied. Or may be you just want to let her have a total break and time out. It sounds to me like the feminine part of you that society never quite said would be successful, is now coming out to run her show and realizing , hey there is a path to success here!

Thank you for sharing on this topic. It is very interesting i think. How bout the idea that exercise is simply an acceptable and honorable addiction to have in our country, and like all addictions serves its function of numbing one and keeping things a little less messy on the outside.

Meanwhile there calls a voice from within huh?

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
sit your way to soft	KB	22:52:40 03/15/05 Tue